Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will follow

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

The OP was about the right of parents to say no to their kids, and the OP posted it in the ILs section because as a DIL she hopes there might be a law in the future which will enable son and DILs to say no to his parents.

I think we lost this idea during the progression of the thread. Coming back to the original topic, I think it is a very valid thought. The court has ruled that children over 18 years should have their parents' permission if they want to live their parents. To make it fair, there should be a minimum age limit for parents when they can live with their children, say 70 or 75 yrs. Now, we all have different kind of health problems, abilities and disabilities. If parents younger than this age limit, who have serious health problems or disability should provide with sufficient proof of it and there should be strict guidelines that they have to follow if they want to live with their children and their spouses. This will ensure that they don't use their old age and health condition as a pretext only to interfere in the son's and dil's life. I know the whole idea may seem quite pathetic, but it is just to counter the ruling related to parents' right to say no to their kids.

My FiL was in his 40s when he blackmailed my DH to give up his career in a metro city and go and live in the small town where they lived. He was a very healthy man but a very lazy, incapable one. Now, a man at the age of 40, is also in a parent's position and a son's position. But by the law, if he wants to live with his parents, it is inappropriate, but if he blackmails his son to live with him, it is alright.

 

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

A very good question, Bhuvnidhi. Many NRI would say that wouldn't hesitate to go back to look after their parents if the need arises but in their heart they know that need would never arise because they have a sibling doing the needful. When the parents have some serious health scare, NRI's rush back to visit their parents and help their siblings but does anyone rush to India if their mother is suffering from common cold or fever?

 

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

Hi...
This judgement has both pros n cons....

Pros : Nowadays children are not the way they used to be they have become irresponsible in such situation parents have no way to give that big push to make them responsible....A govt act might be of use....

Cons : Its leaves aged parents to fend for themselves if they are ill not physically fit its an disadvantage it may give opportunist childrens a valid reason to stay away from them...Not to mention kids an upper hand to live as they want...
I mean la..US style saying they are adults they can start live-in.....n ruin there life...

Keeping in mind our cultural values our Govt shd have formulated a policy so that it will be win win situation...for all party..

 

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

I would like to say that all parents of sons are not parasites . My uncle expired a few years back and aunt wanted to live in her ancestral house .But within a month the sons decided to uproot her and compelled her to live with them. All her furniture and household stuff was put in a storeroom . She is financially secure and in good health.
The lady is shifted from one child to anothers home every few months and has been living out of a suitcase for a years. Her DDs too take turns to host her but she misses her home. She is ignored and confined to a room at her sons place and likes living with her DDs. Thankfully her Sons in law are nice.
Now her Sons and DILs have sold the ancestral house without informing her or the sisters. All her cherished possessions have been sold to a kabari-wala.
Maybe the sons and DILs thought that they would get a bad name if they left her at the ancestral home. Its sad to see her treated like a guest just because she lost her husband.

 

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

Flowerlady,
You have presented a very good example of how people have to suffer because of prejudices existing in the society. People do point fingers at sons who leave their parents alone. For the fear of society, the sons and dil have to put up a show of being dutiful people and take in the son's parents, even if the parents don't wish to live with them. Everyone ends up unhappy but who is to blame here?

 

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

I think looking after adult children and providing care for older parents are moral obligations rather than legal ones. Kids both boys and girls have moral obligations to look after their parents in their old age, especially when they know in their heart what they've done for them.

I don't know how we can legally force anyone to look after their old parents, if they don't want to. Not all parents are the same, so how will we differentiate? For example an abusive alcoholic dad...should the children have legal responsibility towards looking after this dad?

When a child is abandoned or an old person has been left alone to fend for themselves, govt should step in and provide care for them IMO (I can't think of a better solution).

As a general rule I think parents should never part with their savings/property for their adult children (not talking about college age kids here but older ones), if they do have to then they should make it as a loan payment. One more thing...writing a will - a very important must for all parents & should be periodically reviewed during their last stages of life.

As far as I'm concerned me and my dh would be more than happy to look after (hopefully with a help of a hired nurse(s) ) my parents and my in-laws when they need care. But unfortunately we might not be able to move to where they live (because of jobs + kids), so they might have to come and stay with us. If they choose to live on their own or with their other children then we can only provide financial support and visit them whenever we can.

I personally don't want to live with my kids during my old age, I would really prefer an old age home (hopefully a good one). I better start saving....

 

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

Although this thread was started from a DIL's perspective; on irresponsible adult kids, I would like to mention not long ago someone was asking for suggestion on how to get her sister to help her mother in household work in the relationship with parents and siblings forum, and almost all the posters suggested the OP to let her sister enjoy her life and not bother about household work and I am wondering isn't that the general mindset of adult females that they don't have any responsibility towards their parents and they can happily take them for grated for ever!

 

Re: Supreme Court - Kids after 18 need stay permission from parents/ reverse will fol

Its doubtful if any parent would genuinely want to live with DS or DDs home willingly.
If parasitic parents do land up permanently at DSs home then they have to wind up their own home , sell household furniture etc. and throw away their memories.Very painful.
Its hardly a happy situation to be confined to a room after being accustomed to an entire house/flat however large or small.
Its sad to note that some people feel that moving to DS or DDs house is the ultimate aim of every parent. If MIL helps the DIL , she is interfering , if she keeps out of the way then she is avoiding work!
Parents lose their space,social life and have to fall in line with the routine followed by the family.
They cannot freely invite their friends and relatives unless the lady of the house agrees.
They are treated as unproductive people unless they agree to baby sitting, attend deliveries even with their own aches and pains.
Moms are the worse off as they cannot complain like MILs and have to put up a brave face and look after babies and toddlers while DD is recovering or attends office.
The sense of freedom which one feels in ones own home is incomparable ,but old age and ill- health forces parents to look for support from kids.
Why would any lady want to relinquish her kingdom and move in as a commoner with her DD or DIL unless she has to or is forced?
Very few Moms and MILs /parents air their views on such volatile topics , mostly all dialogue is one-sided.