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Should Parent Knock On Child's Door Before Entering?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Rihana, Mar 31, 2021.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Should a parent knock on a child's room door before entering? If no, why not?

    If yes, at what age of the child should this knocking on the door start?

    For this thread, let's assume that the child's room cannot be locked from inside.
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    For us, our older one must have been about 8 or 9 years old when she started to keep her room door closed some times, and we naturally started to knock before entering.

    One time my childhood friend from India was visiting. When she was about to leave, maybe around 11:00 pm, I wanted my kids to come say bye. I had to knock a few times till the teen heard it as he/she had headphones or something. My friend was rather amused at my politeness, and knocking and waiting to knock louder. The room light visible under the door showed that my kid was not yet asleep.
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, unless there is knowledge of imminent danger or inappropriate activity. I’d say when the kids are old enough to be shy about privacy.
     
  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel we are casual about it now..
    My girl is 8 but sooner or later maybe around preteen years I will start knocking coz kids deserve to be understood,respected and not taken for granted.That’s how I feel.

    however..if she is with her friends I usually come in announcing that am entering the room.
     
  5. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes parents should always knock on the child's door... whatever the age, even if the door is open ...
    It teaches them to knock on our rooms too and offer us the same respect and thoughtfulness...
     
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  6. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    I think upto the time my children were in school, we didnt think much of it and would freely enter the children's room and they too did not have the habit of closing their doors . However once in college and their friends group became wider and more personal for them, we parents always used to call out to them before entering. Once married, the question should not arise, as it is a given :yum:
     
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  7. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    DD is 9, I always knock if the door is closed otherwise I call out to her while entering.
     
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    :hello: @Rihana
    The question assumes all are reasonably well-to-do parents and have provided separate rooms for kids. Irrespective of kids’ age a gentle knock on the closed or that kept ajar would be teaching them manners and help in habit forming.

    Senior kids closed the doors, a gentle endearing call before knocking slightly hard would boost their mood and might even result in parents commanding respect and appreciation for respecting their ( kid ) privacy.

    A kid just behind the doors playing or about to open would be knocked out if one just pushes the unlocked door open from the other side.

    If DH HAPPENS TO BE ALONE and playfully pretend to act like a kid, then too a gentle knock at the doors help draw his best attention and good mental preparation to welcome his spouse.

    Thanks & Regards.
     
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  9. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel very conflicted abou this, mainly because growing up, in a house that was barely a few hundred sq.ft, we had no rooms of our own and certainly no expectation of any kind of privacy, and I do not find that I missed anything in my life!

    I have a 10 yr old and a 6 yr old, and whie they have a room for their toys and stuff, we haven't really specifically assigned it as their room. Which means that all of us have free access to the room anytime, just as they have free access to the rest of the house at anytime.

    The only time I allow them to close the door is when they have friends over and are not watching/doing anything on a screen. They need to have the door at least slightly open if they are watching anything on screen. Of course, I am able to enforce all this because they are still little.

    I would see no reason even for when my children are teenagers to close the door to their rooms where in we have to knock to enter, unless they are studying and we have disturbances in the house that would prevent them from being able to focus on whatever they are doing if they were to keep the door shut like that. Even if they do have the door shut, I would expect to be able to enter in at anytime without having to knock!
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I used to feel somewhat like that. It used to "rankle" me to follow the knock on child's door etc protocol which I frankly thought was too American for my household. Putting tadka in sambar and going to knock on the door to call for dinner .. knocking louder as kitchen exhaust fan is on due to tadka.. : )

    That's one way of looking at it. Another is: our parents had no or minimal expectation of privacy in the house. We now have more access to privacy and also higher expectations of privacy than our parents had. Similarly, our children would have higher expectations than we had when their age.

    : ) studying is not the only thing teenagers would need to close the door for.

    It took me effort to get used to the overall kids and their privacy funda. That is good preparation for college years, when parents have no access to child's academic information such as grades or even what courses he is taking while they are fully responsible for the college expenses.

    All that being said, there have been couple of epic occasions when the door itself was removed as a consequence for extremely egregious acts. That was mild compared to the story of the Georgia father who moved his 17 year old's entire room to the driveway as she refused to clean it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2021
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