SIL's vacation for me it's a night mare

kma · May 18, 2010

Blessed,

I have seen this situation both as a daughter and a DIL. Granted my SIL never visited us much, but she likes to be pampered or atleast wants to unwind when she visits her brother's houses since my FIL is nomore . And since she is helpful and friendly enough(even though these political undercurrents always go on) myself and cosis never minded it so much. We try to give her the assurance that she is always welcome. Even then my MIL has lots of complaints.

In my parents house,we have one bro who is staying independently in a different place. But whenever we visit my parents house if my SIL is there, she would want us be like guests and wants to show it is her house. She helps my mother but we(us sisters) also pitch in. Even though she is friendly, she wants us to be like outsiders there. I can understand her feelings if she is staying there, but she doesnt. It baffles me a lot because I start wondering if I am intruding in their lives.

In your case you stay with your inlaws. So your situation is different. It is as much your inlaws place as it is yours. So take the middle route. Accept that they can come and go to their parents place whenever they want but dont sweat yourself trying to please them because you are not their maid. If your SIL is not decent enough to appreciate your efforts, then dont do so much for them. Do things according to your convenience and energy, and not according to your MIL's wishes. If it were possible, she would want to keep you as an unpaid maid only. Vacations are times when all of us should enjoy together and not at the expense of one person toiling. Let them look out for their own entertainment. If I were you I would start to dissociate myself slowly from some of the heavy work and only do things which I can. If they dont like it, fine, let them also help.

blessed · May 19, 2010

Thanks a lot ladies,

Yes, as Monita said daughters come to relax in their parental home and we DIL try to over react then we are considered as "monsters" where we make the poor daughters toil even when they are on vacation.

I tried many times to convince my DH that I want to spend some days in my parents place so they can have their own space and enjoy more privacy, but my DH will never agree to this, he says I am showing my disrespect to his sisters who are visiting them only once in a year, and goes to the extent of telling that I am behaving so rudely to his dear sisters who come from that far to spend a few days in their parents house.
And even in spite of this I go on my way then I had it, he wont speak to me for days and I have to all the drama of apologising etc to bring him back to normal. So I just bite my teeth and bear with them those 20 days.

Ofcourse I dont bend completely to their whims and fancies, I decide most of menu's whichever is easier for me, but in between my MIL & DH will bring her daughters fav. dishes which I will be forced to prepare.

Some one out there pointed "Will blessed get the same treatment when she visits them" in all these years we visited them only twice and every meal was at some restuarants for which even there my DH was acting like a host.

And ofcourse I dont care of what they gossib nor I care to sit with them,
just finish my work and go of to do my own personal work.

kma · May 19, 2010

Hi Blessed,

If your MIL misses her darlings so much why dont you send her to their place for some time? And next vacation instead of they coming and visiting you, for a change you visit them for 10 days and maybe then they get taste of their own medicine.

rosegirl · May 19, 2010

ShilpaMa said: ↑

I tell them NO, am not in the mood to do this or that..
Eg: Once all had come over to my place, they returned from a day temple visit at 6 pm and me from office, I cooked dinner for all.. no one moved, then I was filling bottles when they sent SIL's DH for a request of X # of tea, coffee and milk... I told him Sorry its not on the menu :rotflkitchen closed, he went back and MIL came rushing... How could you .. blah blah... still I walked out of the kitchen..... some people are too tired to move a hand after a nice tour but not tired to eat and drink endlessly on someone else's expense. She made and served with a long face but her daughter dint move an inch... niether did I.
Click to expand...

This is exactly the treatment that should be given.
If they are healthy and want to laze around, then I think its your turn to do the same. The more you accept crap, the more you will get crap. Careful.

Just point blank say " I am tired I cannot cook". About gossiping, you cant change all that, its in their genes. Dont go near them when they are gossiping. Pick you battles.

kittydoll · Nov 12, 2010

HTML:
thn I stopped going to the room they usd to sit even to offer coffee or tea in the evening...
Haniya, that was an awesome move....lol they deserve it...haha