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staying with inlaws is anyone happy???

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by akruti9, Jan 22, 2010.

  1. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    HI all,

    Seeing so many posts as how inlaws are making our lives hell. Are there anyone who is staying with inlaws and happy?? I am now in US but after 2 yrs my DH is planning to go back and stay with them. I just don't understand.... My inlaws are the most irritating ones you all might have got it from my previous threads. How can I stay with them underone roof?
    Will their attitude change if I stay with them underone roof?? Are there any advantages of staying with them?? Does crappy inlaws ever change with time?? How can we convinmce our DH that staying in a nuclear family is good for our marital peace??? Any suggestions dear.....If I go back to India, Since my parents are in different state so I won't ahev any difference as staying in other country there also my crappy inalws will cretae problem to go to my parents state. Then why the hell should I go back??? Any suggestions??
     
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  2. swapnam

    swapnam Senior IL'ite

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    The far you are from inlaws the better the relationship
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Surprisingly, I always had this thought since the time my parents started looking for an alliance...that I want to live with my inlaws..I wanted to take care of them during their old age and give them the best of all, same as what I gave my parents all the time when I was with my parents, I wanted to treat my inlaws and parents equally might be more than my parents...as for my parents I have my brothers who will take care of them, so for my inlaws their sons and their wives have to take care of them (that was the understanding I had before marriage)

    I was also prepared that even if my inlaws are upset for something I should keep quiet and not say anything etc..etc.

    On the contrary to my dreams/plans,though my stay at inlaws was pretty short but I felt as if I am the most not wanted person, in THEIR family, and any disagreements are dealt in the worst abusive way rather than calmly handling them, the kind of mental games they play with their own SON I was totally surprised...this truth did open my eyes...I started questioning myself...would I be able to treat them with great respect and love, when they failed to give it to me??

    I still feel pretty bad that i am not in their good books for what so ever reasons of theirs...however I guess I started accepting the fact that what we hear/plan and what we see is always opposite (might be they also feel the same way about me!!)
     
  4. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    Even I am a firm believer of nuclear family and love stays if you stay away funda. Its better to stay away and respect each other rather than stay together and quarrel all the time.

    I have wonderful in laws but still the way I live my life is completely opposite to the way they live. I have one life and am not willing to change it because I love living it this way. So for me its better that I stay away and be happy and also continue to love them.

    Its very important to tell your husband about your views. My husbands undertsand that if I want to live separate doesn't mean I am a cunning, selfish person. It only means that I am an independent person who just like to stay alone.
     
  5. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i always wanted to be a a part of joint family as ours is a small family eventhough my grandma was with us
    but before marriage my inlaws showed uo to be good people but started showig their true colors from engagement day
    atleast my mil was making my life hell she is good before my dh but i know the truth and my dh never belives what his mom can be upto
    even though now i like joint family when i see such politics i hate to stay anymore but i will be there for them anytime they need
     
  6. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

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    I am not happy when I stay with my MIL because of her instructions. she wants me to follow what she says.... Basically I dont like her anymore so I dont want to stay with her. I sometimes adjust want to stay with her but she will show her true colours
     
  7. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    The little time I spent with in-laws, I was only suffocating. They had too many rules and protocols laid out for me. I had to mingle with all their relatives while DH shouldn't talk or visit my parents or relatives. They were constantly comparing me with other girls in their family. So the end result was, I became an irritable, bitter and negative person whom I didn't like myself.

    SO the distant we are, the better it is. I only know one friend of mine who is very happy with her in-laws. But the reason is her mom and her dh's dad are own brother and sister and they all grew up together.
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Wowww...what a coincidence.....same experience here:cheers
     
  9. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    It's really a coincidence that everyone is in the same boat. before marraige I also used to think as we are living with parents we will be living with PILs what difference will it make? But because of the differences they cretae, because of their treating we turned out bad and they blame us that we are not mingling with them. They put all the blame on Us??? Who agev them right to abuse our parents? If they would have said anything to me I would have tolerated but they use such dirty and filthy language against my parents and I should accept all that bull ****??? Inspite of my PILs being so rude. I try to forget everything and mjke a new start with them but they themselves make such a situation that fills so much negativity in Us. I sometimes feel they don't derserve it at all....
    Even though we come with good positive mind and good attitude because of the circumstances we become like this and I feel there is no fault with us............
     
  10. maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

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    If you dont get along from afar then it will only make matters worse going close.

    I seem to one of those rare breeds who is living with in laws (for past 10yrs). Though it would be nicer to live separate, I have learned to be happy living with them, so it can be done. I started reading this site to help me deal with little issues with them as I seem to not know a single soul who live with their in laws who can give me advice. I am always craving to meet other couples of my age living with in laws. Thank you IL for all those thoughtful advices.

    I think two things that make it possible for me to live with my IL's... a dh who puts me first, and il's who genuinely care about me as a human being (not just dil). otherwise no matter how much I comprimise it cannot be done.
    Dee
     

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