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Sister In Law Deliberately Excludes Me...?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Patientone, Sep 20, 2020.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    Like when putting up statuses and things. She’ll put photos up of everyone, her, her husband, her brother, his wife, their son, my husband (her other brother) and our daughter. She does it to get a reaction out of me. I try to ignore it but I feel hurt. I know she does it on purpose. I’m not sure if my husband realises but I’ve learnt sometimes he does and he won’t talk to her as much. Then she does something sweet to get his attention. But I always think why me? Why is she so petty and attention seeking? I’ll just carry on ignoring her. What would you do? Shall I not look at her statuses anymore? I want her to feel ashamed being a grown woman and behaving like that.

    We live in different countries btw and I talk to her less because she tried to cause problems between me and my husband. When I told her off, she’d immediately contact my husband. When I ignored it and husband saw her behaviour (when I used to live with her), he would yell at her for other things. But time has passed and she still hasn’t changed. Still petty, jealous and seeking attention. If we show her anything in her house, she’ll want the same and will ask her kids to ask for it. Any advice is welcome. I’m just thinking ignore ignore ignore her.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Continue to ignore.
     
  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Han my SIL has done exact same things. For my husband's birthday she put up a status message on whatsapp- which had 10- 12 images from a trip which we all had gone to except one BIL .She put everyone's piks from the trip except me, and for that one missing BIL who did not attend the trip she put extra photo of his with my husband. All except me.

    On her function, she put created family video with photos , with photos of whole extended relatives also, but not a single photo of me.

    There is no end to the pettiness. My husband asked her lightly my pic is missing. But it is my fault also, I used to forget everything and be very nice to her. That is the thing for which I hate myself now. Because I always wished only good for her with all my heart- I wanted her and her kids to succeed in life, and she always wanted me to fail.I wanted everyone in my husband's family to be happy and successful, and to have all good things in life. That is what is most frustrating to me - why Im like this. Maybe because I was bullied alot in joint family in childhood, so I have habit of forgiving people easily and being satisfied with little. Just trying to change

    She has always insulted my parents and put lot of pressure- for dowry, properties. for gold. Even though my husband is against dowry. Those are quite serious, but here I am just mentioning the petty things she does.

    Later, out of frustration they started mentally torturing my husband because he is not willing to take dowry - it was only then I started maintaining distance from her. Just due to covid I started being concerned for them again, but now Im avoiding.

    She is actually a big fool. She hates brother and parents who sold their house to conduct her marriage into rich family, still after that always she harasses brother to keep giving costly gifts to her throughout life by bro taking loans- and she still hates him. But she teams with her sister who actually flirts with her husband behind her back. Her younger sister does not have good relationship with her own husband. Once I caught my elder SIL's husband tickling the younger SIL's back( she was wearing deep back blouse), and they quickly adjusted on seeing me, another time the Saali put her hand on jijaji's thigh , another time also caressing her bare back while she complains about her husband and money (Her husband is the BIL who did not join the trip). I did not tell these things to anyone because I dont want to doubt someone unnecessarily or create problem in a woman's life. But I used to leave that place immediately to convey Im not ok. Even my husband has noticed the awkward things between his younger sister and elder sister's husband so he also doesnt like.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2020
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Mute her status!!
    In that way you can completely ignore her..
     
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  5. mohini16

    mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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    On next occasion, If I were you, I would put my status ignoring her or cropping her from pictures and then post it, she will get the message.
    Ignoring is taken as weakness other person opportunity feel that whatever they are doing is fine and they start walking all over us.
    So I would look for next opportunity to give her taste of her own medicine.
     
  6. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    i have been ignoring my SIL for more than a decade though my H is not for it. sorry to say but i had no option. Without any reason she insulted me many times. i did not know why.. even today i couldnt find a reason. she was very rude to me. I had a decision to throw her off from my mind and still living without any regrets. So keep going with all your happiness first...do you believe more than a decade? yes it is a fact. i did not hurt her back.. but you know silence is more powerful...
     
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  7. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    If you are talking about whatsapp statuses, then pls be aware that people can see who all saw one's status. So I would first ask you to stop looking into her status from your phone. When you see her status, and she leaving your pics must be giving her the victory feeling. Don't give her even that. Just stop seeing and this will actually give you a lot of Peace!
     
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  8. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

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    Just to give you guys an update, I ignored her but my husband saw her status, and he stuck up for me by creating a video of me and everyone, and ignored his sister and her husband. She then understood and give it a thumbs up in the group. She had to humble herself by using that video of me and putting it on her status. Just shows ignoring her was the key. Luckily husband has my back. Also her husband took it bad and decided to not include me and my husband on his status. So she caused friction between her husband and her brother.

    but the next day she sent a lovey Dovey video about love for her brother my Dear brother video to my husband who just sent a smiley face. She then was like what bro? It’s true...like she was trying to sweeten him up. But he didn’t give her too much notice. Next day they were talking and she was again being sweet but he did a bit of small talk and said I’ve just finished breakfast I’m going to watch some TV now. Even though she’s rude to me I felt sorry for her. But he behaves that way because of how she behaves. Just goes to show be nice and ignore. Be genuinely nice/polite ( but don’t get trampled on) and your husband will have ur back.

    if I start cropping her out and ignoring her she straight away goes to my mother in law/ father in law and tells her everything who in turn tells my husband so our relationship gets damaged (mother in law plays her own games by blocking me). I’ve learnt the hard way the less attention you give them the less the drama and the more peace you have with your husband.

    she’s not going to be able to run to her parents all the time with she did this and that (even when I don’t do anything). She should understand that she needs to be nice and stop with the games otherwise she’ll have a very lonely future when her parents aren’t there.
     
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  9. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Silver IL'ite

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    Lucky you. Enjoy your current status quo.

    Not all are lucky enough for their husband’s to do such things and support their wife. Many are too attached if not are scared to support wife in their family circle. Some do but many don’t.

    In such cases the wife should be able to make her silence and disapproval noticed. Either block them and totally ignore them by exiting the group. This is for giving self respect to herself. If the husband doesn’t intervene the girl has to stand up against such sister in law behaviour. No one is going to back up the girl if her husband doesn’t stand up against his family members arrogant behaviours. Don’t give up self dignity for such family relationships.
     

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