Spiritual dillemma! What should i do?

deepshikha · Oct 19, 2007

Hi girls , i have a peculiar problem that is threatning my 9 month old marriage. We had an arranged marriage and we are both hindus from the same community. But my Husband follows a spiritual path of the tradition of sant mat.
The problem is that his faith disapproves of idol worship and the regular hindu rituals. Before we got married i did not have a clear idea about his faith. Now i find it very hard to adjust with him.
The Sant mat tradition people often try to pose that they are unique and blessed because they are initiated by a True Master. I found this attitude too exclusive in my husband and his satsangi friends.
My husband often make remarks which make me feel wretched. Although he is a nice person but his involvement with this spiritual group makes me feel like an outsider in his life.
I don't feel comfortable around his friends because they talk only of their Master and their philosophies which are sometimes even anti-hindu.
My husband perhaps expects me to accept his Guru as the only true living Guru because i am married to him. But i am not comfortable with this, one because i have my own faith in Hindu religion and do not wish to give up my rituals even if they do not mean anything. two because even after reading a lot about this santmat tradition i am not convinced, especially becuase it sounds exclusivist at times. i would have preffered a more secular group like Gayatri Pariwar instead.
My husband is an intelligent guy and i usually am at loss of words when i have to explain to him how i feel about it. I even felt hurt several times when he made some remarks about me being an athiest (does being an educated Indian girl with a mind of my own and not accepting anything that does not agree with me make me an athiest??) :?
I feel hurt because i have lot of faith in God and am not really an athiest instead i feel best when i visit a temple or a worship place.
I would have liked to continue respecting my husband's faith but he makes cutting and sarcastic remarks which hurt me. I even feel that the path he is following is fundamentalist because of the exclusive manner it claims to give enlightenment to the initiated.
All this makes me deppressed and i often get into arguements with my husband. Is there some way to resolve this confllict? :bang Thanks for reading.

jaya36 · Oct 19, 2007

Hi,
This is what I believe. Never undermine anyones faith in religion. Try to respect it since you both have to live together as husband & wife & also have children in future. Why dont you make a good meal for him one evening & once you are done eating .........relax have a nice amicable & nice atmosphere .........talk about everything under sun except religion. Once he warms up maybe subtly tell him I love being with you BUT there is one thing that really really hurts me BIG TIME..........& tell him you dont like to be ridiculed about your belief in god & faith. Tell him You shall respect him, his involvement in satsang etc & he needs to do the same with you.

Hope that will make him realize & slowly & surely do drop hints to him without arguing lets not fight becoz of our beliefs............IT will take time BUT I am sure he will realize & u also need to respect him in what he believes.

Good Luck dear

malarvp · Oct 20, 2007

hi,

from your post I understand that you lose words when you want to explain yourself. If you lose words, you might end up telling words that should not have been told. Instead why don't you write your husband about how you feel when he criticises you of your faith. Also as Jaya says tell him that you respect his feelings and his beliefs and you expect the same from him. Tell him the more he criticise your faith and want you to belief Santmat, the more you hate to belief it. If you have the power to express your feelings by words well and good, but most women start crying while wanting express themselves and this might be a bad sign. so try writing him.

all the best to you.

Malar

mathan800 · Jun 26, 2009

First of all, a master means who loves every one and never argue... if he is a real master then he will not argue with you. he will love every one. he should love you more since you are the one who is helping the master. that means what ever good he is doing at least 25% of that will directly comes to you.

A spiritual person can read your aura and understand what you are and why you are with him. let me tell you some thing ...even a doctor cannot tell a persons defect or illness but a spiritual can understand every thing. so understand that he is not matured enough to handle you. as simple as that. but if you are cleaver then you can handle him.

with out any expectation just fully love him. do all the things according to his wish. imaging that he is an L.k.G kid and asking help from mom like that. then you can help him. one day or the other day he will understand your true nature and follow your fingers.

" A person who is pointing others is a child and a person who is pointing himself is a real self"
Good luck.....

thanks,
Mathan Brabhu