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Stuck With A Liar - Please Suggest

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lightsource, Oct 31, 2018.

  1. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, agree with @DDream . It's better to walk out now that you are on home turf, especially if the marriage isn't consummated yet or it was a fake performance put up by him ( only you can judge that ).
    But I also wonder why he came all the way back with you to India when he had something to hide .Could it be that he wants to come out of the closet now ?
    I also agree with the therapist - there is no test / scale to measure or grade someone as per their sexual inclinations.One could be attracted to the same sex or the opposite or both , and still keep it to themselves . He needs to come out on his own , which he doesn't want to probably for his own reasons .
     
    Paru4u and SinghManisha like this.
  2. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks DDream

    Thanks for letting me know, I will clarify with the lawyer.
     
    GlobetrotterG likes this.
  3. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks Deborah

    I am contemplating separation right away. I also wonder the same, but he hasn't come out of the closet yet. In fact, we had already booked our return tickets, after a few couple therapy sessions. Only after a few more developments confirming his lies and suspicious activities, I decided to stay back and started to think if this relationship is worth continuing.
     
  4. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Don't go back if what you said about him removing his sponsorship is true . Infact, no woman should leave before her GC gets finalized post - marriage . I have seen a few cases now where the woman travels to foreign land on tourist or temporary visa just to married or post - marriage thinking that she should be with the husband as soon as possible and later , the H /in laws throw the woman out saying this won't work and withdraw their sponsorship for her PR. Atleast if the woman waits and goes once her GC gets through, she can stay back legally in that country even if such a situation arises.
    However, in your case, if the marriage hasn't been consummated, it's better to separate .
     
  5. blooms4me

    blooms4me Bronze IL'ite

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    @Lightsource , Sorry to hear about your situation. But like many others said, power through gal. Take charge and make changes in your life. Starting with asking yourself if u really want this kind of a life. Only a spouse living together will know the real behavior and habits of the partner. Its ok to get your elders involved but its you who has to really make a decision. Let him come out of the closet when he is comfortable. But make sure in all this mess, you are not blamed and ill treated. Talk to him about what you really need, may it be separation or sponsorship or alimony. if he doesn't listen ,I would suggest moving legally. You are not at wrong at all dear. So why should you suffer? Be strong. Its going to be difficult but look at the big picture.
     
  6. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    He's a Canadian PR holder and he has withdrawn the sponsorship that resulted in cancellation of my PR application. He told us that he would apply afresh and this got cancelled because he had submitted one-way ticket back home, while the application was under process. There is no such immigration policy and I have confirmed the same with them. He has tried to fool all of us, as usual. Thank God, we did not fall prey this time. Not sure what were his thoughts, on deciding to take me back.
     
  7. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for your kind words. It means a lot.
     
  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    @Lightsource its possible to nullify a marriage based on it not being consummated. Happened to my cousin. However, the court will ask you to submit a medical report saying so (i.e no sexual intercourse happened in so and so time frame...they dont test for virginity and all).
     
  9. foxybeat

    foxybeat Platinum IL'ite

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    You could have written my story !!!!

    Married around 10 yrs (love marriage). After marriage refused to sleep with me... .each time it was a diff lie, parents are visiting so not comfortable, too much stress due to money, I am fat so he is not abe to have sex, he is impotent. All this after trying to force me to have sex with him before marriage itself.

    He had no job (dont know if he quit or was going to work secretly), made me pay all the bills, made me take loans of more than 8L-10L for him. Made me move to the USA to repay all the loans, 'borrowed' money from me for his parents business and troubled times every month when I was in the US. Used me to move to the US, sat at home for 1 year without looking for a job or even doing anything around the house or helping.

    Then finally got a travelling consultant job, refused to get a local job saying his field nothing can be there like that, can only live together after getting GC. Refused to have sex with me all the time. I was busy trying to figure out all the the other problems he would keep sending my way so I cant focus on the actual situation in hand. Always with some excuses, refused to see sexologist saying they will say 'weird things and tape us having sex' , its not safe !
    After a lot of pushing , made me buy him some Viaraga from the shop, slept with me once , got me pregnant. Then said we need to have safe pregnancy so no sex. After kid was 1 yr, I again asked ..his reply... "what is there in sex, why do we need sex, we can live as friends as long as we are happy". I did not even say anything for that. He kept forcing me to pay all the bills while he was still 'helping his dads business'

    Finally after several yrs , I spoke to my parents and they were the ones who said it seems like a lot of lies and maybe he is doing something outside. What we found out was like a horror movie story..... he was sleeping with so many girls for money and was proposing marriage to many girls since the time of marriage. As we started finding out he had taken all the money from me just to use it to pay the girls. Nothing was ever given to his family. Everything was a lie !!!!! The amount of lies is so much its so hard to keep up.

    I realized then that he is mentally sick and his parents know it and they did not do anything about it. We are separated now and I have my kid with me and taking care of her. Its a hard road but its a much better road for us cos we dont have to live with the mentally sick person.


    You seem to have realized it much earlier than me and are in a much better position to get out. If you thnk he is not correct then you should move, it is not the end of the world to have a broken marriage. There are things that are much more important than a marriage.

    Prayers and wishes that things work out the way you want !
     
  10. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Sorry for what you are going through. You have no future with a emotionless liar like this man. Do not complicate your life any further. Even if he does not have a criminal background you will be leading a lonely life being married to him. It will be devoid of any intimacy and that is very painful. Every woman wants to be loved , coveted , yearned for. It is not just a simple physical desire but a beautiful expression of love. A marriage without intimacy is like food without salt. It can have serious implications on your self esteem, peace of mind and happiness in general. Bottom line this marriage is not worth saving.
     

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