Take life as it is.

Take life as it is.​

By​

Swayam​

“Darling I am not feeling well.”
“What happened?”
“You know that bai is not coming for last 5 days, so I cleaned every thing in one day.”
“So…...”
“So, you know ………too much sweating and dust was every where. So it created allergy.”
“Now I am getting sever headache and feeling like vomit.”
“Are you a gone case…who told you to do this?”
“Nobody, if I don’t do it then who will do?”
“People are doing and no body is complaining like you.”
“But no body is getting allergies like me….”
“If you get allergies in doing simple things like sweeping and mopping then you are the most incapable person in this world.”
“What? How dare you to tell me like this .I am feeling terrible, on top instead of words of compassion you are telling I am incapable.”
“If you can’t do these simple things in life then you can’t do anything in life.”

I felt the sting. So now I am incapable, I can’t do anything in life….Ok I will see you.

I said scornfully,
“So you can do every thing in life.”
“Yes I am doing.”
“You have too much ego.”
“I am a man I have to have that ego.”
“Then why are you not keeping a fulltime maid as all your friends keeping for their darling wives. They are also men. They are taking care of their wives. What are you doing other than delivering these obnoxious statements?”
“Hey look you can’t compare me with anybody.”
“I will compare what you have to do, I don’t care.”

I didn’t tell anything. He in a fuming state shut the door and went for office. I lay on the bed through out the day. I thought I must review my marriage vows. If I am committed to somebody not for today or tomorrow for seven births then is not it his duty to tell me at least a word of compassion. What if he would have sit before me running his fingers in my hair and told me a few words to soothe my headache. What if he would have taken a leave or at least a half day to be in my side? Is office is so important than me? After all I am a human being I need love, care and my due respect. One can’t take me granted. And that to it is not the first time he is doing this, every time I am falling ill he behaves in such an erratic way? Now I am young, capable to do things but what about my old ages when I can’t do anything? He will definitely throw me out saying you are no more a thing to be cherished. The thought of insecurity made me more and more sick. Vomiting also started. I was on the verge of nervous breakdown. I thought I need to have some money. But I will not take anything from him or else he will never forget to show his ego to me.

Tears started tickling from my eyes. I thought all the extremes that can happen. I roamed in the world of nothingness. Oh, what a terrible feeling that is……Just think nobody loves you ,no body is waiting for you ,just a wonderer today here tomorrow somewhere….What a feeling that is when you feel you are existing on this earth but nobody cares for you. You and only you, thirsty for love, for care, for that cozy atmosphere called family, a loving lover called husband…..I felt a stabbing sensation in my heart. What a feeling that may be when really somebody deserts you….In spite of your heart full of love somebody ignores you….What a feeling that may be when you love somebody and the other refuses to accept you. Why it happens. Why love never reciprocates the love. Why too much closeness creates vengeance in relations.
I thought should I go for a career option to get rid of it……… Or….. should I go to the Himalayas and roam there as a wonderer, to explore the truth of life. But I can’t go to Himalayas now cause I am young and beautiful. My beauty is my greatest obstruction? Who knows I may fall pray to some malevolent creatures. No….. ..I can’t take revenge like that.

I felt very helpless….I thought if I die today there is nobody around to see it…..Am I so unwanted?......Its really frustrating. My life …I am wasting for nothing…what I am going to achieve, when I can’t do my day to day work. My tearful eyes could see that unforeseen future when I have been kicked out my house which I am so far saying my home. I thought why it is my home? I am not going to stay here forever. Even my body is not my body one day this will go away. In this mortal earth is it anything immortal…..Then why I am mourning for nothing. Who is husband, who is a son, who is wife and who is a mom….all had to go one day…..I am spending my time in an empty world. All these love, hatred, peace, disturbance…all are words…… of illusion. It’s me my soul, my journey from birth to the death. It’s me….. my power, my self-confidence and my simple self……..I will have to make this journey successful…..I have to progress to the world where I can meet that almighty. But what the almighty is going to do ……I am on this earth, it itself is a mission to be accomplished. But what is that mission…who will tell me…….
I roamed in this vastness of earth. I don’t know when I forget my body pain. I even forget I am lying with my ailing body.
Suddenly the phone buzzed. I pick up the phone and found on other side my husband.
“How are you feeling now?”
“Still not well”
“Have you taken your lunch?”
“No I feeling like vomiting…so I don’t think I can eat anything.”
“Have some lime juice and take that medicine. I am trying to reach home soon.”
Suddenly I flared up.
“No need to come. I will be ok. Man …in this universe all are alone and all will leave it alone…...Ok….”
I suddenly put the phone without thinking what is going on in his heart.

end of part1