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Teen's Academic Stuff - Amma And Dad Telling Their Friends?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Rihana, Mar 31, 2021.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    A teenager, 16 or 17 years old, says to Amma and Dad:

    "My school related stuff such as my grades, my extracurricular activities, which summer camps and internships I am applying to, which colleges I apply to, the admissions decisions as they start coming out ...don't share all these with your friends and co-workers etc. You can just tell them which college I choose finally and the major I decide to study."
    Is this a reasonable request from the teen? In your opinion, should the parents honor the request?
    .
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2021
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I think it is a fair enough request. My teen never cared whom I shared such details with, but I can understand why some teens would not like if amma, dad tell such stuff to others.

    However a friend and her husband, who have two teenagers, think differently and it has lead to big time arguments and slammed doors in their mansion.
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I personally feel it’s absolutely fine and the request is right.

    It helps avoid unnecessary probing and comparison and pressurizes the teen.

    My kid is still young but if she makes such a request..totally understand.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow..don’t want to judge but inwardly I feel it’s a fair request and the parents should Understand.

    why others need to know?

    maybe they want to know what other kids are doing and compare where their kid stands..

    this is just my personal opinion.
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    It’s a perfectly reasonable request. No one needs to know that much personal information outside of parents who are presumably paying for said education. Some people like to brag about their kids and some are very nosy and are always up in others’ business, but if it makes the child uncomfortable then their opinion should be respected . This is a vulnerable time in many kids’ lives and boundaries should be honored.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Like I said, in my house, my teen would tell me an SAT score or some other update and actually ask, "shall I get your phone? you want to text abc/xyz aunty?" I would reply, "We have better things to talk about.. we have lives beyond your scores.."

    Sometimes DH needed a little training on what to not blab at school events like concerts or open-house nights. For example, he wouldn't know that certain summer opportunities are hard to find and best if not many from one school apply.

    In the case of the friend I mentioned above, the husband had a genuine question. He says, "what should I tell when someone asks me what is your child doing this summer?" or "Is your child applying to Brown University summer program?" His argument was, 'they are my friends. I can't lie to them." : )

    I didn't know what to suggest ... But at 17 yrs old, one should respect the child's privacy. Would the dad like it if the child tells classmates about dad's job hunt plans?
     
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  7. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Lying is different from hiding the truth.I feel more than our friends our kids are important.

    He can casually say something and then divert the conversation.That’s what I feel.

    He can also answer very generic.I don’t
    think he needs to get into details and talk about it.Also,he also should not ask about other kids.

    At the same time, even if someone knows..someone compares..how is it even going to change what our child or their child is doing?

    I usually never get too close with anyone.I have my boundaries and most of my friends are having kids who are not in the same grade.Parents of my child’s friends, I keep them as acquaintances.

    No expectations no disappointments.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2021
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    On a lighter note,actually find it very funny when people brag..I personally find it silly and these days I use it to entertain myself :D

    All these achievements is just to satisfy their own ego and no one is going to give a single penny for another.

    I really do not care if they are the world’s best.As if it gives them moksha!hee hee.

    I usually act like am I am in awe :eek: and their ego is satisfied and they stop their bragging quickly,My entertainment is over and they leave and I also start doing something I like :)


    At the same time,some people genuinely wants to share their happiness.and am usually happy for them.I empathize a lot.

    when people are nosy..I act like I did not listen and ask them what they said again and answer in a bored manner.Smart people usually understand.Rest I just feel education never thought them anything,no class and let it go.:D
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2021
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  9. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    I dont share any info volunteerily unless someone press me for these info..LOL...I am super secretive :)
     
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  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Some people are very good at worming information out of you while giving away nothing themselves. I had one such acquaintance who would always pump me for details about a job I was in at the time and try to arrange summer internship for her kids. She conveniently disappeared when I needed a small help from her. My other friend scolded me for being such a “bekku” (Tamil for fool). I have learned since then.
     
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