1. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Summary Of My Last Year On The Computer

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by chatkara_tasty, Dec 5, 2006.

  1. chatkara_tasty

    chatkara_tasty Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    271
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    1-I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue
    on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
    needs sealing.

    2-Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    3-I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
    who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    4-I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
    $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
    in their special e-mail program.

    5-I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
    for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    6-I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
    freaks with no eyes or feather s.

    7-I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
    buffalo on a hot day.

    8-Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
    an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    9-Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
    toilet stains.

    10-I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so
    a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    11-I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
    products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    12-I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    13-And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave
    anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

    14-I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
    with a needle infected with AIDS.

    15-I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
    sample and rob me.

    16-I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
    Qaeda in disguise.

    17-I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
    American troops or the Salvation Army.

    18-I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
    for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore
    , and Uzbekistan .

    19-I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
    replacement pair from Nike.

    20-I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
    recipe.

    21-Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
    African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
    bites my butt.

    22-Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can
    live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

    23-And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5 I found dropped
    in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
    waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    24-Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because
    I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

    25-And oh yeah, thanks for the live chats, true love guarantees, and Viagra.

    26-If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
    minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p. m.
    this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
    you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
    happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in- law's second
    husband's cousin's beautician.
     
    Loading...

  2. harithasasi

    harithasasi New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Henna,

    Its too funny .
    I also used to get these junk forward mails and i always wonder even one of them is true
     
  3. chatkara_tasty

    chatkara_tasty Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    271
    Likes Received:
    48
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female

Share This Page