Taking Care Of Parents' Retirement Funds.

Always ! She's the primary earning member. She's done everything single handedly with minimum or no support from dad. Like giving us education n getting us married. Whatever we are we owe it to her. Had they planned well they didn't have to sell the house they had for getting us married. We were naive back then and didn't understand why she's selling the house.
The shopping obsession is with sarees n jewels. Jewels are given away to the daughters and she hardly has any . But that makes her feel she's entitled to buy once she retires . Her plan is to buy loads n loads of Jewels, though she promised she wouldn't buy sarees. I see she has spent on shopping sarees recently. Her saree count amounts to 3000 plus (roughly) . Once she wears a Saree to repeat that it takes more than 3 Years . I have hardly seen Her repeat her Saree. Be it even the Kanjivaram Saree for a function or an ordinary one.
So since they don't have a permanent nest to stay Every 2 3 years it comes on us to look for a house for them, pack n unpack and arrange the things. Nothing is more difficult than packing those Sarees carefully and arranging them properly in the new house. Every chance I get a pack cartons of very old sarees n give away to maids and other needy and again she ends up fighting with me saying I give away as though I brought them. My husband still can't forget how I packed 6 cartons of sarees and gave away in a ladies ashram during their last shifting . I do this because there's simply no place to keep those sarees in every new home they move. All the wardrobes overflow always with clothes clothes n sarees.
Last year she brought a Saree, price close to 1L and gifted me. (in fact 2, one for my sibling) I happily wore it for some function until a relative came n told Me " did u ask your mom the price of the Saree " . When I later did and she revealed the price I felt jittery for wearing such an expensive Saree. I returned it to her saying without knowing I wore it and I can't accept the price. She got offended n fought and finally said if you both don't wear it's okay. I will wear it myself. My husband is still not aware of this drama and I don't think I can ever say him I wore such an expensive Saree. It's not that she can't Buy n wear such a Saree. But my point is it's not a priority at all. !
I get into an infinite loop trying to help them with their money mismanagement.

 

Thank you for this detailed reply. If there's anything I have thought about is something similar to what you have suggested.
The multiple arguments prompted Me to stay away from the mess and a few weeks back I handed over all the password, statements ,investment acknowledgements ,excel sheet etc to the sibling saying she can take over for a few months until I feel comfortable doing it again for them. Fair enough ,she supported me in this understanding, if there's anything I need to be doing now is then concentrate on the newborn.
But I have a few regrets : 1) for not having tried enough to migrate to that foreign land earlier simply because the good girl in me and the good boy in my husband said that aged parents(both set) need us more than that dream of going n settling in a foreign country. I feel like escaping from these oldies and migrating somewhere far to be peaceful from all this! For now grass really looks super green on the other side.. But no matter where I stay as you have mentioned your experience, if we decide to take it on us we will still suffer staying close by or far away.
2) The decision to keep them close : My greed to move to the city they stay few years back and to the same area and now same building few floors above us is making me feel trapped totally. If there's anything I can blame for such a decision then it's my Husband and partially my attitude . He was firm n hell bent in convincing me that no matter what his aged parents will be with us in their old age. I came to an agreement that as long as I also have that liberty to keep my parents close I cannot agree to this. He even went to an extent of finding a bigger house to keep both set of parents in one house and felt we all could be one "big happy family". thanks to my BIL who advised my hubby that it's not a great plan at all. If implemented all will be in a bigger mess. Keeping close makes sense than same house. .
Not that my sister isn't interested to move closer to them . She too has a house in same society as ours but she'll take time to move because of her child's school ,sports coaching etc. Probably I'll feel less trapped once she's closer because that Way I would feel she's also there to take the stress of handling aged parents.

What I have come to realize is whether it's in laws or parents, the 60 + category are tough to handle !! Just that their tantrums differ.. My notion was wrong that I can compensate staying with in laws by keeping my parents close by. I only invited the double trouble !
I'm done ranting! Thanks for reading. : ) I'm taking a few suggestions from this thread and going to concentrate on other important things in life.

 

HR some good suggestions from you as always. your pointers are right. They don't want to listen to someone who's half their age. Perhaps hiring an external person such as a financial adviser is also a great idea. Will consult my sibling for that.
Thanks

 

Lol.. Are u my mom by any chance..
This is exactly the thought process she has. The complaints came in the form of "you both don't buy me jewels n sarees " conveniently forgetting the other monetary help which we have done .

Old age worries , if I had a son he would care better..
Gosh!! I wish she never retired or goes back to some work where her mind is occupied....

All these have been brainstormed. So the current set up they will be staying permanently close to me, there's no rent which they need to pay and hopefully I won't have to headache to of moving them again elsewhere. Unless they decide to escape from me n my sibling.

They are open to retirement home set up few years from now. one good thing here.

 

The thread got deviated with problems but I have got what I was looking for. The planning part with the finances. ..
thank you!