SIL moving to US- Husband getting ready to pamper younger sis:(

She is your sil and your hubby's baby sister. So he will choose to ignore how she behaves with you. You need to become smart. If you can afford to take her out once in a while do it. He is the elder one in the relation and he will pay. After a couple of outings start inviting your sister and her family and let your hubby foot the bill.

 

Put your foot down pl..don't go overboard..they won't appreciate yr generosity.

 

This is going to be a long reply.

From what I've seen, guys usually don't get involved in the MIL-DIL-SIL politics. And they usually don't let it affect their relationship with their sisters or mother. What you have described are small issues that happen in 99% of Indian households (SILs ganging up with MILs to criticize DIL).

If you're well off and can afford it, why not let him spend on his sister? Does he spend on her and not on you? If you want to do the same for your sister, discuss it with him. But, if he's the sole earning member and you're a homemaker, it's unlikely that he'd want to spend copious amounts on your sister. My husband has an older cousin here in the US. They live in a different city. And every time we visit them, hubby's cousin pays for everything from dinner to movie tickets and everything else. Also, buys us gifts etc. Once DH and his cousin were planning to go to the UK to watch some football match and the cousin was even insisting to buy the air tickets. And my hubby earns more than enough and totally doesn't need it.

Similarly, in my family, for as long as I can remember, every time my dad's sisters (my buas) used to visit us, dad won't let them pay for anything. Would arrange for taxis for them and their hubbys, hotel stays, lunches/dinners, gifts for their kids, airplane/train tickets, whatever it might be. My mom used to not like it sometimes, but she never said anything because it didn't affect our family's financial situation. Again, not like my buas' husbands couldn't afford these things. But my dad got a pleasure out of doing it, even for his elder sisters.

So what I'm trying to say is that yes, you're his wife and you have every right to be a part of all the financial decisions and your hubby's money is your money. But, there are a few lines that a wife shouldn't cross and a few things that a wife shouldn't interfere in. If you are in a comfortable situation, let him spend on his sister. He's not spending on something bad, like alcohol, right? And he fulfills his financial duties towards you?

And about your relationship with SIL, be cordial and nice to her even if you dislike her. Don't go overboard. But, since now she's going to be in the US and you'll likely see her often, it's important to maintain peace. However, if she crosses a line and causes trouble in your life, be sure to take a stand and make it clear to her that you won't take it lying down.

 

Let your H do whatever he wants for her but you do not have to feel obliged to be extra nice if you feel that she is not reciprocating it or not being nice to you. I have seen than younger SILs in general tend feel entitled to all the nice treatment and spending (on them of course) as in our society it is considered a bro's duty to take care of his sis and her needs all his life. You can be rest assured that your H will continue this treatment for a lifetime. The best thing to do would be to maintain a distance and keep her expectations at bay so that you do not end up feeling depressed for a lifetime.

My mom's SIL still cooks and does everything for my mom and her sisters when they visit my uncle's house as in my uncle's words "this is their family of origin." Cos of having done this for >30 years She has so much resentment against her H's sisters and does not miss a single opportunity to make them look bad in front of others.

It is best to do what you can and just be polite to her; do not go overboard.

Your H has to understand that she is his sis and not yours and if you do not expect him to be extra nice to your sis he cannot expect you to be extra nice to his.

 

It's kind of depend on type of indian community you are from. Example in some communities girls are life long burden or saying positively they'll pamper her till death in variation.

In some after marriage and the first year of marriage it stops as pampering the sis kind of questions the husband's backbone.

But yes in the first culture there are rules to load the DIL also so its not one way street.

Anyways brother pampering his sis is one thing and taking stand for his wife is another. If he does the first then make sure he does the second too.

 

OP, since ur SIL is coming to USA first time, let your DH spend on her for the first trip to visit you guys. Or why dont you guys travel and visit them, that way you are spending on ur own trip and combine some sight seeing so it will be like a trip for your family. If you are earning too, why not you spend on your sister, brother, parents? Just tell your DH, if he can spend on his younger sister, how is that any different from you spending on your younger siblings.

Venting about in-laws to DH never end up in a good way. So vent in IL and dont talk about it to DH. Next time if MIL/SIL does something nasty just ask them right there, then and there, in a casual way. Make sure to ask in front of DH.

Just ignore your SIL. If you keep thinking about her, it will only end up in more stress for you. Deal with it when she comes to visit you, or you go to visit her.

 

Please keep an open mind. I don't see any huge problem here. Unless she creates an issue, you should not feel bad. She didnt share about the gifts she received because you might not like it and rightly thought. Key to your problems is keeping an open mind. Not all SIL's are the same until proven otherwise.