Should I find him?

Hi Kate,
After reading your post I really hate Indian men. They must be the most selfish and coward species on Earth.

 

Hi Kuttima,

Isn't that a rather sweeping statements. To take one specimen out of more than a billion or even a few 100s or 1000s and then concluding that all Indian men are like that is like looking at one grain of sand from a far off shore and trying to conclude what the entire coast line of that country is like.

It is very unfortunate that Kate's mother met one of these "select" specimens. But don't brand half of the Indian population saying they are all like him.

Please understand, I am not trying to lecture you, but just trying you to alert you against the dangers of making such sweeping generalizations. There are millions of good men in the country. Please read the thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/marriedlife/133716-lets-acknowledge-lack-negatives-man.html[/URL. Maybe it might be an eye-opener.

 

Not at all Kate. One only needs to look around with an open mind. As for your question, just look at the number of posts here where dils complain that the mil rules the roost and everyone toes the line, following her diktat and no one (not even the fil) dares to contradict her or stand up to her. There are many families where I have seen the wife being the more dominant person, while the husband gives in for the sake of peace in the family.

Like everywhere else, and like every other situation in life, one person may turn out to be more dominant than the other. Which of the partners is dominant and which one is passive is also as varied as the number of families in the world and purely a matter of chance.

 

You don't need to be embarrassed about him being your father. You should be proud of being your mother's daughter.

 

I wouldn't generalize it to seem like it's an elder issue. I have come across cases (my parents and a few other people) where the Daughter In Law is the one who makes the diktats and the husband's are hen-pecked.

Unfortunately, the only ones who speak up here and come for solutions are the DIL's, which makes it seem like most of the MIL's are unpleasant people.

Culture demands that elder's be respected. It's how we grew up. We consider the elder's to be this vast pool of knowledge, which needs to be respected. But times are changing. Atleast when you talk about the metro cities of India. Most women started working during the "Bra Burning" days of the 70's. They raised their children to be independent enough and make their own decisions. Some of these girls get married into families where they are respected but some of them end up getting married into families where things run on an hierarchical basis, resulting in a lot of the posts you see on here.

Alot goes into defining your quintessential Indian family dynamics now.

 

I would think it is an unholy mix of gender, elder and other social issues. No one issue can be pinpointed as the only reason. Having said which, even the extent of these issues would vary from family to family. You would find families in relatively uneducated families, in rural areas where women are treated well, families in educated, urban families where they are ill-treated and various permutations and combinations. It is really hard to make a blanket statement for a country with such a diversity of cultural and traditional practices

 

To take the thread onto a lighter vein -

Indians love feeding their guests. No matter where we are, we WILL feed our guests a 7 course meal. From appetizers to dessert, it's all there. And we do feel that our guests never eat enough.

We won't be satisfied until you unbutton your jeans and call out to your Mother.

 

Lol that's SO true! And if I cannot find a guest to feed, I will overstuff my hubby on any regular night. :rotflI get immense satisfaction from cooking and feeding people. Kate, I was at temple a couple of days ago and I thought of you when I saw the activity board with all types of cultural events... if you'd like to learn more about your Indian side, maybe you could join up a group like that which celebrates Indian culture. Just an idea.