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SHE - Episode 10

Discussion in 'SHE - Serial Story' started by varalotti, Jun 28, 2007.

  1. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Actually, that is what exactly I have pointed out. She had an unhappy marriage and looking for a partner again she should be careful as 'once bitten too shy'. Her involvement with Juggi was nothing wrong excepting the live-in arrangement. Was she looking for sexual compatibility?. Again, what if she had married again and then got involved with Juggi and goes for a live-in relationship with him. What happens to the poor husband? I mean these things are also quite possible given her second husband is simple and innocent, but not sexually compatible. Divorcees seeking remarriage is O.K. But, they should be careful in seeking their next partner taking into account what went wrong in the earlier marriage. Coming again to Shalini, if Rishi rectifies his mistakes and seeks reconciliation will she accept him? . My views may not be modern. In my opinion, people who take recourse to live-in relationship as a solution for finding a better relationship may end up hopping from one bed to another only.

    Here are some interesting articles where the 'uncommitted sexual relationships'as in live-in relationship has been found to create several social problems for women.

    Feminist View of Motherhood, Marriage, and Career Hillary Proclaims a Daycare 'Crisis' -- December 1997 Phyllis Schlafly Report

    Regards,

    TDU
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2007
  2. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear, dear TDU,

    Let me rephrase my question. Soon after her divorce with Rishi, if Shalini had married Jaggi and Jaggi was unfaithful to her. What would she do? Thats my question.

    As Kamla and others very eminently pointed out, infidelity hurts, whatever may be the format of relationship - marriage, courtship or live-in. We can say the whole thing happened because of live-in. But there are many men (and women too) who are unfaithful to their spouses while in lawful wedlock. My question is how would Shalini have dealth with that?

    Another issue I want to make it clear. I am not suggesting live-in as an alternative to marriage. I am only suggesting that as an alternative, advanced format of courtship. Live-in is not a permanent solution. If it works they get married; if it doesn't they part that's all. There are many who fall in love with one person and then for various reasons, part and marry somebody else. Live-in is only a more intense kind of such relationship.

    regards,
     
    6 people like this.
  3. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear varalotti,

    Actually I am not much bothered about married people having live -in relatonship. In Tamil we know Chinna veedu. My concern is that young people in India on the threshold of life should not consider live-in as the in-thing today. Our young people are trying to ape the western culture which is certainly not suited for us. In my last post I have given a link to various articles on this subject here in U.S. Since my wife is working in family courts as a lawyer ('India centre for human rigts') I know the divorce cases are increasing in exponential proportion and many girls and ladies are preferring to live without marrying. We are not advancing in civilization, but going back to jungle days where animals mate as and when they like.

    Regards,

    TDU
     
  4. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear TDU,

    Thanks for your informative reply. But my question was, if Shalini, after her divorce, had married Jaggi and then Jaggi was unfaithful to her, what she should do?
    "Chinnaveedu" is again a very shameful aspect of our culture. Letting men keep mistresses while brutally enforcing chastity for women, is something I am unable to understand, much less accept.

    So I go with Bharathi when he said,

    கற்புநிலை என்று சொல்ல வந்தால் அதை இருபாலார்க்கும் பொதுவில் வைப்போம்
    I have great regards for our Indian culture. But certain aspects of it were highly chauvinistic. Chinnaveedu was one such thing. A jeweller I knew kept a mistress who lived in our street. (This was several years ago). The jeweller would stay with his wife and family during the week and come to this mistress during week-ends. That was something I could never digest. Assuming his wife has a similar practice, what would he do? How would the society react?

    This jeweller was highly respected in society. Was in many social clubs and was a trustee in many temples. That is to say he was accepted by the society along with his mistress. I am damn sure if his wife had been unfaithful to him, she would not have been respected even by her family.

    regards,
     
  5. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar,
    I feel sorry for Shalini......she seems to be running after Love and has not been successful till now.....well of course the decision she has taken is the right one. She does not need to forgive Jaggi .....why should she.....will he have accepted her if she had strayed?:evil: And in her case since there are no strings attached, she can very well ditch him....but if she was married and with KIDS.....well there seems to lie the emotional entanglements and knots, which cannot be easily untied....and many cases forces one to stay put in these marriages! Isn't it! Well i know of many cases .....all i can do is emphatise with the women.....:icon_frown:
    ( a similar situation in a recent movie....Life in Metro...talks abt all of these relationships....but a good ending overall!)

    But i wonder what new crisis.....who is this girl? I am waiting.....
     
  6. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sudha,
    You have very aptly expressed the sentiments of a woman over Shalini's decisions. The question you have raised is 100% right. And the smily you have added there is quite frightening. A man seeing that smily (the name smily does not fit here) in his wife's face will never even dream of going astray.

    A search for identity is jumping from one crisis to another. It is not the bed of roses; but a path of thorns. Let's see what Shalini does.

    I will tell you two things Sudha, if you promise me that you wont tell others.

    1. Next episode will be a little shocking. (TDU, you may have to write a poem on the next episode.)

    2. I am planning something even more shocking for my wednesdays thread. Something I have not even told Indhu.

    Are you tensed up? ha ha
    regards,
     
  7. sudhavnarasimhan

    sudhavnarasimhan Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar,
    What is this, ....have you made it life's motto that you will get the ILites more and more tensed up....dont we all have enough to worry abt and get stressed out in real life.....come on .....Haven't we all been such gracious ladies, ? Now be a good sport and ......tone down your serious topics, give us some humour !
    You too think of us poor souls and spare us :tongue Is this a better smily? :wink:
     
  8. Malathijagan

    Malathijagan Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Part 3!

    Dear Sridhar,
    After reading the 10th episode, I thought, how many types of women we can have at the most based on situations.
    1. They become a nervous wreck and lose all their self confidence
    2. They try attempting suicide
    3. They break up the marriage (which is the new trend)
    4. They continue the relationship(though it lacks love) for various reasons-kids, parents sake, society etc
    5. They are shattered but they regain their lost happiness by taking up a cause and seeking joy in it while either continuing to live within the relationship or breaking away from it in a friendly manner.
    6. I have a feeling/hunch Shalini is seeking the last course.
    Two things I couldn't get- Shalini could not take on her husband with as much of tolerance as with Jaggi(when parting company). Could it be that due to her growing age and experience she has gained maturity?
    Another one is that she seemed to have a happy life with Jaggi. Was it because of physical closeness?
    I am waiting for more to come to really understand our heroine. Is she going to be of a new species, not falling into any of the above 6 categories? If that happens, we ladies would be very happy to learn of a new opening!
     
  9. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    When Sridhar Varalotti said that he is starting another serial, I was excited:) Because, I know that along with his story, the feedbacks, the exchange of words and thoughts and the pulse of our community too will be on display for all of us to read, enjoy and contemplate:) And true to my thoughts, it is happening here in full swing:)
    I don't know what I enjoy more, the story or the fbs of the IL'ites ( sorry Sridhar!) ?!
    TDU is quite vocifereous about his thoughts on the live-in relationships. I can understand his concern. At one time and day of my life, I would have strongly supported his views, because I didn't know any better then! Like it or not, I have been exposed to many such live-in relationships and homosexuality etc living abroad and have been trained to understand and accept them with tolerance. Many people I know of, who practice these things, are of course 'foreigners'! Their society has now accepted these set ups without much questioning. Mind you, there is always a bit of skepticism even amongst them about this evolving culture. Hence I can very well understand that we Indians are shocked and refute them.
    But I am grateful to Sridhar for bringing this into his story and let us explore our standing on it. Times are changing. Woman's role in India has evolved since the days of our grandmothers. She is working, earning, home-keeping and raising kids all at the same time. A daunting task. Is she getting recognized for it? Like Sridhar says, why is it okay for a man to keep a chinna veedu or many veedus while the woman has to be a meek and accepting person in her one veedu? She seems to even lose her parents' home after she is married into her hubby's.
    We will all be only stupid to think that things will not evolve along with the roles a woman plays in the society these days. Things will change. It is not a bad thing for us to develop some tolerance and acceptance of such outcomes. When a thing is marked as a taboo, it acquires much more importance in people's minds. It is better not to condemn those who opt for it. Time and experience are bound to erase what is not practical and acceptable.
    But maybe I am dreaming too much of a Shangrila...people seem to accept a man's philandering without even blinking an eyelid, and he has gone ahead and thrived on them:)
    It is my wish too that the man and woman are handled in the same manner where morality is concerned. I loved Sridhar's quote from 'Bharathiyar'. I think women in India have gone enough tribulations.
    Hmm...looks like I have aired a lot of my thoughts aloud here. Excuse me Sridhar for invading your space :)

    L, Kamla
     
  10. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Kamala,

    You are right that I am vociferous about the live-in relationships since I feel that women may fall a prey is such things (a strange concern from a male!. Humourously, I wish I am young and then have these type of relationships like 'If it is Monday it must be Menaka and if it is Tuesday it must be Tara.....').

    Regarding the acceptance of these relationship abroad especially in U.S, I would like to quote this.


    "When the sexual revolution and the feminist revolution blasted into America's social consciousness in the late 1960s and 1970s, the voices raised against them came primarily from older women. Now we are starting to see acute bitterness from the generation that believed the liberationist lies and have discovered that, contrary to feminist ideology, women, indeed, have a biological clock.

    The Independent Women's Forum has just published its Autumn 1997 issue of its Women's Quarterly [SIZE=-1](2111 Wilson Blvd., Suite 550, Arlington, VA 22201, $5)[/SIZE], and it is guaranteed to enrage the feminists. Called "Let's Face It, Girls: The Sexual Revolution Was a Mistake," it levels a broadside attack on the feminists for teaching young women that liberation and fulfillment come from romping around like men in casual sex while building their all-important careers. They are angry because they discovered too late that the cost of uncommitted sexual relationships is that "the window for getting married and having children is way smaller than one can possibly foresee at age 25."

    So, we hear the anguish of babyless fortyish women frustrated by their inability to get pregnant, spending their money and tears on chemicals and on clinics dispensing procedures with high failure rates. They've even realized that a lot of female infertility comes from exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, and that's a high price to pay for those dead-end serial relationships. "

    Regards,

    TDU
     

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