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Thanimai-Serial story

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by Tamildownunder, Feb 20, 2007.

  1. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Episode 11:

    Gautham was heart-broken with what happend after finding Krish. He remembered Gayathri and felt that perhaps meeting her will be soothing to his bad feelings. As usual, he went by underground train to Penn, but was terribly disappointed when he could not meet her. He decided to go to New York University in the fond hope that he may be able to spot her. He was lucky to meet her when she was just emerging from the University after her classes. Mustering courage, Gautham went to her and introduced himself. Gaythri was shy and asked him what he wanted. Gautham said that he likes her as he has seen her in the underground severalm times. He did not have enough courage to tell the truth that he is the neighbour uncle in Mumbai with whom she used to be very friendly and play the 'staring into eyes' game. Gaythri told him that she too likes him especially his eyes which reminds her of her favourite uncle next door in Mumbai. Thus, their friendship got established making Gautham to forget his woes about Krish.

    Once Gautham met her as usual in the underground and asked her for a date out. He said that he knows a place where Indians meet, eat, drink and enjoy. She reluctantly agreed. Gautham was floating in air as he went to pick her from her apartment and he was in his casual jeans and T-shirt. Gayathri was wearing a black pant with red top with a scarf around her neck. She looked dazzling and Gautham could not take her eyes off her. Together, they made a good pair. They went hand in hand to the place Gautham was mentioning. The place was crowded with Indians mostly young couples. They chatted, laughed, met one another and there was a great atmosphere.

    Suddenly, one person took the mike and announced that there will be a dance floor starting and all are welcome to join. Gautham could not contain himself. Catching hold of Gayathri's hands he entered the middle to the loud cheers from all. Together, they danced to this song in which others also joined.

    Oh Oh Oh Oh Ilamai...
    Vidugathai...
    Pengale Vidai...


    Even as gautham and Gaythri were dancing to the claps of all, one pair of jealous eyes were watching them closely.

    To be continued......
     
  2. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Episode 12:

    After the party Gautham took Gayathri to her apartment in his car and left her. As she was climbing the steps to her apartment Gautham felt a pang in his heart and felt like joining her. But, he remembered in time that she is an unmarried girl and he should not bring bad name since where she lived is a predominantly Indian locality. He drove back to his apartment slowly and was shocked to see Krish and Mrs. Roberts waiting near the door to his apartment in their car. He stopped his car just short of his house and ran to meet them. To his pleasant surprise, Krish came to him, hugged him and tears were rolling down his cheeks. Gautham asked Mrs. Roberts why Krish is crying. She told that after she took Krish home, he became moody and withdrawn. He was constantly crying and that day morning he became restless. The whole day he did not eat or drink and was crying. Towards the evening Krish dragged Mrs. Roberts out and got into the car. Mrs. Roberts drove to parks and gardens, but Krish was refusing to get down and finally when she accidentally turnes the car in the way of Gautham's house, Krish became excited and when they finally reached the place they were disappointed to see it locked. Mrs. Roberts tried to contact Gautham several times through her cell phone, but the calls were going to answering machine only. Hearing this from Mrs. Roberts, Gautham could not tell her that he was partying and dancing when she was desparately trying to contact him. He realised that his efforts to kindle Krish's memory last time when krish came home have been fruitful.

    Getting inside the house, Gautham asked Mrs. Roberts to stay, but she refused and agreed to let Krish stay with Gautham for few days. Once, Mrs. Roberts left, Gautham took krish in his lap and started playing with him. Krish seemd to like that and he started smiling too. Even as they went into another world, the door bell rang. Gautham went and opened the door to find Ravi. He welcomed Ravi and narrated all that happened with Gayathri and Krish. Ravi said to Gautham that his good times are coming back. Right at that time the Sun TV played this song to which Ravi, krish and Gautham danced to gether holding each other's hands.

    Engalukkum kaalm varum
    Kaalam vanthal vaazhvu varum
    Vaazhvu vanthal anaivaraiyum
    Vaazha vaipome


    To be continued....
     
  3. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Episode 13:

    Gautham and Gayathri started meeting regularly, going to movies, parks and parties. They were painting the town red oblivious of the fact that two jealous eyes were following them wherever they went.

    Gautham went for a regular medical check-up to an Indian doctor who after examining him said that although he looks very young, his physical condition is that of a middle-aged man and that he should be careful not to strain himself. Gautham asked the doctor for a prescription of a good tonic to rejuvenate. Gautham was unaware that his entire conversations with the doctor was being overheard by the same man with the jealous eyes.

    One day when Gautham and Gayathri met in a restaurant, Gaythri told about the game of staring into each other's eyes that she used to play with her neighbour uncle in Mumbai. So, both decided to play the same game and started staring into each other's eyes for a long time much to the amusement of the waiter who came to take their orders for food. Gaythri suddenly lowered her eyes saying, 'Oh, the same intensity, same eyes that locked into my eyes for eternity'. Gautham started laughing and was wondering whether to tell the truth to her. But, he decided to postpone fearing that the good times might end. Right at that time the waiter brought the phone saying to Gautham,' Sir, there is a phone call from your son Krish'. Gautham was put in a quandry and the man with jealous eyes who had sent the phone through the waiter was laughing within himself. Gaythri did not hear the waiter's announcement to gautham as she had gone into another world after looking into Gautham's eyes. She was enjoying this song from her ipod,

    Anbe vaa en anbe vaa
    OOne vaa uyire vaa
    Anbe vaa en munbe vaa
    Poopoovai poo poovai....

    Tobe continued....


     
  4. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Episode 14:

    After meeting Gayathri in the restaurant, Gautham was feeling guilty that he did not tell Gayathri the truths about himself and Krish. He felt fooled by some stranger when the waiter announced that he has received a phone call from Krish. Ofcourse, Krish cannot talk, so how he could have made a phone call?. Who is the stranger who is trying to fool him especially in front of Gayathri?. Luckily, Gayathri was so engrossed in the song, she did not notice the waiter and Gautham's predicaments. Thinking all these next day in his apartment, Gautham felt restless and decided to take a walk in the Central Park. Walking through the gate nearer to his apartment in West Manhatten, he watched some Indian boys playing cricket which brought nostalgic memories of him playing cricket with Krish in the same place. He also came across many people jogging and remembered how he went on jogging with Gaythri one day and could not cope up with her pace. She even laughed at him saying he is jogging like an elderly person. Just to forget these things, Gautham took another path in the park which was taking him deep inside where not many people frequent.

    Ravi came to Gautham's apartment looking for him. As Gautham had given him his spare keys to the apartment, he entered with it and found that Krish was standing at the window side staring at the outside world. Ravi felt sad for Krish and decided to take him for a walk. he caught hold of Krish's hand and took him to the Central Park through the same gate through which Gautham had gone.

    As it was weekend Gaythri did not have classes and decided to pay a surprise visit to Gautham's apartment. She took a cab and when she reached the apartment she was disappointed that there was no response to her calling bells. She rang up Gautham to his cell phone and was happy to hear his voice at the other end. Gautham told her that he is taking a walk in the Central Park. Since Gayathri wanted to join him in the walk, he gave her the locations and directions and siad that he will wait in a bench in the park.

    After talking to Gayathri, Gautham went ahead looking for a bench. As the path in which he was walking took a turn, he was confronted by a man with a gun in his hands. His jealous eyes were spitting venom at Gautham. Looking at him with gun in his hands, Gautham was shocked. He blurted, ' is it you..........?'.

    To be continued.....
     
  5. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Episode 15:

    The man with gun in hand said,' Don't worry, I am not going to kill you. This is mainly to throw a scare in you. Leave alone, Gayathri. She is mine. I am deeply in love with her'.

    Gautham took some time to recover from the shock and said,' What, Dr. Shankar, you give me a new lease of life by performing plastic surgery on my face and now you want to take my life?. You know very well I had a terrible incident in which I lost my dear wife, lost my son and got un ugly face which was charred beyond recognition and I was leading a miserable life of solitude. Then came Gaythri and listening to her declaration of love for me to her friend, I got the desire to live again and my friend Ravi took me to you. Now, without Gayathri I will die'.

    Dr. Shankar said,' You moron, even before you saw Gayathri, I was knowing her as senior to her in New York University. I had fallen deeply in love with her and when i was just mustering courage to propose to her you come along, mesmarise her with your eye staring game. She is young, I am also young. But, you are old, already married with a son. Don't spoil the life of an young and innocent girl. I am angry with you for one more reason on hearing which you are going to be shocked. In the accident, you have lost your reproductive capacity'.

    Gautham was really shocked and said, 'No. I don't believe you. You are making this just to separate us'.

    Dr. Shankar had a vicious snarl and said,' You are not taking me seriously, I think. If you don't promise me that you will leave Gayathri alone and better still you will take your son and leave for India, I am going to end your life, here and now'.

    Gautham started weeping and he pleaded to Dr. Shankar, ' Shankar, as you say you are young, you can find many girls more beautiful and intelligent than Gayathri. But, for me Gayathri is the only hope for my survival. So, please don't separate us'.

    Dr. Shankar got angry and saying 'what? again and again you are harping on your solitude as an excuse to spoil the life of an young girl' hit gautham with the butt of the gun and Gautham with a big cry of anguish cluthching his head fell down.

    Right at that time, Krish who reached the place with Ravi on seeing Gautham falling let a shout,' Da.................ddy'.



    to be continued......

     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2007
  6. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Episode 16:

    On hearing Krish's shout and on seeing Ravi approaching with Krish, Dr. Shankar got panicked, threw away the gun and ran away. Ravi was shocked to see Gautham unconscious and profusely bleeding from head. Immediately he took his T-shirt and tied around Gautham's head. Lifting him Ravi started walking towards the car park when Gayathri reaching there gave a shriek.Ravi told her to take care of Krish and said he will explain everything later. Taking a cab they manged to reach the nearby hospital and got Gautham admitted. The doctor after examining the gash on Gautham's head sent him for X-rays and later told Ravi that Gautham had a minor crack on the skull which he had stitched. The doctor told that he has given sedatives to Gautham and he will come to conscious in about two hours. During the wait Ravi narrated the attack on Gautham by some miscreant and omitted to tell about Dr. Shankar.

    Gautham opening his eyes after the effect of sedatives got over, called Krish and hugged him. He became so happy now that Krish's speech also is restored. When he asked Ravi about Dr. Shankar, Ravi sent out Gayathri on the pretext of taking Krish to toilet. He then told Gautham that Dr. Shankar rang him to express his profound apologies and he had attributed everything to his falling a victim to drug addiction by bad company. Dr. Shankar felt sad that Gautham was injured and wished him speedy recovery. He had also mentioned that he is going back to India to get over the bad habit.

    When Gayathri returned with Krish near Gautham's bed, Gautham wanted to talk to Gayathri. Taking the hint, Ravi left the room along with Krish. For a long time, both Gautham and Gayathri looked at each other not talking anything. Finally, mustering courage Gautham proposed to Gayathri which she accepted with a huge blush.

    It is the most popular Indian restaurant in Little India where Ravi, Gautham and Krish were seated to celebrate Gautham's recovery and the impending marriage. The swing door opens to admit the Indian family who came to the same restaurant not long ago. Again the same girl goes from table to table saying hello uncle and hello aunty and kissing them. Upon reaching Gautham's table the girl stops, gives a smile to Gautham and plants a sweet kiss on his cheeks.

    Gautham, Ravi and Krish break into laughter which reverbrates the whole restaurant.

    All is well that ends well
     
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  7. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Ladies,

    I have brought the serial story 'Thanimai' to an end. It has been a great experience writing this story for you. I wonder how many of you enjoyed it since I got feedback only from Sudha although the number of views are 600+. I still consider myself an L-board and kathukutti. Hopefully with your continued support and encouragement I may improve.

    I thank the administrators of this forum for having given me an opportunity to write and I thank one and all of you for patiently going through my scribblings.

    To be honest with you, I had changed the story line from what I had originally conceived as I got into doubts whether that would have gone well with you.

    You will be surprised at my audacity when I say that I had written a story concept for screen play based on tsunamis 6 months before the actual tsunami striking and posting it to none other than Stephen Speilberg. Apparently, he had passed it onto the film producer web site and it is still there. Here is the link to the web page where my screen play has been cited.

    Literary Material Contact Directory

    If you are interested I can start a serial story on the topic of Nature's Fury'.

    Regards,

    TDU
     
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  8. Manjureddy

    Manjureddy Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Tamil
    Please do not lament that you recd. no FBs, except Sudha's.
    Have been reading every instalment of Thanimai. Thought I,d wait for the "movie" to end so i can send a review !

    In the first instance, supplying songs gave a nice "movie feel" to the story. Conditioned thus, one automatically switched on approriate background scores for the twists and turns, mentally . You forgot to put in songs for the last 3 episodes, but i supplied my own instrumentals .:)

    The distress of the ugly faced hero was pitiable indeed. The child's innocent reaction is really the true, but well hidden, gasp of revulsion everyone feels upon encountering a misshapen face. Sad.

    Gayathri remembering her childhood fantasy of wanting to marry the handsome, but much older, neighbour when she grew up, seemed a bit far fetched to me.( and she refers to him as Neighbour "Uncle" too.) Young girls may get attracted to older men , no problem accepting that probabality. But as they grow up and meet a lot more people and experiences, their attitudes, perceptions and plans are bound to change. Anyway, here as a screenplay, this lingering romance works.
    More poignant than getting together with Gayathri was the man's reuiniting with his son Krish/Chris. Lisa was a sweet character.
    The villainy of Dr.Shankar was an unexpected twist. But poor man, his love was also deep - deep enough to take up a revolver to resolve matters ! Anyway, whats a movie without a dishum dishum climax !

    You have mentioned that you changed the storyline for fear it may not be accepted. Why, was it so controversial? I am all agog. In anycase, how can you be sure it would not have found favour ? As an author, you should not alter your story in anticipation of reader reactions or rejection. If you are convinced of the plot, you should present it. And defend yourself later, IF and when criticism or objections arise.( Please,pretty-please, tell me what the original plot was ?)

    I can see that you think in Tamil and type in english. Though the story is set abroad, the words carry Tamizh manam, like reading a thodar kathai in Ananda Vikatan or Kalki.

    Spielberg !!! You do think big, dont you !
    So, have you recd. any show of interest after getting posted in that site ?

    Thanks for the movie, Tamil.:2thumbsup:
    Wish you all the very best and more successes in storywriting.

    Regards
    manjula
     
  9. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Manjula,

    I am happy to read your appreciation of the story 'Thanimai'. I would like to answer your questions to the best of my ability.

    1. I did not put songs in the last three episodes since I was building up the climax and I feel it is silly to put songs in climax which are serious situations. It was hilarious to me to see Paravai Muniamma singing and Vikram fighting in a very nearly climax scene in the movie Dhool.

    2. The character Gayathri is unique in the sense that although she is young and studying abroad she has old values of sentiments and looking deeply into the neighbour uncle's eyes in their staring game, she finds an eternal bond between herself and Gautham. Also, when she meets Gautham in the eyes again he is transformed into an young man by the plastic surgery that he has undergone.
    In the last scene, when Gautham is under sedation, Ravi narrates to her what all happened and reveals Gautham's real identity that he is the father of Krish. But, as she is in deep love with Gautham she accepts the facts and Gautham's proposal.

    3. Regarding my changing the storyline, I was skeptic but not afraid. In the original story line I wanted to start 15 years from the accident and show Krish as having grown up among the blacks in the ghettos of New York. I wanted to bring him as the villain who is also in love with Gayathri from Mumbai days. He is not recognizing his father Gautham as Gautham is transformed by plastic surgery. In the climax scene at Central park, a fight ensues between Gautham and Krish both of them not knowing their true identities. In the fight, Gautham kills Krish accidentally and when he recognises the fact that he has killed his own son, he becomes insane and is put in solitary confinement ( justifying the title 'Thanimai'). Gayathri is shattered at the happenings and accepts Dr. Shankar's proposal and in Shankar's love she finds a heel to the wounds.

    4. Regarding my screenplay sent to Stephen Speilberg, I got e-mails from the Film producers' organisation, to present my full script in a competition in Los Angeles. Since I was not knowing how to write the full script and since I did not have resources to participate in that competition I gave it up. I am thinking of writing it as a serial story in this forum and after receiving your response, I may be able to write the full script.

    Thanks once again for your response and comments.

    Regards,

    TDU
     
  10. Manjureddy

    Manjureddy Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Tamil,
    yr. original story idea seems like a wonderful plot , providing much material for analysis of the complexities of human desires, failings, relationships and of dark secrets locked up in the recesses of the mind. A lot more masala. You shd. not have hesitated to write it !
    Congrats on recieving the invite from the Producer's Organisation ! ...but one has to be careful. There are so many instances of ideas getting stolen.

    Eagerly awaiting Nature's Fury.
    rgds
    manjula
     
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