Should words be coated in sugar while talking to ILs?

Me1 · Jan 21, 2015

Hi All beautiful ladies,

I always wonder "should words be sugar coated?"

I am a mature and grown person and live practically. I speak what is there in my mind. I don't use any harsh words but can not be dramatic.

Where in my co-sis does it and MIL is in head over heels in love with her:biglaugh
She expects the same with me. This has happened several times. Today as i came back (tired) from office she started saying that "your son keeps on pinching. He pinched me so hard that it is still paining"

(My DS is an year old and MIL takes care of him when I am away)

To this I replied smiling : hmm.. use samjhana padega ki galat baat h.(We need to make him understand that it is not right thing to do)

She got hurt with my statement and said :din bhar inka baccha sambhalo shaam ko inki suno"(For whole day i handle her kid and listen what she has to say.)

I told her above words just casually.. she was expecting me to say "yes, he has grown violent. Please let me know where to put the ointment"

I am :notthatway:

Suggest me did I made a mistake? Should I try sugar coating?

anahita5 · Jan 21, 2015

absolutely be diplomatic as you can. this is no less than world politics.

Me1 · Jan 21, 2015

anahita5 said: ↑

absolutely be diplomatic as you can. this is no less than world politics.
Click to expand...

Please suggest what i could have replied?

anahita5 · Jan 21, 2015

I am no sharp shooter. Can't think of smart things to say esp when i know they will be take out of context. There is no winning with some people, They just complain about everything. I don't engage with such people. so all i would have done is make a sorry face and said 'Oh, acchaa'. May be your MIL wants someone just to listen to her after a long day. She is old and probably gets more tired then you. Either way it works.

armummy · Jan 21, 2015

I think she needed some sympathy. Instead of smiling , you could have asked her to show where he pinched and atleast told the baby in front of her ' don't do this baby , she is your dadi na' . I know baby will not understand anything if he is too young but she could have been happy, could have told her he does same during nights or weekends .

this is not sugar coating , just expressing concern to a person who helps out with your kid.

yellowmango · Jan 21, 2015

Me1 said: ↑

Please suggest what i could have replied?
Click to expand...

Next time say...."Really Maa....I don't know where he learning this from....I am not here to keep an eye on him no???"

Or how about..."Sweety(dh)...you have to stop pinching me (naughty look) in front of sonny....he is also becoming naughty like you.

Or better still....."my son must have learnt it from your son...I will talk to both of them."

yellowmango · Jan 21, 2015

What is the option of keeping son in day care?I don't have much sympathy for your mil here...because she is the one who doesn't want to keep any one to help with work...when she has two dils who work full time.
If she lives in a joint family and want to rule the house and make decisions herself ......then she will get tired and cranky by a child's behavior.

May be you should suggest the day care option.

CrayoNess · Jan 21, 2015

It is quite much for a grandmother to take care of a small child the whole day. Maybe she needed some empathy.

Ragini25 · Jan 21, 2015

Get a daycare or nanny. MIL should not have to take care of this situation, and so you need to hire a nanny or arrange a daycare.

nb25 · Jan 22, 2015

She probably expected something along the lines of "Thank you so much, MIL. What will I ever do without you? You are so great, benevolent, charismatic, beautiful, wise, caring, loving...........(any other imaginary qualities)".

And all you came up with was a miserly "hmm.. use samjhana padega ki galat baat h".

Tch tch :notthatway: