Should i still trust my husband?

Please reread my posts and then tell me what has to be done. I said ignore him for sometime.

 

Icy, why are you scared of your husband? I fail to understand. He's a fellow human being with whom you have decided to live the rest of your life. Why are you afraid of him? He'll misuse information, shout at you, divorce you and you are adjusting. I mean this is a very suffocated life.

You need to live a life based on both of your terms without fear. You must feel emotionally secured in a relationship and you must have a sense of belonging. A relationship doesn't develop by convincing the other person. It is spontaneous where the other person understand and accepts your ideas.

As ASG had mentioned, you need to rate your marriage and decide how much you want to continue. Marriage is for yourself and not for the society girl!

 

Icy,

You asked if we think your dh loves you. Personally, I don't think he does. When you love somebody, you do not try to "return" them someplace as if they are a piece of merchandise. You do not let your parents abuse your wife's parents. You do not use abusive language during a normal conversation about stuff like her work and home issues. You do not starve her of sex. You get angry, but you eventually make up... not keep the anger burning forever.

However, I think he is doing the best he can in a relationship in which there is no love. See, the thing with love is, it helps us overlook the annoying qualities of the other person. It helps us get through tough times. But when love isn't there.... the other person's annoying qualities become unbearable. The tough times just feel endless. That is why even more than compatability (similar education, jobs, social status), LOVE is the most important thing in a marriage.... it is like glue. It keep a couple together even when nothing else makes sense. I think it is his sense of responsibility (and social pressure) that keeps him in this marriage. And while that will keep you married on paper, it makes for one heck of a lousy marriage.

I know lots of times I have called you immature. And you are. But so am I sometimes. I have my really annoying moments at home. But my dh is blinded by his love for me, so he doesn't see me for the annoying person I am. That is what love does, it blinds you to the other person's faults. My dh can be the ultimate jerk, but I love him, so his faults don't linger in my mind. But in your case, I see such a lack of love between you two, that the little marital annoyances we all have, become big issues in your relationship. That is because the love isn't there to smooth things over.

And honestly, I think you WANT this marriage to work (at least that is why I feel from your posts), and I think you feel a sense of responsibility towards him just like he feels for you... but I highly doubt you could love him the way normal wives love their husbands... because you have been treated so badly in the past. To truely grow, love has to have several elements... like trust, respect, loyalty, stability. The catch 22 is, to grow those things, lots of people need love first to build that bond. Icy, even if you became the best wife in the world, there is no gaurantee you would ever learn to love each other, because love is not a formula. It's not like "best home cooked meal + good looks + dutiful dil = love from husband". Love is organic, often makes no sense, and is one of those things that either 'happens' or it doesn't (like when people talk about a couple's chemistry). Just sticking a random woman and man into a relationship is no gaurantee there will be love. Human emotion is too complex for that.

You need to decide if there is any spark of love (i.e. good chemistry) between you and your dh. And by love I don't just mean physical longing. If there is some love between you both, maybe things can be worked out. But if you both feel platonic towards each other like you are just in this for the sake of 'being married', then girl, that is not how marriage is supposed to be.

Every married couple fights. But at the end of it, they kiss and make up. But it seems with both of you, there is never a make up.... rather just a cease fire until the next battle. To me that sounds like war, now whether that sounds like marriage to you, is up to you. Good luck.