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Telephone Niceties

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by satchitananda, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I knew they were evil.:imp: All around me I saw evidence of their evilness. Proof enough to convince a jury. I wondered whether to believe or not, how much to believe ..... till they gave me proof. George Washington would have given me some kind of National Award if he had known me personally. Why? No, he had all his marbles in tact, but I suspect he would have been touched that there was a person who was influenced by his and the Mahatma's (oh, not to forget Rama's - he was of course the original one) adherence to the truth. Well, I generally adhere to the truth. If inconvenient, I :mask:, but I can say hand on my heart, I would never tell a lie intentionally or with malicious intent. (I just glimpsed myself in the mirror. I even turned the lights off, but no, there is no sign of any shimmering halo around my head). Despite all that, 'they' made me lie the other day on phone. But the fault is all theirs and theirs alone. Every afternoon they try to sell me something new ..... and here we are trying to get rid of a useless product they have sold us. I try telling them I need to consult the BH (I am an OBW, you see? For the uninitiated that stands for obedient Indian wife:innocent:) and he is not at home.

    'What time will he be back?'
    'Very late at night. Call in the morning if you want to talk to him.'

    Now I wonder whether they want to talk to him or to me. They seem to love the sound of my :angry: voice. They always call in the afternoon when I am being Ms. Adave (horizontal). I stop picking up the phone. One afternoon, the Jr. Ms. Woman Friday picks up the call. She is still uniniated. She tells me they want to talk to me. I tell her to tell them to GO TO HELL. To tell them that she just saw me lying dead in the bedroom and that the family is collecting funds for the funeral and would they donate from their corporate kitty? She tells them I am not at home. There! I feel like those parents who have trained their kids to tell lies, though honestly I have not. She did not feel like being 'nice' to them and asking them to do what I told them to do with themselves. So technically, I did not tell a lie. I forgive them for that.

    Relatives from the ILs side call. They ask to talk to the mil. They assume that mil is always with us. A few times of this, then I pick up the phone and answer before they ask (of course after saying "hello" otherwise how would I know who was calling?) telling them directly, like an expert mind reader, without any further delay, (after all talk time is expensive, isn't it?) that mil is to be found in her own home, that being her normal habitat.

    'She is not picking up the phone in her house.'

    Not my fault. Personality disorders. 'She might be in the rest room. She might be in the garden.' She might not deign it fit to talk to anybody in the moment. Or she might be playing copy cat and doing a perfect imitation of Ms. Adave.

    Mil calls a few times. Remember talk time is expensive. She comes directly to the point and asks about her dearest son. In fact, if my students knew her, it would spare me the trouble of explaining what the German expression "mit der Tür ins Haus fallen" means. (Well, here is how someone who enters the house in the manner described by the phrase would do so upload_2016-6-13_10-4-25.jpeg ) Sonny boy is not yet home.

    'When will he come home?'
    'I don't know.'
    'Didn't he tell you?'
    'No,' (you never brought him up with such niceties).
    'Tell him when he comes back to call me.'
    'OK.'

    Orders given, orders taken. A few times later. I pick up the phone. I don't need to say 'hello'. I know instinctively who it is. I take in a deep breath. No wasting time on 'hellos'.

    "No, sonny boy is not at home. He has not yet come back. He has not told me when he'll be back. I shall tell him to call you when he does." I say it all in one breath. Baba Ramdev might see it fit to give me some kind of yoga scholarship.
    "OK, how are you? Did you have dinner?" The message has gone through. :smilingimp:

    Earlier, I used to be get upset by her calls and her nastiness. Today morning she calls him. He's in his favourite place 'taking rest'. She asks for him. I tell her where he is. (I can record that and play it to everyone who calls, because it is the truth most of the times. He lives there!) 'Tell him I had called him when he is back.'
    'OK.' :BangHead: Old habits after all die hard, or rather don't die at all.

    The message is conveyed. "Your mom had called. She asked me to tell you to call her when you were back. I have done my job and told you that she asked me to tell you to call her when you were back." Does he read in between the lines? I don't think he needs to. He knows. It is after all a story spanning 2 decades now. His expression is the most perfect impersonation of the medidating Buddha that I've ever seen. :expressionless:
     
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  2. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Haha. Shall I copy paste this to Yr MIL?
    Yes the tellecallers are crazy. But that one is great abt u being dead.
    Superb
    Regards
    Kamal
     
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  3. knbg

    knbg Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Satchi....
    Oh poor thing.....afternoon siestas are times when we transport our souls to the other realms...
    Tele marketing...and calls for/ from MIL.....no way....I know you...you know me.....:beer-toast1: even interesting chats are not interesting then....hahah....Once, when I was in another realm?!?! , my phone rang and it was DH....!!! He asks," are you ok? where are you?" I was :fearscream: it seems, an earthquake had occured few minutes ago...I was blissfully unaware....:redface::redface::sleep:ok buddy...wanted to peep in before my transportation......catch you later.....
    Enjoyed the post.....what brilliant words.....habitat eh.....:roflmao:infact, it was that word taht made me go:roflmao:and forego my siesta for a few minutes and type this fb....:thumbup::thumbup:
     
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  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sure Kamalji. You will have a very good friend for life. :-D
    This is the service provider who provides us lousy internet service and now wants us to upgrade!!! The gall, I tell you. Am surprised they don't suffer from cholecystitis!
     
  5. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Everyday I get 5 to 6 calls from the same number with various extensions.We don't disconnect.We allow it to ring.After two months calls automatically stopped.
    Telling lies while attending telephone calls is considered as Universal truth and 'no bluff image' is attached.
    Children telling'Appa told me to say that he is not at home'is very very common.
    30 years back we had no phones.No problem until we received a post card once in two months. No worry till then.
    Every day communication even from our kids is sometimes nagging.What to talk-about samabar,rasam or the street vendor or the servant maid eloping with somebody/ I eagerly long for those 'phone free' days.
    Jayasala 42
     
  6. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Satchi,

    You know honestly I do miss my FIL's calls from India :( He calls home, it invariably goes to answering and he gets agitated if I do not call him back in 5 mins. You know if i didn't pick up, it means I am not home - what with caller id, then calls son and son says the same thing and then he calms down! Well there, I spoke of it all in present tense I realize! He would every time beg me not to be expressive, no not about issues that would end up in an argument - that he loved but expressions of care and love but guess what after DD was born, he had learnt to say "I love you" to her to his own awkwardness, DH's glee, to my DS's rolling of eyes and me beaming with pride that if not me, my DD got to help him express. Well that's phone calls for you. The reason I even started writing was to express my confusion/ agitation/surprise at how little of the answering machine is used in India! Missed calls? Really? And Kelly knows how much I struggle to walk and talk or talk in the auto. She gave up on me quickly! It is really like I am completely deaf.

    So where I was going was with the need to answer all the phone calls. Activate that answering Satchi, the poor marketing guys would have had their quota of calling and you get to hear them talk to a machine with a smile on your face. It is such a joy trust me and if you want MIL can be allowed to talk to the machine too every now and then though I have a feeling all you get to hear will be a bang of the phone at the other end, perhaps with "answering again" wonder where she is all the time... :D That's a good way to keep the mind busy too you know and the next time you pick the call, it will be all about you!

    Oh I almost forgot. I read some place - If you still want to pick every call, I believe it is considered okay to disconnect when the caller is still talking and put it down to bad connection. Yes, that goes as "I called a person and spoke and did my sales call" to the marketing guy and you still get to smile :)
     
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  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Satchi,

    Oh those, telemarketing calls! Give me a break! Despite our phone number registered on "Do not call" registry, still calls come through. Sometimes, it is Windows department telling that our computer is corrupted due to virus and other times it is IRS telling that they are proceeding to the court for an arrest warrant for my wife, if she doesn't respond. We know by experience, those calls are spurious.

    One day, my wife got impatient (it is very rare) and she picked up the phone. When the guy said, "I am arranging an arrest warrant", she replied, "Please do. I am an attorney myself and I look forward to it". After that the call stopped. Windows department call slowed down but continue to come but we bang the phone down whenever he begins to talk.

    Regarding speaking with my mother, I always call her myself as she couldn't make international call. When we go to India, if my mother calls, she always ask only for me no matter who picks up the phone. What is wrong with the boys' mothers? When she talks to me, she asks, "How are you and how is your health?" When I respond, "I am fine", the next question is, "Whether everyone else is okay". Telling my wife's name appears to be illegal in Chennai. Only way to console my wife is to tell her that it is a live training so that you don't repeat this when you get your DIL.

    Viswa
     
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  8. ojaantrik

    ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Satchi,

    The MIL is another problem altogether. But I have a solution for the problem you started off with. A cousin gave me this lesson. When a person calls up and tells me he / she is calling from such and such organisation and whether I was such and such, I come up with a somewhat stern reply. "Where did you find my phone number?" They are taken aback. "Why are you asking Sir?" My reply, "Are you aware that unsolicited phone calls are illegal in India? I will report you to the authorities next time you call." That takes care of it. My ad calls are decreasing at a magnificent pace. There is another precaution I take. If the caller's number starts off with a 140 or a +91-140, I have realised that it is one of those murder calls. I reject them immediately. You can try and see.

    oj-da



     
  9. Scorpio707

    Scorpio707 Platinum IL'ite

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    LOL....that was a hilarious narration Satchi :thumbup:. Gosh I had a good laugh now recalling the number of times I've been through some crazy MIL calls. Same Q's repeatedly, sometimes to add a twist to the story my MIL would do a cross verification of her son's details as well :facepalm::BangHead: . Tell you a secret I put the phone on speaker sometimes and just make nodding sounds ;) , nasty and vicious me but needed at times :p .
     
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  10. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    Ha ha ha

    Satchi show the few tricks under your sleeves - when mil calls answer in a husky voice and each time give a different name of yours - you are not short of names right? :)

    Mil would be worried that son is upto some mischief :) Next time the phone rings he would rush out from his favorite abode and answer.

    Two in one solution you would agree. :)
     

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