Sibling issues

Kavitha, welcome here. I am mom of a single (yet) so most of what I saying here is from my own experience as a sibling and from what I observe around. Do you think your DS "felt" (not necessarily because you did) like you were giving more of your time to your DD, given her developmental delays. My child was behind and I do know parents get totally focussed on a child who needs more attention.
I was a "weak" child often prone to illness, my sister would have perhaps had similar thoughts that my parents were more focussed on me. I think your son is acting out his frustrations here, not necessarily jealousy. I guess he is trying to attract attention to him, even if it is very negative.
Do you think have special times with both your children separately would help... say Saturday evening for DD and Sunday noon for DS and have a family time later. Or whatever suits your needs as a working mother.
At 3 years old, my son often tells me he does not "like" me. He does not need me anymore at bedtime to be sitting with him and clearly prefers his dad, I am looking at it as a developmental stage when the Son realises he is more like his father. For us, it is also coming with the realisation that the boys and girls (male and female) are different. Just wondering if it is something like that rather than moving away from you because of a disconnect. You are not parting with your child, but helping him become more independent of you (a good thing, believe me ;-), after being stuck to him for two and a half years during bedtime I am finally free to do other things around the house.)
I think you are using way too big words like "not understand his lil sis love" My son behaves like I am invisible to him a lot of times and then comes and hugs me for no reason, they are too young to express their love in a way we think is necessary. I think you have two lovely children there, I am sure raising twins is more of a challenge that way than raising singles.

 

Kavitha,

hugs to you. as a mom of a 14+ year and a just turned 12 year son I feel, you should not start worry too much about their bonding.

Remember one thing, we can try to make them bond well, that's it, not really TRY to make them bond. it is something natural.

the J factor is one real problem that i see in kids these days.
Just dont go about hitting or scolding too much. kids are sensitive and moreover not in front of his sister. we never know kids.

I will tell you my DD is the most silent type, you will never believe all the mischief she can do without another person knowing it. the only advantage i have is my DS will never says lies. and moreover, i reprimand each of them separately. i don't support DS to DD, or the vice versa. I only try to tell them each that this is not the way to behave and i would love my kids to be better.

My DS was the one who had all health/developmental issues through out. i took my dd into confidence and told her, that i had to give him extra care, as he had these problems, and god thought that this family of her dad, herself and her mom, can do miracles with their love and love.

though they are at each other's neck some days, and there are I don't want a bro/sister days, i can say that they are united when needed. they love each other..

Just wondering if you have reprimanded why are you hitting a girl or she was sick, you are not supposed to hit her. and it is his frustrations as tikka says and not Jealousy. for i have heard twins have a special bond.

I can understand your feeling worried of handling them. believe me, the kids will also understand and co-operate when they know that they have to be.

so relax.

 

Kavitha,

As Shanvy and Tikka has mentioned, jealousy among siblings, esp at such young age is unavoidable. I have a soon-to-be 5 year old son and 20 month old girl. He calls her a bad girl, hits her when she takes his toys and irritates her by snatching her toys. But he's also kind and brotherly when the need be. I do loose myself when he doesn't listen to my saying that he needs to handle the little one gently. and he does it more because i tell him so. but at 5 he's able to tell us why he behaves so - he doesn't like sharing his toys with him; he insists on giving only 'certain' toys which the girl doesn't want but he doesn't accept that. he wants to know why she is given certain concessions like if she throws we're still in the process of teaching her not to throw. but he gets warnings and he must pick up. that difference he doesn't understand.

at your kids' age it's very difficult for them to express clearly in words. don't get upset or don't take it personal (i used to but then realised they don't it as a vengeance). just tell him in sad tones that you miss your baby and very sad that he is not sleeping with mommy anymore. ask your husband to take the girl out and spend some one-on-one time with the boy. whenever he's in a good mood tell him that his sister is a bit weak and he needs to help her get strong. children of his age love to take up responsibilities. tell him she's not as quick or fast as he is so you need to help her. or rather encourage him to help. and never hesitate to show your appreciation openly.

i do this with my boy - at bed time i tell him what all he did nice today. like coming to shower without much fuss.. such normal things. nowadays he himself asks if he was bad on any thing. then i tell him that too. wherever possible take your husband's help. simple household tasks are overwhelming and we can get really really exhausted to handle such emotional issues.

next time there's a tiff - ask 'did someone cry? what happened?' instead of 'did you hurt your sister?'.. there will be some change. and don't forget to take some time out for yourself too. that's when you can scheme things well

Latha

 

Kavitha,


Can relate to your fear. I am taking care of things single handedly here.

I sometime believe, let them finish off what they are doing. even if it is the fight i am a passive listener from a distance and will give a piece of my mind separately to each of them.

there is another thing that was running in my mind this morning.the question is have you observed what triggers that frustation. sometimes, kids especially try to kindle the j factor when they get special attention. have you ever seen your DD do it. (It happens all the time, even at school , the child who gets first rank will do that to all the others..)

Bed times can be made special times. just go to talk about your kitta. spin the stories of subadra, balarama how the brother and sister were so close.

I have been through a period when we dreaded DD winning another medal before DS. he was so sensitive and his crying and moody spree used to damper DD's winning. we could never openly celebrate her winning. slowly he understands things now and even today we see it coming up sometimes, but it is just a flash..(this is natural..but as long it goes the healthy way it is fine.)

It is all about learning what suits our kids through trials and errors.

 

Kavitha,

Hang on is all i will say. I believe, we brought the kids into the world, so it is our responsiblity, and expecting anything from P/PIL is bad. Good if they do, if not it is fine, we will learn to manage.

just think positive.