Dear IL----Should I try to make contact with my father? Some background---30 years ago, my Irish-American mother met and fell in love with an Indian engineering student when they were in college here in the States. When his parents found out he was living with an American girl they (quoting my mother) "summoned him home and married him off". Soon after he left, she found out she was pregnant. She tried to get ahold of him, but he never contacted her back. She never told him she was having a baby---as she puts it, "if I wasn't good enough for them, then neither was my daughter". I had a good all-American upbringing, and really have little to no understanding of my father's culture, but I've always been curious. Idusladies has been like a treasure box of information and understanding. I have so much more empathy over the pressure my father must have been under. Even my mom is a little more forgiving after reading some of the postings here. My question to you is, should I try to find my father? I have the address of his brother who lives here in the states (or at least I think so, a little computer searching finds the same family name at that address)---so should I introduce myself or would that turn everyone's world upside down? I don't want anything, I have my education, an excellent job, a small happy family, but like most folks, I'd like to connect with my roots. So what do you think----should I try to find my dad? Or would my presence in his life just bring him problems and disgrace?