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Still anyone follow this customs in your house?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anu1122, Sep 8, 2014.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    exactly my thoughts laks09. my fil, bil,mil or my husband never bother with these. these are the days when sil and mil share wonderful bonds, and i believe bringing in something that was suitable for those age old be in the kitchen, cook and serve attitude/or mode does not work anymore.

    respect is not about just age. respect is something you earn and can not be expected just because you are older..(but then we are again conditioned to respect the elder).

    REcently my dd had a tiff with her gf and she was really p*** off with him. she sent me these image on whatsapp stating i wish to send this to him, and i just kept quiet because it is the gd and gf tiff, they will get over it.

    images (3).jpg images (4).jpg

    this discussion reminded me the same.
     
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  2. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    True... unfortunately for some people.. their age and other factors might be the only justification they have for demanding any respect at all.

    And to Laks' point... I have my own peeves with Army officers. They might very well know to respect women (and they were probably high ranked officers), but being a product of Central School and growing up around defense personnel as a civilian, I used to be quite shocked at how bratty some of them used to be, especially with the low ranked officers assigned to them.

    One thing I really liked about KV was that a colonel's kid went to the same class as a jawan's. But it used to be quite common and ridiculous that the social difference was apparent even among the kids! Higher ranked officers' kids would not treat the Jawans' kids that well.

    I remember when a Major underwent some kind of surgery at the Army hospital and my mom and another Jawan were among those that donated blood. While the major's Mrs. was all grateful and thanking my mom, making sure she was given tea/biscuits/good conversation (in addition to what the hospital generally gives donors), the jawan was just made to stand in the corner, without so much as a word of thanks, as if it was part of the Jawan's duty to give blood to the major! My mom took the liberty to call the jawan and offer him the tea Mrs. gave her, until she begrudgingly gave some to him.

    This may be tangential to the topic, but I wanted to point out the weird notions we have back home about respect.... it is dictated by a host of factors other than what actually matters!
     
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  3. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

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    No, this trend is not followed in our home too... There might be some restrictions to DIL but I never heard about this like do not sit here or there..
    And its not only Indian tradition, it is the mentality of the people how they think about it. Some are too orthodox that they still want to follow it even though it is not right.
    Men and Women should be treated equally. Why all traditions only women have to follow.. :bonk
     
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  4. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    This is not a practice at our home.. But ladies in the house ( not elderly ones ) do get up when some male comes home ( just when that person enters the house). I had been following the same at my mothers place before marriage and still continue to do so at my in-laws place too just as a token of respect.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2014
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Weird tradition. Never heard of

    However, we have a tradition to let the visitors, elders, and special need people (like mom with infants, pregnant, sickness etc..etc..) to prioritize when there is not enough seats at home.

    It is just common sense, and we all know that.

    Last time when my sister's husband visited us, we all were occupying the available space in our couch already. So, as a matter of respect, I had to stand up and give my space for my BIL for a moment until someone else brought an extra chair from the room.

    I would have done the same for my sister, MIL, or anyone... No gender issues
     
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  6. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    Honestly, I do not see this as disregard (sitting in different table while eat out). If my ILs go and sit in separate table and rest of us sit in one is I would say a good decision by them. I may not feel comfortable eating in front of my FIL or any relative with whom I am not comfortable (like my MILs co-sis or MILs MIL etc) . If it is the case I am sitting alone and rest of the family is sitting in one then I might not feel good. But in our case, my FIL and MIL (or some time DH and BIL (sil's husband) sit in one and me, my SILs (and MIL if BIL is accompanying FIL) sit in one. Same is my family - Me and my SILs (bhabhi's) sit in one and my dad, brother's and mom sit in one as my SILs do not feel comfortable eating in front of my dad,

    Please do not raise question why we do not feel comfortable as this is the way we brought-up or I am. For me it is similar to I ill never feel comfortable wearing western in front of my PILs and dad.
     
  7. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I think most of these customs were made up instantly by some one in the past....

    There are so many customs which make a lot of sense and actually train you into a better person.

    Some of them are just when you say, I am craving an ice cream...and some one says "You must not crave ice cream on this particular day of this particular century".
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2014
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  8. AnithaAnand18

    AnithaAnand18 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Anu,

    This is all male domination.As Wiswa says If son in law is treated with lots of respect why it does not for daughter in law,It is ridiculous custom
     
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  9. anu1122

    anu1122 New IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone.


    My BIL is 12-13 years elder to me so when he entered the house I stood up and sat on the same chair I was sitting. (approximately 8 -10 feet away).He just came from office to pick his wife. After few minutes my FIL went inside the kitchen and I called me and then he asked me to go and sit somewhere(room/ kitchen).


    I feel my BIL also enjoys the royal treatment but i really don't know what he is thinking because i never got a chance to talk with him other than hi,hello etc.Only one time we went to SIL's place alone (me and my DH) and before we go FIL gave hrs of lecture/ instructions to my husband.Recently my SIL gave birth and my MIL take care of the baby but when BIL comes home she leaves SIL's place immediately.
     
  10. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Disrespecting someone not as fortunate as one or of lower social strata is prevalent all over India. No point in blaming the members of Armed forces and their family.

    Again instead of worshipping caste or gender or money or age if people learned to respect the content of character, perhaps things will change for better.

     

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