Sleeping Apart Since Having A Baby

I suggested that she should ask someone for help... intimacy should not be a reason again for a fight. If H is disturbed because of the baby getting up frequently, he may start getting sleep deprived and it will show up. She mentioned he is not approaching her "as much", so he is approaching her... After kids are born, intimacy decreases, it won't be as frequent as in the beginning, that is normal. Why go to extra lengths to rectify something that does not need rectification? At most, OP can get a crib and let the baby sleep in the crib in the same room for convenience. Her issue is that he snores. OP need not be insecure on that count. If all of them can co-sleep - her husband agreeing to it, then it is fine, but if it leads to fights it is not good for anyone.

 

just forget about him.take care of ur health and kid

 

OP,
In my opinion, listen to your instincts. Don't take it for granted. Your baby is 16 months old . I hope you have recovered from your delivery and gained your health back. If not, work on it. If you are staying home with baby try to sleep during day time that will help you with tiredness during night time. So when your dh reach home be ready to spent some happy time with time. You know how to do it. I am sure.

Both of you are responsible for parenting your kid. Why you should take every responsibility by yourself. If you think, shifting to your master bed room with husband solve the issue, DO IT. Let your dh also see how you are adjusting and scarifying. Let him be part of the journey. You can go early to sleep with baby, and once she starts sleeping, try to join bed with husband. Communicate well with husband. So many options are there. You can buy a king size bed, or add a new bed or crib to your master bed room. If baby wake up , it is ok. Let your dh also see. I am sure your kid will adjust with this change, have patience . Or try to spent some time every day with dh . This intimacy is important to get back your ***life on track. If this is not an option, try other way for intimacy.

I dont want you to panic. But if you check IL forum you will find many cases where their dh wandered or tried various options, when their wife neglected them or became busy with baby. Your husband is not doing that. So my suggestion will be, not to neglect intimacy part/sex life. Motherhood bring lot of changes in our body and mind, there will be temporary changes in our life.. It is part of life. Take it that way.

May be your dh is empathetic to your situation and dont want to disturb your sleep. Make him aware that you want intimacy through your action. When he see your enthusiasm, he will also come back to you and you guys will be back on track. Give love and take love. Be generous...If you feel like doing it..bring that passion back if you can.. do whatever that makes you happy.

Most important, you should be your first priority. You can make others happy only when you are happy. Take care your health, sleep, etc..

 

I understand what you are saying. That warmth is required by us too regardless of the intimacy part. We feel good to be still wanted.

I was very clear about this from day 1 when we had our child n this is what we did..

When our child was an infant n needed my warmth, we pushed the bed to one corner, so it's blocked by a wall. I cushioned all three sides, then will lie down next to him. N my hubby next to me on the other side.

My dh moves a lot in his sleep wouldn't know if he puts his hand or leg on the child, so I had to keep him on the other side.

Then once our child was a lil older, I think between 1 or 2 years old, I moved him to the infant / baby bed. So this bed will be right next to me. I can just sit up n feed or change him in the night without getting off my bed. My kid threw a fit because though he was right next to me, he still wanted to be on our bed. But I didn't give up n finally he loved his bed so much, that he will climb on our bed n climb to his n say good night with a smile n lie down on his bed.

My dh snores, so I got my child accustomed to sound everywhere from baby, like even play music, tv, when he used to sleep during the day, so the night snore or any sound doesn't bother our child at all.

If any works for you, you can try it out.

We are at an era where gender equality is a big thing. So don't wait for the man to initiate. You take the initiative and make the change.

Maybe your dh is way too understanding and has just gotten used to the current set up. Yes, there are men like that too. And He may not be thinking in the angle that you are. He maybe tired, or think you are tired, or feel the child may not sleep or he or you may not get sleep if you change the rooms, there are many angles to this that he may think on. So you go ahead n make whatever you want, to happen. It's still not too late, just start right away.

 

I do not want to argue with anyone, but I don't think this has something to do with gender equality here. The complaint in most IL posts is that the woman does not get to sleep much, is stressed with looking after baby and also required to get back to bed very quickly. OP seems to be worried and insecure for some reason best known to her. I would say to any woman in her position to calm down, take it easy and not to rush. Husbands don't stray only because they were denied intimacy or they are not satisfied, that is obviously not the case here. There are other reasons that add to straying - lack of respect, misunderstandings, non communication, not getting along or just plain lack of character, could be any reason. OP should not overthink and worry herself - that's my point. She can definitely want to move back to the single bed arrangement but not at the cost of stressing herself and everyone involved. She should think calmly what is best for her and family. Let her try it, if the arrangement does not work, she should do what works for her. It is not necessary that she has to sleep next to H to have intimacy. She could buy a crib, put the baby in the crib and then take baby back whenever she is comfortable. There are ways to work it out without getting worked up is what I want to say.

 

Is moving back to your master bedroom a possibility? If so, please make your kid sleep seperately in a crib or a baby bed. Its ok if your husband gets disturbed by your kid or vice versa for a few days. They will get used to it. Regarding the intimacy issue, you could initiate it too. Once you move back to your room.

 

I think 100% of the respondents here (which I say based on responses) thought intimacy is the issue here.. if that's not the issue, then I am really confused about your question now

 

Missing you for what? Dear, men don't miss cuddles, hugs etc, they only like straight business, so if that's done, there is no "missing for them". They are not even available to hug after it's over, because they are snoring right away!