1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Sibling rivalry - Help me

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Amitha, Apr 27, 2010.

  1. Amitha

    Amitha Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    DS2 is very aggressive, wild and violent. He wants everything that DS1 has, wants to do everything that DS1 does, wants to sit in the same chair as DS1. Otherwise he immediately gets very angry and starts hitting DS1. DS1 is very soft and never raises his hands on anybody. When DS2 hurts him, he just cries. So I am on a constant watch when the 2 are playing, to make sure DS2 doesn't hurt DS1.

    While i was in India he used to bite everybody all the time. Initially I thought it was teething but it went beyond my patience level and I got help from Homoepathy doctor. I gave the prescribed medicines, just one course and I saw a lot of improvement. Biting stopped, but now this aggressiveness, hitting others, throwing items around - I am not sure what to do.

    Today morning while brushing his teeth, he bit my finger so badly, I started bleeding. He was so angry that I brushed his teeth against his wish, he just wouldn't open his mouth, I had to pull my finger out. It was horrible.

    He is also always prone to accidents. Everyday we see him falling down and hurting himself one way or the other. I don't have a count of how many times he has hurt his head, mouth, nose. He likes to be independent, but the accidents are something that worry me to let him be independent completely. It irritates him thoroughly. If he doesn't get what he wants, he immediately gets angry, stomps his foot to express his anger, tries to bite, hits, takes toys (both light and heavy) & throws everywhere, screams and what not (put your imaginations to work).

    I am worried that if his temper continues this way, then he will be in very big trouble, when he starts going to school. He is only 2 years old now. Even then it scares me to death. I am at a loss and don't know how to help him (rather myself). I am always afraid that he might hit some child and I will have to stand with a sorry face in front of another parent. I just don't want to go through that. I have always been a very quiet child, I express my temper only with DH :) and DS1 is more or less like me. Even DH doesn't have bad temper. Wonder from where the little man is getting this. I am concerned. Can you please pour some suggestions and help me. Thanks in advance.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 27, 2010
    Loading...

  2. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,036
    Likes Received:
    1,330
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    hi Amritha,
    well, just today i was going to post a thread related to really same issues like you are having.
    my younger son is few days short of 2 years.my elder one is 5.6 years.there is no sibling rivalry but my younger one is a hitter.
    he will hit us,his brother ,maid,driver........when things are not in his favour. if we scold him he will immediarely start crying.......i am at my wits.....what to do.
    i have tried cajoling,praising,time out but nothing seems to work........

    Moms ,do you have some good suggestions for us............please pour in.
    at 2.6 years he will start playschool & i want his behaviour to improve before that.
    pragati

    p.s :Amritha,a child of 2 is stable & should not be that accident prone as your ds seems to be.when he walks & runs pay attention to his legs.is he favouring any leg or running on almost toes....is his balance ok.i mean is he able to climb up & down the stairs himself (when one leg is to be used)
    check these points & if falling persists get him checked up by a good ped.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2012
  3. Amitha

    Amitha Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh it is not just sibling rivalry, he is getting mad at everybody, including us parents. He manages to get around 10 to 12 hours of sleep everyday. He is charged up when he gets up. I wonder whether this is a common behaviour in children at this age. But my DS1 was not violent, he was highly energetic, but never hurt anybody physically. Why is DS2 like this? Where am I going wrong?
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2010
  4. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,902
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    115
    Gender:
    Female
    Terrible Twos? When they want to do something by themselves but are not yet totally ready. DS is one of those kids. At 3, he wants to do everything by himself and then comes and says you do, very frustrated. He used to throw things around, slowly we have got him to see that if he cannot finish a task to take a breather and then do it again. Amitha, looks like our LOs are in a rush to do things and be "grown up". In our case, DS is clearly competing with his father, I am guessing your case it is with DS1. I am slowly trying to instil this feeling that he should compete only with himself and try and better what he does the first time. It is a very slow progress, I have to say.
     
  5. asha_karthik

    asha_karthik Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,195
    Likes Received:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    Amitha/Pragati
    have your kids started talking well yet? i found an uncontrollable frustration in dd till she started communicating well verbally, until she was sure we understood her.
     
  6. Amitha

    Amitha Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Asha,

    DS1 talks well - he is now 5 years old. DS2 is 2 years old and learning language. I understand the frustration part, where he gets angry when he is not able to communicate properly. But hitting DS1 when he is absolutely in his own world, not troubling DS2 - that is bothering me.

    I don't know if I mentioned this - We had gone to Bounce U, he was playing inside and when another LO entered he was about to hit her. We screamed from outside and said "don't do that". He was repeatedly going after that girl and my heart was thumping so hard, thinking don't do it. Her parents were right next to me and they could see on my face, how nervous I was. He was again and again trying to hit her, for no reason at all.

    He does the same thing at home - DS1 will be doing homework or playing all by himself or something. He gets frustrated and hits / tries to hit him. He doesn't leave us parents either.
     
  7. smart_soul

    smart_soul Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    566
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Amitha,
    My cousin's son who is 4 is very violent. He beats everyone when he is angry or too excited. So my uncle (the kid's grandpa) has taught him this. When the kid gets angry and about to beat/hit anyone, he makes the kid stand before him and holds his arms tight and starts counting 1..2..3..4.. till 10 very slowly. This many times helps the kid calm down, my uncle says..

    But on a hilarious note, when my uncle first started this practice and said, 'When you are angry, close your eyes and count till 10' and immediately the kid answered, "so after counting till 10 can I beat others?" :hide:That is still our family legend comedy.

    I know your kid is just 2, but you know how well kids understand things..
     
  8. Amitha

    Amitha Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    :rotfl OMG that was hilarious, SS

     
  9. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,036
    Likes Received:
    1,330
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    hi all,
    my son will turn 2 next week & he is very expressive.he can talk well & communicate nicely stating all his demands & needs.
    i find even the elder one teasing him a lot & maybe that is the reason.sometimes its because of being tired & many a times its because he demands to do things whch are forbidden.
    yesterday ,he brough his chairs & tried to stand near gas stove where i was working.when i tried to remove him from kitchen i got few slaps & then he started his tearful accusition'mummy beat me'.when all i did was say no...............again he brought his chair near gas & again same thing happened.the third time i made him sit on shelf & play with atta dough.........well,had lots of mess plus had to change his clothes but atleast he was calm.......still it worries me.one can't always suggest alternates.he has to learn meaning o no.

    amrita i googled 'toddler hitting siblings & got many results.am trying to find proper reason & solution
    pragati
     
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,155
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Amitha

    This is not sibling rivalry. sibling rivalry is a different aspect altogether.
    sibling rivalry between brother/sisters is a common fact that has to be accepted. some express it while some hold it to be expressed in the later stages, that is why you sometimes find the bonding missing as they grow up. There are times that the siblings will give anything for each other, and there are times when they are going for the jugular of the other.

    The classic example of this are my kiddos. my DD is known well at school, and DS is known as DD's brother. DS during one of his meltdown told me that he was waiting for DD to finish her schooling and leave for college so that he can be known by his name rather than being so and so's brother. some may say it is jealousy, but no, he is not jealous of her, it is just he wants his few minutes of fame for which he has to fight with his sister.

    now coming to your issue, no two children are the same. agreed your ds2 appears to be more aggressive, but maybe you are feeling/giving it more importance as Ds1 was calm? think both are two different individuals.

    have you supported DS1 infront DS2. like you feel that you are giving ds2 more time, and go and hug your ds1 in front of ds2. some kids are too possessive at the 2's and 3', that they cannot reason out that it is their brother or sister.

    There is another perspective..does ds1 react to what ds2 does. From the outside ds1 maybe calm, but do observe his reactions too. sometimes, these calm ones know how to tackle themselves and hurting the other emotionally or ribbing them so much that they are forced to show their aggression in other ways. This i tell you from my personal experience.

    will join you later.
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page