Sharing marital problems with opposite gender friends

Aashu, you have some time to complete the homework reading assignment... just make sure it is done before the party on Tuesday night.

 

yes sure..

 

I would turn to first Ilites, second my female friends because they can understand the situation better than opposite genders. Girls can relate to it where as for guys, I believe they say ' you are making issues out of nothing'. But i had a male Canadian boss who sat down and listened and gave solution to my problem when I was not performing well at work because of marital issues(I was not aware of IL then, If iI knew life might have been a lot better now).

 

Ansuya, survived your post, can i get the cinnamon bun now?

BTW, i never doze off reading your post. You articulate your thoughts very well and i like your writing even if i may not agree with you 100% of the time. I agree with you on this one though.

 

Good to hear. Civil disagreement is the greatest aid to my learning, or at the very least, seeing the world through someone else's eyes, and appreciating the view. Thank you for your kind words, and your honesty.

 

For me, marital problems if shared with a friend then surely it will be a female friend. Guys can be good friends but only for banter and jokes. I am yet to see a guy who thinks that a woman's marital problem can be a serious matter.Most of them has this 'no-woman-can be made happy' attitude that is too infuriating. No offence guys..

 

venting is different from asking for counsel and advice. a good friendship in itself is great therapy. when i call myself a friend, i take it to mean more than exchanging pleasantries and lunching out with them. lending an ear, commiserating are all part of that special relationship called real friendship. at the same time, i have to understand the boundaries and balance that needs to exist to keep it a healthy relationship.

 

For me, I would not be comfortable discussing with either gender. Not even with my female friends.

How come that woman never considered marrying this guy with yellow rose. Was her husband getting her a red rose? On a more serious note, I feel life is larger than marriage. Marriage should not be life itself. Having a life larger than marriage will enable a person to have a healthy balance and also the ability to move on in case the marriage does not work.

btw. I did read through the posts, most women want to share it with women of the same gender because of the comfort level. Most of the posts here are answering the question ' Who are you more comfortable sharing your marital problems ?'

But I guess the question here is - ' Will one invite trouble if marital problems are shared with the opposite gender' . Only one post mentioned the opposite gender brewed trouble. There was another post saying how a male boss was able to address the marital problem of a female subordinate without inviting trouble of any kind. There is equal probability of inviting trouble if marital problems are shared with the same gender (Ex - Sridevi took advantage of trouble between Boney Kapoor and his wife to break their marriage; Sridevi and Boney Kapoor's wife were friends of the same gender)

Ultimately what matters is the equation you share with your friend (irrespective of gender). How much you are able to trust your friend (male or female) to confide your marital problems and get proper solutions to your problem . There is equal chance that a female friend might act like your confidante - still screw up your marriage and use your trust to her benefit.

 

Even I thought of Sridevi, but I assumed it was she who had problems and BK's wife took her home and Sri payed her back by taking him away!!! Recently I saw BK's son on TV and thats when the whole thing hit me. It was really BAD. It definitely reiterates that three is a crowd!!!
when I was newly married, my MIL warned not to spend too much time with a particular friend. Her reasoning was, she was harassed by her inlaws and that might be an influence on me.. I didn't get it then, but now, yes, the person with whom you share your problem is not always neutral. So, one has to be careful.

 

Even we assume we all are broad-minded people, reality is just opposite so the rules can be derived like this

Women --> Women -- Its ok (but at your own risk)
Women --> Man - No (not good for Women)
Man --> Man - BIG NO for both and It never happened (except to a Doctor)