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Should I Trust My Instinct

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Sep 27, 2020.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    How much one should respect their instinct?

    I usually have strong instinct about certain things which eventually direct my way of life. As long as its about myself, I let my strong instinct to influence any decisions that i make. It always turn out to be right & I am guarded that way.

    But when it comes to family decisions, I can't simply rely on my instinct for decision making. I need valid evidence to back what i say & decide, else others won't support my choices.
    But there are times, you mind strongly feels something and you too badly want to listen to your mind. But unfortunately you can't scientifically prove what you are going through. That's when conflicts start....

    We have planned our most awaited Bangladesh trip. Booked the tickets for my dependents, arranged school formalities, bought all the essentials & after so much drama convinced mom & relatives about everything specially about mom's care & our return trip....

    The tickets were highly expensive, long trip & long wait at DXB and quarantine procedures among other hassles of flying this time.

    Now that, for the past few days my mind repeatedly say no to this trip.
    I get hallucinations and weird thoughts about all negativeness like kids & H get covid19 during the trip & we all get stranded & suffer in that alien country due to that.
    Another thought like mom gets severely sick & we are unable to return home due to airport closure etc...
    Sometimes i think what if something bad happens to mom when she is away from us, specially the kids whom she adored the most. The entire clan will blame us for leaving her alone & separating her from the kids at this time. She is already 72 & lived with us for a decade together.

    My friends say the airport in Bangladesh is pretty bad, there is no social distancing & the virus is on its peak now. It can aggravate with winter coming in.

    But they didn't mention this earlier when i checked before booking.

    I am getting paranoid about the actual trip and all the precautions to be taken.

    My mood is so low and my instinct strongly say 'don't go'.

    My husband gets angry and feel cheated about my instinct. He says we should go because we have crossed half of the well.

    He is ready to take the risk, and worried about society bcz he has informed everyone that we are going.
    But he seems unaware & uninterested in getting updates about covid19 situation over there.
    Everything needs to be done by me, including ticket booking, hygiene arrangements, hotel & all.
    He just enjoys the visit as a dependent since he wants a change now.
    Even my elder son (10) understands my mood & tries to get as much info to be prepared.

    What can i do?
    May i go alone & see?
    May i go as planned with family?
    May i resign & await for another opportunity till 2020 is over?
     
    pocahontas likes this.
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Take proper precautions and travel. Unless you can easily find a similar opportunity again.
     
    blindpup10 likes this.
  3. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    More than instinct, you seem to usually have a restless mind. In such state of mind, Best is if you go alone first and see.
     
    sarvantaryamini likes this.
  4. pocahontas

    pocahontas Gold IL'ite

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    @SGBV there are some decisions you have to make by yourself. Everything around you is noise.

    1. I have traveled during COVID, with one layover as well. You can take precautions. Please message me if you need any specific details.
    2. I have read your other posts- staying in Srilanka has other problems. Traveling to Bangladesh brings new ones.
    3. I understand the resentment you have now- that you have to plan everything and hence responsible. delegate some planning and activities- from spouse to children. Thet can read up on COVID on internet and plan on how to minimize contact. Buy masks and gloves on Amazon. When people do their own research, they start understanding that YOU are not creating new problems. It is how it is. Loss of face (i.e., informed everyone that we are going and now we are not) may look very insignificant when compared to getting sick etc.
    4. Society/people around you will always have something to say- irrespective of whether you go alone or with family. Whether your mother travels with you or not. Whether you stay back in Srilankz and your mother lives with you or your brother.
    Do not second guess your decisions. If you do not make a decision, others are making that decision for you.
    I know your afraid how things will be in Bangladesh. But you do not have a guarantee on how things will turn out to be in Srilanka in a few months.
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks everyone....

    I understand the restless part. Venting helps to handle this restlessness. Instead of venting this with real life people, I chose to vent anonymous here.

    Restlessness is due to the fact that i am forced to handle EVERYTHING. Its not easy. Period.

    I need to provide for the family, think about savings, investments and future. Its not contributing, but doing all these alone.

    I need to nurture the family, raise the kids, do everything for their health, hygiene, food, studies, sports, etc..etc...

    I need to look after my elderly mom who happened to be my dependent. I owe her so much that i can't deny my responsibility towards her.

    Amidst all this, I have my passion, my dream, my social status, peer pressure, health issues, EMIs, etc..etc...

    And now, this covid19 which is affecting every corner & unlike in other homes, I am here forced to make plans all by myself.

    My dependents act like the bosses, which sometimes make me feel like a looser.

    I have travelled alone during dire circumstances in the past, but its just me.
    Exposing kids from a very comfy zone to a very dangerous zone is always a tricky decision.
    I need support, validation and help to make a decision. Instead my family judge me here. So i have to handle that as well.

    If you were in my shoes, you will know what's meant my restlessness
     
  6. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    Which is why - with your restless state of mind, best is to go alone and see first. Let the kids remain.
    My 2 paise opinion.
     
  7. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. If you are indeed the one making the decisions as you say then trust the instinct and either call it off or postpone. If things go south either in destination or at home you will blame yourself a lot - since it was your decision. Better safe than sorry. Goal for this year should not be profit/ loss but getting everyone safe and alive through this Covid challenge in one piece. That is what I am doing personally so that’s my advice.
     
    SGBV likes this.
  8. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Yes, I am the one that makes the decisions, and I usually make most important decisions based on what my instinct say.
    I do over analyze it, and discuss with others before making any serious decisions, because I don't want to fail or get stagnated anywhere in life.
    On the other hand, I would be happy if I have anyone who could either make decisions for me or at least participate in the decision making process with me. This way, I would be a little stress free, and we could share the responsibility whatever it may be. Sadly, I have no one; thus I became the locomotive of my family. Others are just dependents!!!

    As you said, I don't want to regret or feel bad. If that is just a matter of cash or position, I wouldn't be this careful for that matter. Here, it is about the lives of my children. It is about the last phase of my beloved mom. It is about our safety and security. It is about everything....

    Covid19 is not something we knew or we are familiar with. It is something we have never experienced. For everyone this situation is new, and changing. I can't rely on any source that sticks to any kind of instruction when it comes to taking major decisions in this time.

    By the time I applied for this post in March, things seemed a bit OK. We believed, covid19 would be over and the world will become normal by end of 2020. Things have changed since then, and now we have emerging new problems.
    We can't rely on what seemed good some 6 months back, and things may not be the same in the coming months either.
    This is a pandemic and it has never happened in our lives before.

    As you said, goal for this year should be "staying safe". We will have ample opportunities to live and progress in the future.
    That's why I am reluctant to take the risk against my own instincts that strongly says NOOOOO
     
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:The “ present” is a situation where no one like to be in the present.

    • This is also a instinctive decision and so willy-nilly old and young reluctantly stay indoors. For some instinct says “dare” and they go enmasse to heavens via Florida beach. Between matters of poor and rich, father of the Nation said he would go by what heart says not the head. That is a decision after analysis.
    But large section of society acts as per instincts first only to regret if necessary at leisure.
    Few think and then act and they never go back to thinking again for a reversal.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
  10. dharmastick

    dharmastick New IL'ite

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    I'm not speaking for everyone, but I'd say, 80% of the time, our instinct is right, may not be exactly what you think but there's really something wrong.
     

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