Stressed because of Money Minded In-laws family = Need urgent Suggestion

leeching on to elder siblings for such things is a very low level act. I do not support it. If ops bil had genuine internet problems which I think is not true in today's time, can also repay his elder brother back. Bahiya here is the money thanks for booking the tickets for us. There is no harm in returning the money to siblings as they also have families to run. OPs husband poor man is spending nothing on himself, he is paying for sisters wedding loan. Why he should bear all the expenses. Just because he is elder. When both the brothers are earning they should divide the expenses. There is no harm in supporting the family but every one must do there share. He got the sister married now mother is demanding gifts and clothes for the children . I hate such mothers. My parental family is very well off but I never sponge off any money from my brother just because I am his sister. If my brother and bhabhi give me gifts, I return it by giving cash and a lot gifts to my niece. It's all give and take, not take take and take.

 

Op when ever you have any money in hand buy gold coins right away. Start telling the family that you have your child on the way they have to divide the expenses. How lame for the sister in law to accept gifts even when poor brother doesn't have any cash in hand.

 

Sit down with him and discuss your concerns.. Its high time both of you plan about your future also..

 

@ op

Wow! Now that you've given an actual breakdown, I can understand how much these expenses are adding up. This is really wrong on their part and the fact that your sil and bil are both working professionals, I am pretty sure they are aware of how much these tickets are costing and I feel now they are deliberately taking advantage of your mute husband. I really feel sorry for you.

I too have experienced this to an extent, when my husband gets the responsibility for booking his extended family's tickets. I used to get angry before, but I have tried to ignore it now. Although these travel expenses are no way close to what you are bearing, I must say.

I think the only person who needs to put their foot down is your husband himself. Try not to pick fights with him as this will aggravate the situation. Maybe add the expenses that he has incurred in one whole year and just show him the figure. If this doesnt jolt him, nothing will.

 

This is so brazen on your in laws' part. MIL/FIL I can understand. Every son wants to help his parents. Specially, in their old age when they are on pension. Do not fight too hard on this, or you may alienate him. But, as for the rest, they should be buying their own tickets. If not, they should at least return the money back.

You should discuss it with your husband further. Say that with the baby coming, you should start curtailing expenses, and pay off your loans. Impress upon him the fact, that a baby entails a lot of expenditures. Your baby is deserves the best, and you want to leave nothing out in caring for it. Make him realize that he has a responsibility towards you and your baby, and spending such large sums is making you scared how you will manage your expenses, if heaven forbid, one of you or his ageing parents falls sick or some other unforeseen expectations crop up. Make him see where your concerns lie. He should not feel you are opposing his siblings' visits.

Draw up a list of things in your own lives that you can cut down upon for a couple of months. Along with this, also mention that you can also cut down on your BIL and his family's visits, as they are capable of arranging for it themselves. Convey your concern for your baby and your family's loan and other expenses to your husband. Do not blame him, or lose your temper.

Next time they ask your husband to book a ticket, ask DH to say that you are trying to pay your loans now that you will also have the additional expenses of raising a child. If they do not understand, then DH can start saying how long it has been since you went on vacation, and wish you could indulge yourselves by going somewhere. DH should ignore their requests by bringing up your need to go on vacation. Let them know you are having a genuine problem with your loans (exaggerate - even if you have to stretch the truth a bit). If they insist, DH can say the site crashed, your net connection is down, you are not at home or any thing else you wish to say.

Whenever you see them next time, mention casually that they forgot to pay you for the tickets you booked them last time. That can make them stop expecting your help in the future. And they might also pay up.

 

OP congrats on your pregnancy. This is the time you should be stress free and enjoy the period with joy. Don't think about these financial issues and stress yourself and create fight with your DH. It will spoil your health and relationship with your Dh as you said who is good husband other than this train ticket issue.

Don't keep big amounts in bank. They will always attract to break for petty issues. Make investments in gold, you can buy gold coins or paper gold. When you have limited amount of cash in hand, and that too disappear for maternity expense and household expense what your Dh will do for booking tickets. Your Dh sounds soft person and this is not the time to change him. Fist take care of your health.

Book your PILs tickets, it's not a fault even booking your SILs ticket if she is unmarked and not working. But don't encourage your Bil and his wife to continue this pattern. They are working and have responsibility to take care of the family like your Dh. Not having knowledge to book online ticket is an excuse. If he is genuine he should return back the amount for the ticket to you.

What is the meaning of joint family? Piling up the expenses on the elder brother head in the name of responsibility ?