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Should I Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lonely12, Oct 21, 2019.

Should I divorce?

  1. Yes

    14 vote(s)
    53.8%
  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    46.2%
  1. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    I still see the poll at 60:40 in favor of staying with the marriage, such as it is. A few months back there was a thread about a complaints website where IL forum had received the review that we are all in favor of advising divorce to married people. WRONG!
     
  2. startinganew

    startinganew Finest Post Winner

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    Was reading your post from 2 years ago and it looks like nothing has changed much:
    A Vent Out

    :unamused: Sorry I don't have anything to add to some good points from others above. I wanted to add this older thread here so the other responders have more context - i.e. know that you've been having a difficult time for a while now.
     
    Amulet, SinghManisha and hermitcrab like this.
  3. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, Your kid will be in college in less than 10 years, in those years you focus on immigration, job, friends and hobby and meeting your parents.
    After your kid is in college, divorce.
     
    SinghManisha and Lonely12 like this.
  4. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you.. I am working towards all the points you mentioned. In laws didn’t treat me well in the beginning.. but now we are all in harmony.. I don’t worry about them much. My employer has not filed for GC yet.. but my husband’s employer has.. right now i am on h1 but if it expires I will have to leave country. My kid is US citizen, so I worry if I divorce, will the full custody go to my husband? I am not sure.. if someone has any knowledge on this , pl shed some light..
     
  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for pointing this old thread out . 2 years and the frustration seems to continue.
    @Lonely12 How long will the green card process take? Why not make things simpler by waiting for it to be approved before you take the decision ? Meanwhile, you should make all the necessary preparations for your future independent life. Focus on your career, finances, friends and built a good support system. So if and when the time comes for separation , it should be as pain free as possible.

    If things are unbearable and you are ok going back to India with the son, then plan to separate sooner. Here too, make sure you are well equipped !

    oh yes, I vote for separation . Now or later is your choice.









     
    Lonely12 likes this.
  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    You cannot take your kid to India without your dh's permission. Its better to wait till GC is approved. How long you have to wait. Have you asked dh about its status. Once you get it, your dh can't cancel it. Be practical. Focus on you , your finance and your supporting system.
    If you are employed, please explore EAP. You can go for free counseling and other legal services through them. Empower yourself. Explore more
     
    BhumiBabe likes this.
  7. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you @SinghManisha & @DDream!
    I am hoping we should get gc within next 5 years.. but it can be earlier or later..no one can predict.. so I think my best option is to wait for few more years.. and plan the exit plan carefully..
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  8. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    what is your priority date.

    anything after 2010. just forget it . my H got super stressed couple of years back. now we are in the stage of bliss, do not give a crap. focusing on kids and career.
     
    Amulet likes this.
  9. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    2011 EB3
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    This appears to be a class action, instead of an individual problem.
    • Techie marries techie in India.
    • Both have jobs.
    • Hurry to have a child for multiple, complex reasons.
    • In-law issues and fights.
    • One or both get h1B to go to America. Optional h4B hell for one.
    • Escape from In-laws, but grim, busy life substitutes for that.
    • Worry about what's-to-become-of-me/us withers love life.
    • Stop talking to each other so as not to worry the other.
    • (optional: Take to booze to forget worries, ED: ♂︎ becoming õ)
    • Each confide in friend -- or Internet forum anonymous-advisers.
    • Advice: Wait till child(ren) in College, and Permanent Resident visa in hand.
    The innocenti who have no clue about what goes on in the lives of the younger generation ask this:
    In the past generation life was very simple.
    • Girl married young, and was sent off to live in joint family.
    • Before she(and her husband) knew exactly how body parts work, she had 3 children.
    • Her life was a tussle in the establishment of her status in the joint family hierarchy, and her children's health and nutrition.
    • No time to complain. No time to harass spouse, as joint family offered many other targets to harass.
    • Love/Sex - the causes of all misery was given up decades before death, with thankful relief.
    • 30 was the old 50: and then, life span was much shorter. All over before too long.
    Question to @Lonely12 : Do you buy or design/hand-stitch the halloween costume for the child ?
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2019
    yesican and nemesis like this.

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