Telling truth before marriage

Swaras, arranged marriage is like a deal, Dowry,horoscope, looks,family, health, wealth, all material things are considered to make it work,

My friend got married in arranged marriage, his aunt whom he trusted said good good things about the girl whom she knew, the girl had depression and was taking anti depressants before marriage and after marriage, that was not revealed to my friend

Even though it may sound wierd but he felt cheated, he felt why did they not tell him about that. He divorced her in 3 months, but not before going through the pain of divorce for a year or so..

many times families say things indirectly and not giving true picture, in arrange marriage it would be good if someone knows girl or boy from close quaters, that is how it used to be traditionally, going by paper ads increases the risk a little more as no one can vouch for the person .

I was reading a story here on IL the lady wrote before marriage the boy used to get epilipsey fits, that was not told to her, how would she feel after marriage. Lot of people manipulate things in arrnage marriage

Even in love marriage many times people would hide many things about themselves, yes its true...manipulation is part of the game...

who is true 100% anyways, even if the girl or boy says the truth fully, they would not know if other person is saying everything truthfully.

 

Nice thread swaras

Parents pass on their responsibility to the new person in the name of marriage. When a person is wrong, he should be counselled and not forced into marriage.

I don't think in arranged marriages, families sit together and talk about their son & daughter's attitude. [Many parents doesn't know anything about their children.] Even if they do, they are not going to tell the truth.....else only positives will come out. Talk will be about dowry, wedding plans, properties they own etc etc.....Bride & bridegroom are mere puppets! Same time, everything about a person cannot be listed out. Few things will come as a surprise or shock after marriage which has to be accepted and handled.

This happens to be our custom and nothing much would change. 'Arranged marriage' is like flipping a coin. You win or lose! :bonk

 

Mine was an arranged marriage too...
U know wat my dad didnt enquire about my DH's salary even. They verified horoscope, family back ground and were very convinced with the groom too. Whenever tat topic was brought to discussion, something else would come up and they left it with that.
My ILs too never bothered to tell us about it...
All was set, we both met and i literally fell in love with him the moment i saw him... he was such an open and genuine person and gave frank answers without any hesitation to my dad's Qs...
Later during out courtship, i got to know his salary details, which he himself told me, without me asking him... and it was a bit low, but not tat bad and i was earning too...
Vn i happened to tell my parents about this, they felt it was lil low for an engineer of his caliber, but who cares for me, nthing mattered and till today he is earning much more tat we had ever wanted to and am staying at home to look after my son...
I would only blame my parents for not asking abt this rather than my ILs for not telling my parents abt it...
Wat i am trying to say is... some ppl hesitate to check even the basic details thinking tat the other party might mistake them... do u think they would dare to ask if the guy will smoke/drink/flirt (the parents too might not be aware of their DS/DD's habits)... even if asked do u think they ask, will ppl say the truth...
I hope atleast it changes with time...

 

One more thought on this...
It again depends on the situation we are in...
Vn our kids are in marriage age, am really not sure how many of us would dare to discuss this with the parents or alliances we are seeing for our kids...
There are high chances for ppl taking it easy and not informing about such things at all...
Its rather easy not get into the topic, rather than saying lie tat my DS/DD will not drink/smoke/have affairs
Wat do u say????

 

Swaras, when people tell truth which is not a positive the prospective alliance runs away assuming the amount of responsibility to bear hence they resort to lying.... also my MIL attains PHd in art of lying even in general discussions so might leave this alone.

1) My DH had sun allergy & it was told to us that he's got temporary reaction due to using a public swimming pool... when the truth was he was already enrolled for a 2 yr bakson's treatment. Also he never visited me during the courship period & like all traditional parents mine felt this was the best to do.
These uv rays led to big boils & there was no intimate life at the end of day for first 1.5 yrs. but MIL never stopped asking for good news from mnth 3 of marriage.... I had no one to discuss this problem to & lived on as my destiny.... there was a sudden big respite to this problem when we went to rameshwaram & a local fisherman took us to some specific shallow water & made some fish go over him.. also by this time we could afford a car with uv filters... we still never fought over anything.

2) It was told that my SIL barely visits them annually even in same city, whilst the truth was when her ILs were around she would be in her parents house everyday & once they left for good now only weekends.

3) After too many complications for my son, the docs advised us to go for genetic counselling but he and his parents refused that we dont need it cos we dont want any further child... and also becos all docs simply question the mother if there was any infection during pregnancy as thats the major reason for disorders.

Great indian arranged marriages & great indian parents thanks to their reserved thought patterns.

 

dear swaras,

I dont think at any cast the parents can hide things to get their children married. One of our relative recently had her daughter married. The girl is little abnormal in the sence never talks, only will answer for the things we asked, very poor in her studies and didnt finish her tenth otherwise by seeing her you wont feel she is abnormal. The mother ( the girl lost her father) told the boys parents that she passed her degree and fixed the alliance. After marriage the boys parents started complaining that she didnt even know to count the money and not fit for sexual life and all. The beauty is before marriage for one month the boy used to call the girl every now and then and they used to go out in scooter. I wondered why he didnt notice her abnormality. They simply sent the girt to the mother, and we cant fight them because we found the mother bluffed them about the degree. With that strong point the boys relatives are so adamant for divorce.

The poor girl is now doing all the house hold and getting her mothers scoldings now and then.

ganges

 

Excuse the language, but I want to say this succinctly.
Which is why: Arranged Marriage can be such a dog or bitch!

The concept of arranged marriage is flawed in and of itself. Both the guy and girl only know very basic information on each other, not the characteristics and understanding which will take to mould a relationship.