Should I spend equal time with my in laws

My suggestion is stay 3 weeks in your place and 2 weeks in your inlaws place. Do your shopping while being in your inlaws place so you don't have to spend that much time with your inlaws.

 

hi..
if the relationship between u and your ILs were atleast cordial or even manageable, i would have strongly suggested equal stay at both the places give or take a week or so. This would be mainly becuase they have an equal right to time with their grandchild. But if you are not respected while you are staying there and your & your kid's needs are not going to be taken into consideration, then this is not applicable.
But still i would suggest some time at the ILs place. I guess the time your DH would be in India, the whole week would be at your IL's place? And since both your places are in chennai, i hope its feasible at least to spend the day time for few days at IL's place?
Unless you want a complete stop to your relations with your IL's i wouldnt suggest a complete refusal to staying with the ILs for few days...
Good luck with your decision and i hope you and your DH are on the same page regarding this.

 

If you want to make this trip peaceful and memorbale try listening to your DH and spend time equally .Just a fewday more doenot hurt .Even if you don't want to sepn they might need to spend time with their grandson.People do change with time .The things that you said about your MIL is 90% charatersitics of all MILS.so its just a few weeks .as other ilites said try to spend that time packing ,shopping ,visting temples etc so that you don't have to hurt anybody .

you don't have to treat them equal to your parents.But both the grand parents have equal rights to spend time with their grand son so so please don't take it away from them

 

Listen to your husband and spend equal time.

• Your husband is at least reasonable unlike other husbands who expect their wife to stay with his parents most of the time.
• The issues you are facing with your MIL is what all women face, nothing different. But that doesn't mean I am justifying your MIL's actions.
• Your parents and in-laws are in the same city. Imagine if they are in different cities and you have to shuttle between the cities with your kids.
• You will be in your in-laws place for only couple of weeks. So what if your MIL puts up a long face? Put up with it for your husband's sake. When you are ill, don't you take bitter medicine to get well?
• If you spend equal time, your husband will be very happy and a good wife wants to see her husband happy, right?

 

On the same note, Isn't this the responsibility of the husband to understand the unfairness of the situation and make the wife happy? After all, a good husband is also one who keeps his wife happy. Right?

Just because some Indian men expect heavens from their wife and expect them to spend 100% of time with his parents, it does not mean it is right. Many men acknowledge the unfairness and do not ask their wives to do it. I personally know many many couples who do not insist on 50% stay...ofcourse the husbands also need not stay in the wife's place for 50% or even 20% of the time.

BTW....Vacation is a time to relax and enjoy and we Indian women are also entitled to our share of vacation. I don't think its a man prerogative alone. Why should be swallow the bitter pill as of she is ill on the vacation for many many years to come?

 

Sricharani,

Your child is only a year old. So, it would be very difficult to leave him at your in-laws' all by himself with you in your mother's house. Therefore, I strongly second Quincy's suggestion. Divide your vacation into equal times with your in-laws and parents (due to the child) but spend your time by shopping, making day-visits to friends and relatives, etc. The idea is to give the semblance of having spent equal time at both places without having to get up close & personal with your MIL, especially if she is rude or abusive towards you. At the very least, your child is her grandchild so she is entitled equal time with him (your son) even if not with you.

As your son gets older, it gets better. Eventually, he will be old enough to stay by himself at his grandparents' place so you won't even have to keep up a charade of spending time with them. You can drop him off there for half-the-vacation and spend that time with your own parents.

 

Hi,

Even I had this problem when I visited India in June. I was travelling alone with my two children to India and hubby was to join after 2 weeks. So they wanted me to land at their place and stay. So I made my hubby clear that ok I will land there and after staying at night next day went to my parents place. My inlaws place is just 20 minutes away from my parents place. I stayed with my parents till my hubby joined me. My husband thought what u feel ok about do it. Its ur vacation so u need to plan it and not they. They will never be satisfied with what u do.