Sil Is Centre Of Attention In Inlaws House

Shivika992 · May 12, 2023

So my SIL (Dh’s sis) and I don’t share a very good relationship. There have been things in the past where she has said mean things to me in private and around friends. She also seems jealous of me at times. Either way we just have a make do relationship since she lives close-by and we can’t really ignore each other. The issue is my MIL adores her daughter and finds a way to bring her into any and every conversation. I live with in-laws so it is hard to ignore conversations with MIL. I’m not a very talkative person and much less with my inlaws. MIL loves to talk and does not miss an opportunity to have a conversation so she usually dominates these conversations. SIL doesn’t come home often anymore so its been easy to bear her when she does come over.
Issue is my MIL constant talking about a person I am really hurt by. The conversation really lingers on my mind for few hours because I can’t bear to sit and listen praises about person who hurt me and never been supportive. I have tried to distance myself from these conversations with MIL but she seems to feel hurt if I don’t sit and talk to her. Worse is that I am currently not working and at home alot, so more and more conversations with MIL. I really can’t stand living with inlaws because half the time convos is about SIL or her children. What should I do?

godsgp · May 12, 2023

Hi OP

So there are two parallell relationships with the same person in the same ecosystem.One is yours and the other is your mother-in law's .Both are in contrast to each other. While you cannot stand her ,she absolutely adores her. I am not judging who is right or wrong but offering only a practical solution to the given situation.Since you live in the same space as your MIL and spend a considerable time home,the only safe solution is to zone out when she starts talking about her daughter.Or start thinking about your own stuff while nodding politely.Letting your MIL ,who loves her daughter ,know that you cannot stand a conversation about her will ruin your relationship forever.No parent ever can stand a mean thing or thought or an adverse person about their own child be it a boy or girl.
So try meditation ,music ,headphones ,whatever works to keep your anguish under check.
Also try a hand at the art of communication,lead the conversation or steer it the way you want.Eventually you will get there.

Thyagarajan · May 13, 2023

Best counter measures are you confront her with your stories about your mom and your mom’s dil and or about your siblings. Find out the best and worst stories from your side and keep telling her everytime she finishes with her stories Bout her daughter. And some times shiwer pkatitudes fior her story telling memory and hiw you are not tired of listening to her telling same stories many times. During her telling stories be asking counter questions interrupting her flow! Know how to irritate her kindly. Feign interest in listening. Keep telling hzha and hu .
Try to humorise he whole situation lest serious listening MIL WILL REJOICE.

anika987 · May 13, 2023

Things I practice and still in the process which helps me quite a bit these days..

1) Practice Emotional detachment.Drop your expectations with people and try to accept them for who they are.
2) Don’t respond to every conversation.Act neutral and disinterested no matter how much they trigger
3) Lastly,never ever give a clue that you are irritated by your sil.They might use it to their advantage and trigger u even more
4) Well..no matter what your sil is the daughter to your Mil so it is unavoidable to expect her not to talk about her daughter or bring her into conversations.So it’s better to accept that.
5) You are already keeping
Conversations limited.
6) If you think going to
Work might give you some peace try for that else take a walk Outside every morning or evening to clear your mind.Also
Good for health.