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Sweety's Diary : A B'lore (Wipro) techie's wife ended her life...Wanna know Why?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vebha, Jun 14, 2011.

  1. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    very sad to hear about this and i totally agree with `Srividya, she has said well, the girl should ahve not ended her life. When the guy had told her before marrieage bout his affairs why did she move further for marriage? was she desparate to get married?
    I am sorry if i a moff the track but i would like to understand that why in India the Boys family is extremely greedy for dowry, i really fail to understand. `i am indian but her in Nairobi dowry is not demanded infact the main wedding cost is shared by both the bride and the groom side also if any harassment is done by the groom or his family they are immediately taken to court and charged or the girl simply walks away from the marriage. Also these days here the weddings are done in the registrars office then a small reception is held and the parents of the groom and the bride give them cash money, also before marriage the groom gets his own place to live and its much better as it will save all the arguments and fights.
    I do hope that girls become more stronger and walk away from such marriages and live a good life.
    Sorry if i have hurt any one but i did not intend to do so.
    love
    alpa:cheers


     
  2. Jmusic

    Jmusic New IL'ite

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    I am going through something similar in life sweety and I can feel every bit of your pain. I am sobbing now as I write. Only I have not yet had the strength to take the final step as I am an only child and the thought of robbing my parents' lovely smile stops me. Also my best friend commited suicide before some years and I have seen how her parents have suffered so I do not want my parents to suffer in the same way. My husband is not having an affair but says he has fallen out of love with me. After giving 10 years of my life loving and standing by this man, sacrificing my career, everything, he says he wants out as he does not love me anymore and feels bored with me [we had a love marriage so I blame only myself for my position]. Every moment in life is a pain. I too am a girl who never cried but can't stop now. May your soul finally find peace and may I find the strength to go on or end it all.
     
  3. priya4prabhu

    priya4prabhu Silver IL'ite

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    Feel sad for being so innocent...

    he dont deserve her... she dont deserve to serve him.. god saved her...
     
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    First of all I want to welcome Vebha to IL and congratulate her on bringing such a sensitive topic to light. The diary almost reads like an anatomy of a disastrous marriage.

    As I read the diary I felt very sad and angry at Asti, all the others and our social set up for the whole chain of events. Sad for the unnecessary loss of a young life that held so much hope and potential. Sad for the parents who spent so much money to lose their daughter to death.

    First of all the "man" in question was such a coward. Did he not have a spinal cord to stand up and tell his parents that he loved Ramya and wanted to marry her? I cannot believe that anyone can "force" anyone to get married. Even if we accept that argument for a moment, why could he not inform her parents confidentially that this was the case and he was not interested in marrying Asti? Is it possible to believe that one who had the guts to have an affair and behave the way he did after he got married did not have the courage beforehand to say "Thanks, but no, thanks"? Did his parents not "force" him to get rid of Ramya and stop him from considering separation after the marriage?

    "Smartone's" parents. Why can't people just let their children be and let them marry whoever they want to and be happy? Teach them from the very outset to take responsibility for all their own actions, so that if they eventually decide to get married to a person of their own choice, the outcome is their responsibility. They have to learn to live with it and handle it? Why`do we have this "culture" and "tradition" of unnecessarily enforcing our wishes on our children in the name of "love", "care", "duty"? What is this misplaced notion of "respect and obedience to elders" when it ruins so many lives?
    Asti writes that they wanted a "cook" for their son. But the fact is (did Asti not understand this or did she want to turn a blind eye to the fact) that their son was a milch cow for them - they could demand indecent amounts of money as dowry for their "highly educated, well employed" son.

    Asti's parents. Not as individual parents, but as "girl's parents" as a generic lot. Why is it that we educate our daughters highly, but teach them from the time that they can understand or think that marriage is the ultimate goal of a woman's life and that after marriage they "belong" to the man's family and that she is an outsider (parayee) in her own parents' home - a guest who is looked after well and given gifts when she comes to visit?
    Why did the parents agree to give such abominable sums of money to the greedy people who demanded this money? Did they really believe that it is possible to buy a husband and happiness for their daughter with money? Did they not know that giving dowry is as much a criminal offence as accepting it?
    Why did they not insist on her returning home when they knew how wrong things were?

    Last but not least Asti. She was a very brilliant, intelligent, sensitive, educated girl. Why could she not sense the warning signals (which were mentioned in almost every entry in the diary) right away. What was the compulsion to marry this ***** when there were so many other men who would have happily married her? Romance and love are wonderful things if and when they happen, but to view the whole world and life with rose tinted glasses and to imagine romance where there is none? Had she never read the zillion reports in newspapers, magazines, on-line of such stories? How and why did she ever agree to get married to this *****? Even to the end she claims that she "loves" her husband and her "mummyji". Is this truly "love" or is she just trying to convince herself of her love for all these people? Why did she not just go back home, look for a job there or elsewhere and divorce this guy? My guess is it may be because she believed marriage to be the be all and end all of life for a woman. May be I am wrong, and it really does not matter any more.

    Asti has already punished herself (when it would have been much better for her to correct things) for all that happened. It is now for our justice system to punish all other guilty parties.

    As for Ramya, she is another Asti - only she is on the wrong end of the stick. She is also being blind and stupid in wanting to marry this guy and not thinking for a minute that he could do the same to her i.e. go and have another affair after he marries her. To such men, wives are boring - only there to feed them and provide them with their physical satisfaction. The joy of life for them lies only in eating forbidden fruit.

    I have always felt and at I still feel that youngsters in India get into marriage propelled by romantic notions with little sense of reality or responsibility. The attitude of "my parents know what is best for me" is a classic example of trying to abdicate all responsibilities for one's own life and trying to fob it off on parents. They don't stop a second to think that no matter what, after marriage it is their life that is going to be made or destroyed, not the parents'. And then even if the parents do support you, they cannot take away the pain and suffering from you. It is your own pain to deal with. That is the law of nature and no culture or tradition can change that reality of life.

    This post should come as a timely warning and reminder to young women who are going to get married. There is nothing such as excessive caution when it comes to choosing a partner. And if in doubt, don't marry (never mind if you turn out to be wrong). Better to err on the side of caution. Better safe than sorry.
     
  5. SUBHAARCHIE

    SUBHAARCHIE Gold IL'ite

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    Tears are rolling down my eyes... I am literally crying..don't know y? even what to write also...i am burdened...i am able to feel the pain of her...i am very upset...feel like calling my parents now...sometimes even i feel like...her...But i should never do that...my parents will be there with me...even god leaves me...
     
  6. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh....I was almost in tears while reading this...Felt so sad for the poor girl...May her soul rest in peace...
     
  7. LLavanya

    LLavanya Gold IL'ite

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    I dont have anything to say except tears. So sweet girl. He missed her ....
     
  8. kalpanareddy

    kalpanareddy Bronze IL'ite

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    I'm not getting words....sine i read this post i'm thinking about this girl only........poor girl...

    is she asti
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2011
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Because it's a really, really sad story. Most of us on this site are women, Sweety was also a woman like us. Many of us are married and have hopes, dreams of our own, so we can feel Sweety's hurt when all her dreams came crashing down. Maybe some identify with her feeling of helplessness. Maybe others identify with her hurt of being cheated. Others probably identify with having controlling parents that push them into marriage or problems with inlaws. Also Sweety was educated and sweet, just like many of the ladies reading this story. I think we all see a little bit of ourselves in Sweety, or view her like a sister/friend. Especially since her diary gave us such a personal look into her life.

    When I read her story, I just wished I could scroll up on my computer screen, turn back time, and tell her to reject this guy. It was terrible to know that the diary ends and there is nothing we can do about it. A part of me wishes Sweety's spirit is still around, and somehow, someway, she could read our comments and see how many people's heart goes out to her.
     
  10. sahiba234

    sahiba234 New IL'ite

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    Even i cried after reading her diary .....i can exactly feel how she felt
    being newly wed and being pure and facing such problems isnt easy nut to crack ,..................hope her soul rest in peace
     

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