Some forwarded jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Nivedi, Sep 14, 2007.

  1. Nivedi

    Nivedi New IL'ite

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    Here is a list of jokes that were forwarded to me. Hope you have a laugh or two!
    1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

    2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
    Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD, After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

    3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
    1. Tele-Phone
    2. Tele-Vision
    3. Tell -a- Woman
    Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

    4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

    5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
    Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
    Moral : BE SPECIFIC

    6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
    It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.

    7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
    They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
    Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
    Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

    8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
    If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

    9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
    Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

    10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.<SCRIPT><!--D(["mb","\u003cbr\>\n\u003cbr\>\n11.* Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women because as per\nConstitution,* you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake. \u003cbr\>\n\u003cbr\>\n12.* &quot;A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is\nbuilt for&quot; - * Albert Einstein\u003c/span\>\u003c/b\>\u003cb\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:11pt\"\>\u003c/span\>\u003c/b\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\u003c/p\>\n \u003c/div\> \n\n \n \u003cspan width\u003d\"1\" style\u003d\"color:white\"\>__._,_.___\u003c/span\>\n \n \u003cdiv\>\n \u003cspan\>\n \u003ca href\u003d\";_ylc\u003dX3oDMTM1NmlsNGNyBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEwMDc1NDkzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTAxMzU1NgRtc2dJZAM2MTA3BHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3Z0cGMEc3RpbWUDMTE4OTY1MTIwNgR0cGNJZAM2MTA3\" target\u003d\"_blank\" onclick\u003d\"return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)\"\>\n Messages in this topic \u003c/a\> (\u003cspan\>1\u003c/span\>)\n \u003c/span\>\n \u003ca href\u003d\";_ylc\u003dX3oDMTJxNDVidmRtBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEwMDc1NDkzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTAxMzU1NgRtc2dJZAM2MTA3BHNlYwNmdHIEc2xrA3JwbHkEc3RpbWUDMTE4OTY1MTIwNg--?act\u003dreply&messageNum\u003d6107\" target\u003d\"_blank\" onclick\u003d\"return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)\"\>\n \u003cspan\>\n Reply \u003c/span\> (via web post)\n \u003c/a\> | \n \u003ca href\u003d\";_ylc\u003dX3oDMTJmMDFwbmQ0BF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEwMDc1NDkzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTAxMzU1NgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNudHBjBHN0aW1lAzExODk2NTEyMDY-\" target\u003d\"_blank\" onclick\u003d\"return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)\"\>\n Start a new topic \u003c/a\>\n \u003c/div\> \n \n \n \u003cdiv\>\n \u003ca href\u003d\";_ylc\u003dX3oDMTJmbW03YjFpBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEwMDc1NDkzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTAxMzU1NgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNtc2dzBHN0aW1lAzExODk2NTEyMDY-\" target\u003d\"_blank\" onclick\u003d\"return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)\"\>Messages\u003c/a\> \n | \u003ca href\u003d\";_ylc\u003dX3oDMTJnNzViaWNlBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzEwMDc1NDkzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTAxMzU1NgRzZWMDZnRyBHNsawNmaWxlcwRzdGltZQMxMTg5NjUxMjA2\" target\u003d\"_blank\" onclick\u003d\"return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)\"\>",1]);//--></SCRIPT>

    11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women because as per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

    12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi nivedi,,

    Good ones......:2thumbsup:

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