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Should “ Family” &”friends” Be The Key To Happiness??

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jun 25, 2018.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I feel this question is very important to be addressed.

    Root cause of most people and their sadness is not exactly related to money,career etc. the basic need is family and happiness.Without that one feels INSECURE.

    Many people living abroad including me have mood swings coz we miss our family and friends and of course our motherland. Old age brings loneliness.It is because many do not have their family or friends around.

    It is this “ ATTACHMENT “ which brings sadness.One is scared to die alone or be lonely.

    Please do not confuse this attachment to love and care.

    Honestly,most people seek company for time pass,for the fear of being lonely,security.

    However, life is unpredictable! for someone like me who lived in a joine family,surrounded by friends/acquaintances and everything cut off and coming abroad..the pangs of insecurity comes now and then.A certain fear is caused and makes me seem wrong friendships,tolerate bad mouthing relatives.

    I am sure many are in the same boat in this world.

    How do one find the inner peace and be detached?
     
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  2. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    If you truly find inner peace and detachment then you become Sai Baba.

    It's a state of consciousness.

    You meditate and concentrate on the here and now, that helps you find what you are looking for (how many ppl out of a hundred million achieve this?)
     
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    You are right. We do seek company. We are social creatures after all n need people. Loneliness n lack of socialising can lead to depression.

    Since childhood to now I have moved n lived in different countries n cities (in india). And one thing I have realized, the most important part of living is about
    "how you live" rather than "where you live".

    I learnt this when I was a kid, I moved to a really sober country from an active country. There was this family living there, an old friend of my fathers n they were so happy. I was like how can they be happy here. Then noticed that they have a really good social circle, not many- but enough, part of indian cultural community, n many things like this where that aunt had kept herself busy socially, pot lucks, festivals, no family there- but anything good / bad, they had people to share it with which in turn made their life quality better. They were really happy. N she made it all happen n built a life for her the way she wanted it.

    I am truly grateful to that aunt, because I learnt it from her,
    - that you can make your life better even when it feels like you live in a ghost town.
    - having friends / company, even one, is important wherever you live (it can keep you away from loneliness n depression).
    - Stop blaming your situation / surrounding n go for what you want.
    - n something is impossible only till you see it that way.
    - you can find your happiness anywhere.

    It may sound like gyan. But I learnt from a person who lived by those gyans n made her life better. So since then I have stopped blaming where I live or surroundings rather see how I can make it better for myself. It has truly helped because I feel that our mind fights half the battle. N I have started suggesting to my other friends who move as well.

    Whenever I move again or things gets tough socially I remember these things n shake myself out of it.

    Our reaction to many things are fight or flight, so I dono about inner peace, guess I figured out a way to fight n make this journey bearable.
     
  4. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Reading spiritual books
    Meditation.
    But it is very easy to say but difficult to undergo. Pls have a friends circle or engage in a career. Thought of responding but I can understand that while it is easy to write it is hard to undergo. It is the same for everyone :) as they get aged including me.
     
  5. BiriyaniAroma

    BiriyaniAroma Silver IL'ite

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    Well said. Meditation gives strength of Mind ,wisdom to understand that we have to depend on our own selvess elv on others for peace of mind.

    But the technique one learns at this age must be a non sectarian, non religious one which must be universally acceptable
     
  6. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    There is a saying in Tamil, "Inbamum Thunbamum pirar thara vaara". It means happiness or sadness is not given by others.

    Once we understand that, happiness in life is how we make of it.

    @ashneys said it very well.

    I do not live in a major city. When I came to the US we had hardly 50 Indian families and from all over India. While I missed talking to someone in my mother tongue, I thought "Here I have a golden opportunity to learn about Gujarathi, Marathi, Oriyan, Bengali ... cultures, cuisines." So I have friends from all over India and we share very healthy friendships learning about each other.

    I also made it a point to talk to the local folks and would approach them in grocery stores to ask about some food item and how they used it.

    I would talk to my neighbors to learn about Halloween and Christmas. I volunteered in my children's school so that I can talk to other parents and observe and learn how they bring up their children.

    At that time there was not a single Indian grocery store where I live. We had to drive 200 miles to the nearest major city.
    Only now we get cilantro, mango, and coconut in the local grocery store. Also only about a year ago we have good India grocery store about 30 miles from where I live.

    So I learnt how to adapt the local produce to Tamilnadu cuisine. I experimented with brussels sprouts kootu, asparagus sambar, Kale molakootal, and used collard greens like "agathi keerai"

    The nearest temple is 75 miles and that too was constructed only about 10-15 years ago. So I converted my formal living room into a pooja-music-meditation room. In the early years I would play tapes - you may not even know that such things existed - of slokas, songs, and now we have evolved to using streamed music and you tube..

    There was no Indian TV - Zee TV was available to only those living in big cities, not mine. No personal computers either. We would rent VHS tapes to watch movies. The prints used to be so bad, we would not know who was Sivaji Ganesan and who was Savithri. Only static rain.

    I refrained from comparing US to India. As I mentioned in another post of yours, I always told myself, if US is the same as India, why should we come here. We wanted a change. We made the decision. So I have to make the most of it and get the best out of every situation.

    If we develop an adventurous spirit everything in this world becomes interesting. It is in our hands and all in our mind to get the best out of every situation that life presents us with.

    Family and friends are an integral part of our lives, but they are not key to our happiness. It is only you, not even our spouse or children, but only "you", the inner you, that is key to happiness.
     
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:yes quite true @kkrish . You had discovered that one's happiness is only state of mind which is a process is always inside. I enjoyed reading this crisp narration. let such aunts long live and live long.
    Regards.
     
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  8. HazelPup

    HazelPup Platinum IL'ite

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    poovai, Anisu, BeautifulSmile and 4 others like this.
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:I enjoy watching this man on Tatasky channel Tata guru every evening.
    I like his articulation and rolling eyeballas roving neck and nape. A man of substance at that.
    Thanks and Regards.
    God Bless.
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:YES you are right.
    But this is why a decade and a couple of years ago indusladies website commenced to cater to needs of Indians emigrated to other countries including your geography. You would get useful happy responses from IL' tes living close to your place city or district.
    All the best.
    Regards God Bless Us All Always. :argue:
     

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