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Should I Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lonely12, Oct 21, 2019.

Should I divorce?

  1. Yes

    14 vote(s)
    53.8%
  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    46.2%
  1. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    My life
    Pros:
    - Financially stable
    - no physical abuse
    - husband is good father to my 7 yr old kid

    Cons:
    - No love
    - No sex
    - Every conversation ends in fight
    - I really don’t like or love my husband anymore
    - I don’t want to talk to him and resolve anything
    - Feel very trapped in the marriage
    - I really don’t care any longer
    - Don’t feel like sharing anything with him
    - Don’t feel connected
    - All the time feel jealous of other happy couples

    I am just too scared to come out of my comfort zone. What should I do?
     
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  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Please work on your marriage..think about your kid who needs a father...
    The cons which you mentioned, every lady would have experience such emotions sometime or the other after many years of marriage once the initial spark is gone..divorce should be the last resort.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    The red ones are totally irrelevant.... ignore that you have a marriage, take the good "father"-aspect, come to an understanding about the fact that you have a dependable baby-sitter (do you?), and move on.

    Conversations end in fights ? Dont talk, don't share. What you do with your personal life is your business, and what he does is his business. Why bug each other with talk/share?
    I vote NO; but, if he votes yes, go along with it.
    If you stop haranguing each other for a bit, and turn mutually civil, you may yet develop a situation that can go into friendship, and either help you in a life post-divorce where you might share custody, or get to a decision to retry the marriage under a different set of conditions.
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2019
    Vanani likes this.
  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Next in the list jot down
    What next after divorce? Maybe after that some of the cons list would reduce is my thought . The pros and cons may have an equal proportion after this and that's a sign to "not divorce" .
    Lines quoted above would still be present after divorce unless you find a suitable Partner. Good luck with that(if at all you have plans to do that) but before choosing new partner make sure the current pros don't turn into cons.
     
    KashmirFlower, anika987 and shravs3 like this.
  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    No you shouldn't divorce.
    I do not think you have any valid reasons here for a divorce. Unless you have a good answer for these questions:
    Why do you think you cannot work on this marriage?
    How is he towards you? Is he ignorant and avoid your needs?
    If you get divorced, will you look for another partner? And if you do how do you make sure the next partner is better than this one? Especially when you have a 7 year old kid tagging along who isn't your new partner's?

    Think it thru. May be all you need is a break or a vacation together. Or may be just a heart to heart talk.
     
    KashmirFlower and anika987 like this.
  6. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Silver IL'ite

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    Its tough isnt it.

    I think I will get a better idea if you could also include what you have put into this relationship. Not saying you havnt, just asking. There are many whys that I wonder.
     
  7. amnilakshmi

    amnilakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    All married women go through this phase at some point of their married life. I feel you should go for counselling rather than divorce.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    How long have you been married?

    this phase am sure most couples would have gone through.
    Reasons are not strong enough to resort to divorce.

    What do you think you will do after divorce?find another guy who will provide you physical and emotional needs till the very end of life?Maybe in a Gautham Menon movie or MILLS and BOONS novel.


    You are not getting enough excitement in life and you need to ask what you want and try to work on it.


    By the way who told you other couples are happy 24/7?Maybe the ones in Facebook,Instagram or the ones you randomly meet outside in parties or other places? Most people are having too many skeletons in their closet.

    There might be other ladies jealous of you when they spot you outside laughing with a friend or even your spouse at that moment.

    NOONE has a perfect life!!!!
     
    SCA and shama146 like this.
  9. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Silver IL'ite

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    The reason lot of people voted No, is because, your Cons are not pointing to any issues. Those are end result of a couple not in good terms.

    Unless you give more information, no one can help ( and trust me, people here can help if you provide the right detail ). But this is a catch 22 situation, how much can one share in a public forum.

    Anyways, here is the information which will be helpful for others.

    1. How is a typical week day
    2. Routine for the weekend
    3. Vacations, how often and what kind of location, what activities
    4. Who is responsible for what in the house hold
    5. What are the things both of you like to do together or have common interest.
    6. What is your H vulnerable at?

    If you don't act on this situation, it will not go away. You need to keep pushing for a better life.

    The first thing you need to put a stop to is, for your H to take the laptop and sit in front of it, ignoring others.
     
    SinghManisha and Angela123 like this.
  10. Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Since you all asked for details..

    My husband is asexual. He was never attracted and will never be attracted to me in the future. I was willing to compromise on this but still expected to be loved. That never happened either. He is very selfish. He Only cares for his child. I showed a lot of affection before but still our differences pulled us apart.
    We are two very different people with nothing in common. Only thing we can do together is watch tv.
    Of late he is also being very rude and disrespectful, which I totally hate. He wants to pull the kid towards his side. So he is spoiling my kid as well.
    I have no affair nor have anyone else in my mind.
    The reason I was asking suggestion for divorce is because if I stay in this relation, my life is no way going to change. I will be depressed very often. But if I can get over with it ones, maybe I will get some relief ? I probably could choose some other path...
     
    hermitcrab likes this.

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