Should I change my attitude or the day care?

My son is 21 months old. When he was 16 months old I wanted to put him in a day care. He mingles quickly with everybody and he loves kids. He just doesn't have anybody to play with and feels bored staying just with me the whole day till his dad returns from work. So I decided to put him in a day care thrice a week(M W F - 4 hrs/day).

My husband and I took him there the first day... He stayed with him for a few minutes and then left. He was good, he played with the kids, ate with them. My husband picked him up after 4 hours. Then he got sick and we sent him after a week. My husband left him there and left to office. After 15 minutes he got a call saying that they can't manage him and that he is crying a lot and he vomited(that's when they called my DH). They asked him if he wanted them to keep my son or he would pick him up. My DH said that he would immediately come n pick him up.

Then yesterday after 3 months we again took him to the same day care. My husband and I were there. As soon as we reached the door, my son became sad. There were two teachers there, they gave him toys n other stuff and made him sit there. My husband left and I was there with him. One teacher among the two kept asking me to go. When I was about to leave, my son came behind me, she immediately carried him and asked him to give me a hug, but my son started crying so I stayed back. Then I said he didn't have anything in the morning so she might have to give him something to eat. She said breakfast is from 8-9 so the kids can eat it when they feel hungry. I told her that he doesn't talk well so she might need to give him without him asking(our mother tongue is malayalam and my son can't converse in English though he understands). I asked my son if he was hngry(in malayalam), he said yes and I took him to the table. They served him bread and milk. When he was about to have it, the same teacher asked me to leave. She said that he will cry but they will take care of it as it is not uncommon. I immediately left the place. My son didn't see me leave but as soon as I left he started crying. I was sitting on a chair in the waiting area. I could hear him crying loud. My heart was aching when I heard my son cry. He was crying for around 10 minutes. I could not bear it so I stepped out of the building, called my DH and told him. He said he ll be fine and that I should not be worried. After the call I again went in hoping that my son would have stopped crying but as I neared the room, I could hear him louder and louder. I just stood near the front for and watched him. What I saw made me cry a lot and my heart crushed into pieces. My son was just wandering behind one of the teachers, she was busy with her own work, she was cleaning and wiping and arranging. He was going behind her wherever she went, the other teacher was sitting there and reading a book. My son was roaming around crying, he was trying to open the door and go out, he was peeping thtough the window but not one of the teachers even carried him and consoled him or was even trying to stop him cry. They just thought he would stop crying once he gets tired. When I saw my son wandering about crying I felt like a lost kid wandering on the roads searching for his parents. I could not control my tears.

Finally after half an hour I just went in and carried my son. Those two teachers never expected me there, they thought I left to home already. They didn't like to see me there, they showed some faces but I don't care. One of the teacher told me that she tried to play a few rhymes but he was not ready for it(that's a lie, I know). I said I am taking him home. As soon as my son saw me, he started crying badly and he wanted to tell me something but he could not. I took his belongings and left the place. He didn't even want to stay there to put his jacket on, he just wanted to leave. He even refused to sit in the car seat. Somehow reached home, I put him to sleep. Even in his sleep, he was crying.

 

Ok now I want to ask u moms who have experienced this.

1. Do u think what I did is wrong - that is I should not have gone in and carried my son, I should have left it like that and he would have stopped crying after sometime.

2. Or do u think the teachers were wrong on their part on not trying to stop the crying kid.

my hsband says that I can't expect the care that I give him at him to be given at day care. I never ever expected that. I know they are not his mom and dad to do that but all I expected was that they try something to stop him crying like give him a book, show him some pics from a book or just give him some toys to post with or something. Even if some kid comes to our home and starts crying, don't we do something to pacify the kid? Is my expectation wrong? My son is not a cranky child, he is a very easy to handle child. They didn't even take an attempt to stop him crying, that's what hurt me a lot.

just coz I stayed there I could see what they did. What if I had left the place? I would not have known what had happened there. When I go to pick up my son after four hours he would have stopped crying, but I would never know that he got tired and lost all his energy and finally stopped crying.

i think I will put my son in another day care after two more months but will it be the same? Are all the day care teachers like this? Am I expecting too much? We are paying a lot of money and can I not expect even this?

My hsband says that if they weren't taking good care of kids they would have gone out of business long back so he feels am wrong in saying that the teachers aren't good. He says that is their way of taking care of kids(letting the kids cry as long as the little ones get tired). I feel no mom or dad would like to send their kids to such a place. May be those moms or dads haven't stayed there to see what's happening.

please correct me if I am wrong and where have I gone wrong.

should I change my attitude and send my son to the same place after two months or should I change the day care?

 

Rihana, thanks a lot for the quick reply. I have written a second part too as I could not write everything in the first post.

I thought I am not going to send him tomorrow coz I just can't bear to see him roaming around crying. Ok as u said I shall send him for another week or two and see how it goes with him as well as the teachers. I shall drop him tomorrow without my husband. I shall follow ur advise and leave the place soon after dropping him.