Sorry ! I had to post here , please understand ladies. Thanks for the suggestions !

Re: Sorry ! I had to post here , please understand ladies. Thanks for the suggestions

Dear don't judge wheat her he loves ur or not,now it's time to investigate try find out what is he doing,never let him have a clue of ur doing this check his credit cards statements and all , ask his friends about his past if we really know core of problem then we can point for solution

 

Re: Sorry ! I had to post here , please understand ladies. Thanks for the suggestions

Dear OP

Your husband has a debt without your knowledge. It keeps on coming back even after settling the first known debt. You have no clue as to how much debt is still there. He refuses to give you any insight of this.

He drinks, comes late to home and argues with you using cheap language. He is not supportive with the kid.

He expects you to work and support to clear the debt.

His last request is right. To which, you have the right to know what was his debt about? When did he take the debt? where? any interest? if so how much? When will be the due date of his debt? and what did he do with that debt?

Don't fight, but clearly ask him the above questions when he is in a good mood.

If he refuses to answer, then you need to start investigating the real facts behind it.

Check out his mobile, bank details, his files, laptop or other devises. Know his friends, family members. try to gather as much info about his activities.

You may tell his well-wishers about this debt, and also request them to support your investigation. Do them calmly without revealing your intention before him.

Immediately ask your family to stop lending him any money without your approval. Ask your dad to keep an eye whether any extended family members are asked for a support by your husband.

Alternatively, try to find a job and a support system (day care, nanny) for your kid when the time comes for you to leave the house for work.

Make your family informed of this situation, so that they won't be surprised of any sudden decisions.

These are some of the emergency preparedness mechanisms in case of any thing worst happens unexpectedly with your investigations. But most probably your H looks like a care free spendthrift.
Once he cleared the loan, ensure he saves or spends based on what he gets. Always be vigilant about his finances.

 

Re: Sorry ! I had to post here , please understand ladies. Thanks for the suggestions

I am finding the entire scenario a bit weird.He comes home late,does he tell you where and with what he was caught up??This is a normal conversation that happens,in every household when one of the spouses is unusually late.

Borrowing money from your family without your consent is a strict no.He cannot just go around asking your extended family for money or a loan,as your family prestige is involved here ,he shouldnt do this nor be allowed to.

He wants you to find a job to help him clear his debts.Accepted.Tell him you will do so but only when he tells you how he has accumulated so much of debt.

Does he have any plan of returning the money to your father??

He might be in a serious problem (drugs,alcoholism,another women).Hoping this isnt the case,but better find out the real thing.

 

Re: Sorry ! I had to post here , please understand ladies. Thanks for the suggestions

I think you are making this small incident a big issue. You like him and you trust him. You know what he is. Then why are you doubting him? If wife(and a lover) doesn't understand his frustration , then who will?
I think he is worried that you will blow out things..hence he must have hidden it from you for all good reasons. From your post, it looks like he is a good hearted person, approached FIL for loan(not gift), suggested you to work to clear debts.
If you are very angry, then try to look for work first, help him clear debts and save him from choosing wrong path(such incidents leads to EMA, depression, divorce,etc).

 

Re: Sorry ! I had to post here , please understand ladies. Thanks for the suggestions

Op...this man is willing to go to any lengths to hide his deeds.....
He is willing to destroy the peace of his family...
Threatens to take away your child...threatens to keep your passport......threatens to make your life miserable .....verbally abuses you.
He expects you to (with a small child) to work to pay of of his debts .......


All this ,while he refuses to talk about what he did.

I would say you should seriously worry about yourself and your child.....

This is no longer a couple's problem.call parents of both sides and tell them about his threats.Inform him about the call.Inform everyone that you will be willing to get in touch with legal authorities if required.