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Taking Care Of Parents' Retirement Funds.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Anusha2917, Feb 9, 2021.

  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Anyone here who is a daughter and is taking full Care of parents' retirement money? Like their investments, bank accounts etc etc.

    I started a thread on the stress I'm undergoing trying to do that. But there I'm unable to pen down my points properly and Way too much information I would be revealing trying to convey my point of view. So I'm looking for a generic advice how I can do it without hurting my parents.

    To give a jist of the situation, parents haven't planned anything for the retirement life . Be it health insurance or their stay(they don't own any property of their own) . Mom's a spendthrift and all money goes in spending in Sarees n Jewels. So I decided to take charge n do a good savings plan but we end up arguing on so many things and finally what I understand is my parents feel it's their money n they should enjoy(buy Saree, Jewels n roam around to temples) with it as long as they are alive. My idea is to invest it safely so that they are secured for the next 15 years. This is giving them a feeling(partially fed by some relatives) that me n my sibling are snatching away their money so that we could keep it ourselves later . Our intentions are to make their future secured.
    Will having a legal document saying something like "we don't want their money later, but as long as they are alive their investments will be taken care by Me n my sibling " make any sense.
    Seeing the everyday arguments about the money this was suggested by my better half. He felt it's safe to have a legal document saying we don't require their money.
    How can I assure them I'm only doing it for their good.?
     
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  2. Anisu

    Anisu Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    It is good to have open talk with your parents and educate them on why retirement planning is the most important aspect.
    Ask them what their plans are and keep aside a lumpsome for their temple visits and their expenditure on other things. Unless you get their confidence, it gets too much to handle these day to day things.
    Have been there and know how tough it is to get to the same page.
     
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  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Are they able to afford their current lifestyle or are you supporting them financially right now? Do they have enough resources in case they need extensive medical care later on?
     
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  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes Anisu.. We have decided to have one talk very soon. All the questioning on why certain amount goes at a certain place ended in a lot of arguments . They are moving much closer to my house. Only reason to bring them much closer is to be for them in their old age so they feel safe n secured. So seeing all the drama which unfolds every day one option given by my husband and my BIL is to talk openly with them without ending up in an argument. So that talk we have planned and hope they understand our intentions.
     
  5. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    There is only the downside if such a legal abdication document exists.
    In India, when a person passes on without a will, the property passes on to the statutory heirs. Elsewhere in some thread I had posted a list of Class I heirs in the hindu succession act. If someone on top abdicates their share it will go to someone else.
    If you consult a local lawyer, they'd surely point that out.

    It appears that your parents are not retired yet. Unless you have a legal power of attorney or the joint-owner who can access their bank/investment accounts you can not claim that you are "taking full Care of parents' retirement money? Like their investments, bank accounts etc etc."

    OTOH, if you have full access to their financial accounts, and therefore information that shows what money comes in each month, and what money goes out, and there is a provision for emergencies (called rainy-day fund) that is good. You can ask them gently about their longer range plan when they are no longer working. You may slowly work them towards a more sedate behavior. That is about all a child can do.

    It would be a pity to discourage healthy people having fun roam-abouts, when they enjoy one another's company. Such a lot of older couples get morose in their aged life, and don't get along together even in simple projects.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2021
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  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Okay. So if their expenses are well planned and investments done in the right place they wouldn't need our financial help. Currently I'm unemployed so I have been very clear about not helping them until I am in a job. However my sibling is helping them. But what I found out from mom's bank account statement is, my sibling giving them x Amount , Mom had spent 6 times x amount in shopping sarees n blouse and multiple cash withdrawals of huge amount (God knows where it went) . When confronted by me it ended up in huge argument, "my money my wish " kind of attitude. It's not that they cannot afford the current lifestyle, they are unable to prioritize certain things. So my sibling has decided to not offer the monetary help which she is doing from coming month because they anyway have enough to shop stuff, then why not they look into their expenses themselves.
    This hasn't gone well with my mom. And she's extremely angry on me for seeing her account statement.
    Now my point is it was decided I will handle their banking . So obviously I have access to everything. In fact she isn't aware of even her internet banking password. I handle it. I was being made guilty to have checked her account statement..
    So my question here is did I do something wrong here?
    No. They neither want to pay their insurance premium (It was taken care and paid by me when I was employed and later past two years I have taken insurance outside and premiums paid by me n my sibling, now I want them to pay the premium themselves) nor they want to keep aside a lumpsome amount for medical emergency.
     
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    ^^^ That is a difficult problem.
    Son/daughter giving monthly support to parents, and discovering that the parents see it as "easy come" and spend it with an "easy go" attitude, that relationship is ready to go sour if the money stops. A solution would be to settle on an appropriate sum of money, and not investigate how it is frittered away. That can be considered the cost of keeping cordial relationships.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2021
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  8. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    One recently. Other one many many years back took a voluntary retirement. No funds left of that voluntary retirement.
    I have complete access and this setup with done with their consent and they admitted that they are not well versed with mobile/internet banking and for everything physically running to the bank for old couple was not an option !

    Nope they aren't a fan of rainy day fund and don't want to do it in future as well.

    Yeah I get this perspective now. They want to roam around to places . Probably I(we) should stop discouraging them from going. But I explained in other thread about how I got covid because of their travel. I know I should have been careful but the entire thing could have been a avoided.
     
  9. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    Given the above factors, and they haven't got much money, you have nothing to abdicate in a legal document.

    Dispensing retirement nest egg to oneself is done in a few obvious steps:
    1. Estimate Combined life expectancy for the couple.
    2. Likelihood of a phase of incapacity before death, and the estimated care expenses.
    3. Subtract estimated (2) from nest-egg, and distribute 90% remaining money over the life of the couple. This is sort of like a pension payment from one's own savings.
    4. Given the monthly cash inflow, adjust expenses to fit income.

    Investigate the expenses of a retirement homes in the town where you live. If the cost of living there is much less than the self-paid pension, you/they are doing good.
     
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  10. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    I was looking for this perspective. Thank you for this. So we(me n sibling) thought if we help them then we have all rights to know everything.
    I'll keep this point in my mind when we have an open discussion with them and share the same with my sibling - "we shall help and forget and not investigate further" . This exactly has been their argument. If u help us don't question us just because u r helping.

    But will it be fair on us ? Say me n sibling are assuming that they need help with their basics (groceries, electricity etc) and help them but notice that their priorities are different(shopping n roaming,) and they have enough n more for handling basics .

    My policy is help when needed. Will that be correct? or as you say help n don't question them. It's difficult to help n not question ! But I guess it's one solution to maintain our sanity..
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2021
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