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Successful Marriage - Please rush in!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rena2010, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. rena2010

    rena2010 Senior IL'ite

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    I never thought of giving this post in IL. But after seeing many of our friends having problems, I thought we all should share our successful marriage stories so that if any of the torturing/irritating husbands log in and see these threads, they can understand how stupid they are and how cheap they are that they harass their wife and doesn’t give freedom which they should get. I don’t think any of the husband(I am not talking about nice DH, I am talking about dominating/ill - treating DHs) log in to this nice site but at least if even one husband see this and change his behavior, then we won!!!!

    Also I need to tell here that there are not only struggling wives but struggling husbands too. Ladies also should read all of our success stories and learn how to have a fruitful relationship.

    My story for you all:cheers

    I am the luckiest person in this world to get such a nice partner. He is a lovable person and so kind too. He loves me so much that daily love fight comes between us :) and he wins :rant

    I feel so treasured, lucky and blessed to have him. He helps me in all household work and I don’t have the pressure of household work at all. Whenever I am not well or feel tired, he takes the whole responsibility and he doesn’t allow me to get down from bed at all. He brings everything to bed and gives medicine on time. I am little short tempered and he manages that temperament in a nice way that I come out of my anger immediately. He asks me for my decision in all the things and I play an equal role which I am supposed to do. I took a small break from my career and when I was planning to take a break, many of my friends advised me not to do that since I will not get respect in the family if I sit at home even if it is for a short period. But I didn’t give a thought on that and took a break. Actually after that only I had lot of time to spend with him and understand how precious gift of God he is!!!!!

    Even though I sit at home, he doesn’t allow me to do lot of work and helps me equally. He doesn’t even get a single penny from me or touch my money even though I wish to give him. He says “It’s your money which you get for your hard work and it should go for savings only which we can use later”. He is not dictatorial or dogmatic. He shares all the things with me after he return back from work and listen to my talk also patiently which helps for a strong bond. He understands me very well and has a high hope on me that he never allows my in laws to dominate me in a wrong way. The marriage life will be very normal if there is not even a small fight between a couple but the victory is in how the couple handle that situation. We do have fights which increase love and make us understand how important we are for each other. He never takes any of the matter to his parents and finish off with me (privacy which is more important for a successful relationship). He helps my parents also when needed and talk to them over phone thrice in a week or so. This is the only thing which parents need after giving their kid to a new home/new environment. Parents feel so secured due to this communication which happens often. I can go on writing about him but I don’t want to bore all with my story :bowdown

    Important ingredients of a successful marriage are understanding and adjustment.
    Important ingredients of a failure marriage are ego and domination.

    I want to share certain do’s and don’ts with all so that everyone can have a successful relationship to a certain extent.

    Do’s (Applies for both male and female):

    1.Express your love often
    2.Spend time with family at least in weekends(May be try to watch a movie in home on Friday nights)
    3.Share your happiness and sorrows often
    4.Solve indifference then and there
    5.Be honest and have trust
    6.Complement, compromise and sacrifice certain things frequently
    7.Ask them for suggestions and give equal importance while taking decisions
    8.Do give some gifts and cards
    9.Give a shoulder under critical and tough situations
    10.Know his/her likes and dislikes and make him/her happy
    1.Don’t take things for granted
    2.AVOID EGO
    3.Don’t compare or criticize
    4.Don’t always try to be right
    5.Don’t expect him/her to be in the same mood always
    6.Don’t be verbally abusive
    7.Don’t always be your mom or dad’s side and ignore his/her views
    8.Understand the pressure in his/her office if he/she come late to home
    9.Understand that you can also have mistakes in your side and don’t think only he/she will be always wrong(avoid arguments)
    10.Don’t ignore respective parents
    I thank God for giving such a nice and precious gift to me!

    I want everyone of you to join with me and help people to have a good life ahead..Share your successful stories and dos and don't s which you learned through your marriage life.:thumbsup

    You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. - Anonymous
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2010
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  2. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Rena I loved your post. You are lucky to have such a nice partner! :)

    All the points mentioned should be followed by both Husband and wife. That is where the success of marriage lies. If one doesn't follow it, the other becomes a big fool.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2010
  3. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Mithy, there is no success formula for marriage, NONE period. To call a marriage successful or unsuccess few events are enough which no one would know when they turn up

    In theory internet is full of how to make relationships better, in practice its not that easy.

    In your OP I could just see how you are happy because you get so much out of your husband as you desire, but how much does he get out of you in the relation I dont see. He behaves nicely with you, even if you are short tempered he handles nicely, he helps you at home even if you are stay at home, he does not involve his parents, all this is nice husband qualities, but I see him only giving and giving, what are you doing to make it better?

    Why are the fights happening? what are you doing to make relationship better or fights not to occur, it looks you got a good husband and we dont see such stories often, but good because you get what you want, and he treats you well no matter what you do. Tomorrow if he stops helping in your home because of work pressure of life changes, or when you are shouting at him for no reason he replies back, he will become bad?

    How old is your marriage?
     
  4. sillygurl

    sillygurl Senior IL'ite

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    C'mon Tridev...Give that girl a break!

    Correct me if am wrong - but 'rena's post didn't sound like SHE'S looking for advice to me, but on the other hand she was trying to share her success story and genuinely trying to help others who are having problems. The thing is what works for one may/not work for other. She tried to explain her success mantra- so take it or leave it. Don't bully her for no reason - I BELIEVE that everyone is entitled to their opinion, so do you - but we should see whether what we say is making sense - JMO


    Rena - Thanks for sharing your story with us and hope that you guys remain the same way till the very end.


    One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.

     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2010
  5. rena2010

    rena2010 Senior IL'ite

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    Mithy,

    Thanks a lot..

    In your OP I could just see how you are happy because you get so much out of your husband as you desire, but how much does he get out of you in the relation I don't see

    I am so happy to tell what I get from him rather than telling am doing everything for him. Probably he may post what he get from me. At that time you can see. Anyways I will tell few things which I do in the question below. Also I started this thread to tell what my husband does for me and how happy I am and not for what I do to make him happy. I will post that as a separate one if I wish.

    but I see him only giving and giving, what are you doing to make it better?
    In a marriage life, there is nothing like only giving and giving from one end. Its sharing from both the ends. I help him in his office work, prepare his favorite recipes,understand him when he is under stress at office and try to cool him, taking care of him when is not well, spending time with him in an effective way etc.

    Why are the fights happening? what are you doing to make relationship better or fights not to occur
    Without fights, life is not normal. Fight can occur due to care too. If he is not taking medicine when he is ill, I fight with him in love and not in anger. When he is not eating properly during his out visit, then I scold him etc. Life can contain small fights but life should not be full of fights.

    We can't say fights cannot occur at all but I can reduce the level and occurrence of fights to a certain level. Once again, fight means its not like as you think where we don't talk for a couple of days or month or so. To reduce the level of fights, we can avoid doing things which disturbs the partner and adjusting at certain situation where it is needed.

    Tomorrow if he stops helping in your home because of work pressure of life changes, or when you are shouting at him for no reason he replies back, he will become bad?

    He will not stop helping me and I will not shout for no reason. But if it happens, he will not become bad to me since I never expected him to do for me. Even if he doesn't help, he is my lovable hubby only. Also if I shout with no reason, he can understand that due to some pressure only I am shouting and he will keep quiet for sometime. He will discuss about that with me later when I am feeling okay and he will explain me that it hurts sometimes when I shout if at all I shout at him. So I will accept that and try not to repeat that.


    How old is your marriage?

    One and half years of marriage life. Again years of marriage doesn't describe success. Even these days we can see people getting divorce in 2 days of marriage life. After 60 years also, you will see a similar post from me in IL :thumbsup
     
  6. rena2010

    rena2010 Senior IL'ite

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    sillygurl,

    Thanks for getting my point correctly. I will surely follow this mantra and keep this successful till end as you said. :)
     
  7. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Rena

    Good, hope it stays that way for you.
     
  8. sabarimathi

    sabarimathi Gold IL'ite

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    hi rena,

    that's the crux of y'r writing. :bonk. Y'r feelings for the OP is commendable. Wonderful post. How can i stop thanking u enough on behalf of all our ILs. U've taken pains to give this wonderful potion even though u're not one such victim. That shows y'r compassion and kindness.

    thanks &
     
  9. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Now are you not bullying me?(why did you not take it or leave it) you are saying take it or leave it, the forum is for discussion and not reading ONLY, when she laid down some points that were nothing but advice to make marriage success and it was not her story only. It was no way that I want to discourage her, she is in good marriage and I wish her the same, but it is imp to sound practical isn't it, that is what I feel I sounded.

     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2010
  10. sillygurl

    sillygurl Senior IL'ite

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    See Tridev - Please go and RE READ your post , then you'll understand what you were trying to do .

     

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