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Success Stories Anyone?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by infinitehopes, Feb 17, 2009.

Did suggestions given to you by other ILites help you solve the problem?

Poll closed Mar 19, 2009.
  1. Yes

    20 vote(s)
    90.9%
  2. No

    2 vote(s)
    9.1%
  1. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    It has made feel lucky that I got a husband who understands me, loves me, communicates with me, protects me from his parents, and is willing to work on our marriage. Because this forum has shown me, there are lot of husbands who DO NOT do all those things.

    It has made me feel unlucky that I got the inlaws I have because so many of you have mentioned having wonderful inlaws (I'm jealous! :)) and it makes me realize what I'm missing, and it has also made me sad that I was not born with a sister, because after posting here, I can see how much love and compassion women have for each other, and would have liked someone like one of you permanently in my life.

    It has made me realize, that I will always be better off and worse off than some other women in the world, and to be thankful that I'm not at the bottom, and hopeful that I can someday reach the top. I get inspired by the ladies who have turned their life around, and it gives me confidence to face life's little challenges. And most of all, my faith in humanity has not been let down.... when I see perfect strangers, all banding together to help each other out. :thumbsup
     
  2. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    I was in the middle of mess of my life when I logged into indusladies. All this while I'd been able to handle issues/ failures all by myself however at that time I grew very very weak to find anymore strength within myself or people around me.

    Got unbiased parties to reply to my concerns and thoughts... moreover I was able to pen down a lot of things that went wrong. There were few respondents who were of my inlaws thought pattern so was able to relate or understand their point of view. With the steam gone I could communicate better with fulltime tortoise DH .

    From this site I came to know that there can be hatred in all possible relationships apart from the basic ones that I knew in my life, saw world from lot many perspectives. Also came across quite a few humrous posts to pep up my spirits. Found a real-time social community to interact on a regular basis and discuss issues which you cant do with known faces.

    Reading posts from younger ladies with loads of revolutionary thoughts reminded me of what I was & I feel rejuvinated and ready for challenges.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2010
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    I just stumbled upon the site looking for some ebooks. Little did I know that there could be a forum discussing family issues. (Yeah I am naive in some matters :bonk) I was taken by surprise on some posts that discussed sensitive family issues over the net and taking suggestion from total strangers (sometimes for too-personal things like should I say 'yes' to my husband when he..... ). It was a whole new concept for me. Took some time to get the hang of it.

    Slowly I understood the power of this platform. It does have its influence on me like it did on many.

    One positive impact is, I grew MORE appreciative of my spouse, my life & all the people in it. I ALREADYwas.. but IL multiplied it manyfolds, especially towards my DH & his FOO. I feel lucky to have my man as my DH when I read about DHs that are far different from mine.. (yes.. imo, those men are just different not wrong.. just incompatible..)

    I understood that certain things are that way not only for me but for many. My sanity is preserved. :)

    A sort of not-positive-not-negative impact on me : Offlate women turning desperate to IL with stories like 'my husband has ema after decades of yrs being married to me'.. shook my soul. Unlike before, I am not overly confident of my 'rock solid' marriage now. I began to believe that a marriage would remain solid till you care enough to keep it so. It needs constant attention like a plant needing water.. like a baby needing food.

    A positive result: I listen to my 'marriage'. I water it. I feed it.

    Aside from marriage & relationship related impact, there is an impact on my 'self' too:
    Looking at an issue in different perspectives through different people widens my scope of understanding. I grow more tolerant (me thinks so.. :hide:).I am learning to voice my views while at the same time trying my best to not step on anyone's toes.

    I learn to keep myself immune to some of the negative vibes some type of posts spread, yet try as much as I can to spread the cheer & the positives of life.

    Overall, I like the influence of IL on me. I hope to learn more during my future stay.
     
  4. APassionateOne

    APassionateOne New IL'ite

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    IL's influence on my marriage:

    like others said...I feel more Thankful for my Husband after reading many posts here.

    IL's influence on my life:

    I appreciate my kids and Parents better now. I haven't had a real need to get help and advice that affected my life significantly so far. My questions generally received various kinds of views and advices, which may or may not have helped me to resolve the matter.

    IL had a very deep impact on my time management. At one time, I spent hours and hours here (I like browsing IL so much Computer Typing), but I regret that all those lost hours have not helped me in any practical way (or may be they did?? :idea
     
  5. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    Appreciate - When one's expectations go overboard there should be something to smack your head and make you aware of your blessings. When you see so many issues and less fortunate people struggling to make things better, it puts where you should be - appreciate what you have and count your blessings.

    Logical Thinking - It can help one analyze a situation before jumping to conclusion.

    Helping - Yeah sense of helping a stranger during their troubled times. In real world many might think twice before lending their hand but not in a forum.

    Different perspectives - You might be the victim. You might be the abuser. you never know, you just know that you are hurt and need a clarity. A forum is a place where there are advices that analyzes you, gives you options and advices that you dare not think, don't want to. Different perspectives to the problem that helps you to understand better.

    IL helped me enrich myself as a human being with the above I would say. Effect on my personal relationships? that I think it depends on who I am :mrgreen: end of the day ;) not IL definitely
     
  6. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    I stumbled upon IL about 5- 6 months ago. Searching for something for my LO and was amazed at the different discussions that were being carried out.

    I never thought that I will actually create a login and actively participate and I did. One of the threads in the parents forum pulled me in. I am an ardent IL visitor since then.

    How it has affected me.
    • Definitely made me appreciate my DH and his FOO as well as my parents and siblings.
    • Made me think articulately before saying something.
    • Gave me so many Cyber sisters,friends,aquaintainces.
    I wait for many frequent visitor's replies and the Music and community Chit Chat has become my pet visit threads. I have also explored all various threads and was surprised to enjoy the Organizing/recipes/cleaning section. I never knew I cared about that till now.

    Will post more if I think of anything else.
    FL
     
  7. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    Well it's been mostly positive.

    Echoing what others have said, I learnt that the grass is the same color across most lawns i.e. issues arise in each and every marriage.

    That said, I realized my DH is a better guy that many others, so I should be thankful for that. Same goes for my IL's - they may be bad but not as bad as other IL's . This realization brought me a lot of peace of mind and enabled me to handle them better.

    Also gave me a boost in my self confidence to see that I had instinctively done the right thing in handling my relationships in the past and encouraged me to stay on the right path for the present and future.

    That being said, I must say that there are a lot of strong women on our forums who advise OP's on leaving a husband when there is domestic violence involved. I 100% agree that it is the right thing when the DV is an ongoing and continual thing and the life of the woman is at stake. But to advice ending a marriage because of some random incidents is not the right thing to do. And then to tell the OP that she is doing the wrong thing by staying in the marriage is also not a good thing. I am sure that the advisers will think differently if it was their married life at stake.

    Plus we must remember that not all women are strong enough to make a decision to end a marriage. Rather than berating them, we should encourage them to become stronger and more self-confident. That way, if their marriage is truly on the rocks, they will be better able to make a decision on whether to continue with it or not.

    My 2 cents!
     
  8. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?

    DITTO here, Pooja.

    Often times I come across posts by ILs that are strikingly similar to situations I myself faced in my marriage/relationships somewhere down the line. And just instinctively (as you said) I handle(d) them well. When I see OPs tangled to the point of no return, it double confirms the worth and validity of my principles and practices. I stay on track with more awareness and affirmation now.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2010
  9. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: IndusLadies and its influences on your marriage - What is the impact?


    Great minds thing alike :) :cheers
     
  10. raha256

    raha256 Bronze IL'ite

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    hi ladies,
    after a very long gap i logged in. that too very happily.
    now i am my new sweet home. each and every corner is mine. i thank all the ladies who gave excellent ideas to solve my trouble. but the way i entered my sweet home was full of stones. but atlast i reached my SWEET HOME.

    my MIL Verbally abused me a lot. but whenever she absued me i felt as if all IL's are holding my hands. your words gave me courage to speak firmly what i want.
    i have started saying "No" if i dont like something. now i am able to speak for myself. once again thanks to all of you.

    every corner of my home is designed by me. my MIL is extermely bad with me now. she has said to her neighbours that i should die. let her speak. i am happy in my place.

    Malayatha, your messages are bold and toooo good. i like it.

    happpily
    raha
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2010

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