Stuck With A Liar - Please Suggest

Deborah · Nov 1, 2018

@foxybeat - that is truly a horror story. Hugs to you!!
Our instincts are right most of the time , giving us an idea about what we should do. But we generally tend to shut it out, giving benefit of doubt to the man in our lives, thinking all will change.

Deborah · Nov 1, 2018

Lightsource said: ↑

He's a Canadian PR holder and he has withdrawn the sponsorship that resulted in cancellation of my PR application. He told us that he would apply afresh and this got cancelled because he had submitted one-way ticket back home, while the application was under process. There is no such immigration policy and I have confirmed the same with them. He has tried to fool all of us, as usual. Thank God, we did not fall prey this time. Not sure what were his thoughts, on deciding to take me back.
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You are right , there is no such policy. Infact, the person cancelling his/her sponsorship has to provide a valid reason for doing this .So, he was actually doing all this behind your back.

Lightsource · Nov 1, 2018

Rakhii said: ↑

@Lightsource its possible to nullify a marriage based on it not being consummated. Happened to my cousin. However, the court will ask you to submit a medical report saying so (i.e no sexual intercourse happened in so and so time frame...they dont test for virginity and all).
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Okay, Thanks for the information. Will see to it.

Lightsource · Nov 1, 2018

foxybeat said: ↑

You could have written my story !!!!

Married around 10 yrs (love marriage). After marriage refused to sleep with me... .each time it was a diff lie, parents are visiting so not comfortable, too much stress due to money, I am fat so he is not abe to have sex, he is impotent. All this after trying to force me to have sex with him before marriage itself.

He had no job (dont know if he quit or was going to work secretly), made me pay all the bills, made me take loans of more than 8L-10L for him. Made me move to the USA to repay all the loans, 'borrowed' money from me for his parents business and troubled times every month when I was in the US. Used me to move to the US, sat at home for 1 year without looking for a job or even doing anything around the house or helping.

Then finally got a travelling consultant job, refused to get a local job saying his field nothing can be there like that, can only live together after getting GC. Refused to have sex with me all the time. I was busy trying to figure out all the the other problems he would keep sending my way so I cant focus on the actual situation in hand. Always with some excuses, refused to see sexologist saying they will say 'weird things and tape us having sex' , its not safe !
After a lot of pushing , made me buy him some Viaraga from the shop, slept with me once , got me pregnant. Then said we need to have safe pregnancy so no sex. After kid was 1 yr, I again asked ..his reply... "what is there in sex, why do we need sex, we can live as friends as long as we are happy". I did not even say anything for that. He kept forcing me to pay all the bills while he was still 'helping his dads business'

Finally after several yrs , I spoke to my parents and they were the ones who said it seems like a lot of lies and maybe he is doing something outside. What we found out was like a horror movie story..... he was sleeping with so many girls for money and was proposing marriage to many girls since the time of marriage. As we started finding out he had taken all the money from me just to use it to pay the girls. Nothing was ever given to his family. Everything was a lie !!!!! The amount of lies is so much its so hard to keep up.

I realized then that he is mentally sick and his parents know it and they did not do anything about it. We are separated now and I have my kid with me and taking care of her. Its a hard road but its a much better road for us cos we dont have to live with the mentally sick person.

You seem to have realized it much earlier than me and are in a much better position to get out. If you thnk he is not correct then you should move, it is not the end of the world to have a broken marriage. There are things that are much more important than a marriage.

Prayers and wishes that things work out the way you want !
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Thanks foxybeat for sharing your experience.

You're situation was worse than me, but you have proved your will power and stood strong! Kudos to you! I have lost trust in men, still couldn't understood how these people take women for a ride. I have an intense urge to punish him, for all the deeds he has done to me and my family. I am not able to digest the idea of letting him Scot free. Unfortunately, expert's opinion is to get out of this rut, as soon as possible, instead of spending time and energy in penalizing him.

Could you punish him in any way?

Lightsource · Nov 1, 2018

SinghManisha said: ↑

Sorry for what you are going through. You have no future with a emotionless liar like this man. Do not complicate your life any further. Even if he does not have a criminal background you will be leading a lonely life being married to him. It will be devoid of any intimacy and that is very painful. Every woman wants to be loved , coveted , yearned for. It is not just a simple physical desire but a beautiful expression of love. A marriage without intimacy is like food without salt. It can have serious implications on your self esteem, peace of mind and happiness in general. Bottom line this marriage is not worth saving.
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Yes, I get your point. Thanks Singhmanisha.

Lightsource · Nov 1, 2018

Deborah said: ↑

@foxybeat - that is truly a horror story. Hugs to you!!
Our instincts are right most of the time , giving us an idea about what we should do. But we generally tend to shut it out, giving benefit of doubt to the man in our lives, thinking all will change.
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I totally agree. I have tried to shut my gut instincts for long time. I realize it only when I think back.

Deborah · Nov 1, 2018

Lightsource said: ↑

Thanks foxybeat for sharing your experience.

You're situation was worse than me, but you have proved your will power and stood strong! Kudos to you! I have lost trust in men, still couldn't understood how these people take women for a ride. I have an intense urge to punish him, for all the deeds he has done to me and my family. I am not able to digest the idea of letting him Scot free. Unfortunately, expert's opinion is to get out of this rut, as soon as possible, instead of spending time and energy in penalizing him.

Could you punish him in any way?
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Nope. Although a feeling of revenge is justified but it will take a toll on you too. If you are able to get out of this smoothly ( no stretched out legal battle etc) , count your blessings and put your best foot forward .
Just let karma do its work.

blooms4me · Nov 1, 2018

Yeah, don't waste your time any more. What is over, is over. No use crying over spilled milk. Green card processes can take a long time, depending on his status. So look into that too. Try getting some help from your friends or family for some alternate accommodation. You will pull trough. Don't worry. Its just a bad phase of life now.

foxybeat · Nov 1, 2018

Lightsource said: ↑

Thanks foxybeat for sharing your experience.

You're situation was worse than me, but you have proved your will power and stood strong! Kudos to you! I have lost trust in men, still couldn't understood how these people take women for a ride. I have an intense urge to punish him, for all the deeds he has done to me and my family. I am not able to digest the idea of letting him Scot free. Unfortunately, expert's opinion is to get out of this rut, as soon as possible, instead of spending time and energy in penalizing him.

Could you punish him in any way?
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There was a time when I wanted his family and him to die in the worst way possible for what they had all done to me, but what does that do for me ..... does it get me back my life.... So its ok to have such thoughts but its better for us to come out of it and be strong and move forward !

Over time you will get used to the idea of letting him go.