Son Pressing All My Buttons

Why are you letting him access your phones? Go cold turkey on the electronics. There will be wailing and tantrums and then he will get over it. This is a normal age for them to push boundaries. Pick some of your battles but make others non-negotiable like safety and hygiene.
Do you have access to any parenting classes in your area?

 

Agree with MalStorm. Certain things we need to be very strict and should not be up for debate. Till they are under your roof, you lay down the law.

 

I empathize with you. Parenting does not come with a user manual, so be patient with yourself as you embark on this journey.

It's evident that you are overwhelmed and in no point to handle this. It's obvious that you need help and that help might be limited in this forum. I encourage finding the right professional. I think this is not your first post on this topic and though I haven't searched, the lack of responses for you post makes me thinks so.

Your child is screaming for help. Please don't strike your child. You are creating lot of negativity in your child by doing so and this will stay with the child for a really long time.

Children are people pleasers. They don't assert themselves until much later in life and particularly not against their caregivers, at this age.

Have you ever thought why your child is being adamant. If you think he is asserting himself at 3 and half years, you could not be more wrong.

Just like we don't give a cigarette now and then for someone we don't want to smoke, you should totally stop giving pizza and screen time. Smokers who are told not to smoke should not see their siblings and parents catch a smoke now and then either. Until the dust settles I would avoid screen time other than necessities for the entire family in front of the kid and no junk food.

Try to understand why your child said no. Keep asking for reasons and be soft yet stern. If you scream at him, be loud at him, strike him, the he might think this is how humans should behave and repeat the behavior when he is cornered and stressed.

Take a step back and take a look at this situation holistically. It's worth putting everything else on hold for your child until you figure things out.

I pray for you, your child and your family. This too shall pass.

 

Dear OP I empathize with your plight. i agree in toto with views and suggestions by other members here. i would also suggest to study the book
I'm OK-You're OK which is enormously a thought-provoking and hope-inspiring book based on transactional analysis.
It is insightful;can improve life and relationships.
Regards.
God Bless.

 

I understand your situation. Its a difficult stage. My son used to say NO, thats one of the first few words they learn. Dont take it seriously. They test our patience. Till they turn 4y, they still have communication issues. So just say'yes', in funny way, ask in a loving way, why 'no'. Mostly they say, its because..., but nothing more as they dont the answer most of the time.

You should remain calm and introspect your behavior too. Are you getting angry or frustrated etc.. I felt many times that they are like mirrors, they can reflect our own behavior. Dont slap or yell, or fight with him, you get it back in other ways.
So be calm, but firm.

Kids are like pets, they can sense our mood .

Set rules, create schedule and stay with it. Be strict.
What is his favourite thing? Take it away. For example, he push you, face him, tell him its unacceptable and ask him to stop. Tell him if he repeats he has to face consequences ( time out, and his tv time or favourite toy gone for that day).

Dont give your mobile even if he cry for full night. Stop that as ita very addictive. You can give him tv time or can huy a tablet and give it for half an hour. Only if he is a good boy. Enforce good behavior and punish bad behavior. You have to show him you are his parent, not the other way.

If he cry for no reason give him time out. Lift him to a place, for example counter top or table from where he cant escape and let him cry. Watch him and in between remind what he did wrong. Ask him to say sorry or calm down. If he is good , give a hug and tell him you love him so much but cant accept this bad behavior. So he should understand that your problem is with his tantrums and not him.

Also, ask yourself if its a cry for attention. Because of busy life we we do our duties but forget to spend quality time with kids. Devote atleast half an hour to be with him, watch caroon together or play. Hug and kiss a lot. Every day should end in a happy note. Kiss and be with him while taking him bed, sing lullaby or hug or touch well. Say good things and let him sleep peacefully.

I can assure you, this stage will also pass. But you have to have lot of patience and energy to handle this situation. You have to let him know that you will reward him for good things, but his tantrums wont work with you.

You need to takecare of yourself too. If possible find ' me time' to relax and charge yourself every day. Takecare.