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Sharing Household Chores in Married Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Induslady, Mar 3, 2015.

  1. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    In this day and age, when everything and everyone is in a rush, finding quality time for family needs some "home" work done. In greater number of homes, men have started getting involved in helping with chores and child care. Sharing household chores between the spouses, doesn't just let you finish the tasks soon but it also helps you appreciate your spouse more and reduces stress.

    Next in the series of threads towards the initiative Building Positivity in Married Life forum, is this thread about Tips for Sharing Household Chores with your Spouse.

    You may have an already agreed list of tasks that you both have divided between the two of you or you may both be the kind to just take up and do the chores on a need basis. Whatever be the method, come and share here how you share the household chores with your spouse.

    And if you are one still trying hard to make your spouse get off the couch and help you with the chores, hang on to this thread to find useful pointers.

    Refer this article to get you started: Recipe for a happy married life-sharing of household chores
     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I am glad to share my tips in this very positive and interesting thread here:-

    Both of us are working outside of our home; thus we have a list of agreed-upon tasks in and around the house to do. At the same time, we also casually take up the chore that comes our way at home. Bottom line is that we treat the house and chores as ours.

    After sending all the maids and gardener out due to some unavoidable reason, we decided to do all the chores by ourselves until we feel the need to recruit for help. This is in fact a new start for both, as we always had multiple helpers around the house in the past.

    In the mornings, I start with cooking and cleaning the house. My husband will iron the cloths (of both of us, kids etc..) and my mom will pack the lunches for 3 of us (me, H and son).

    Then, my husband will bathe the kids, mom will put them cloths/cream on them (believe me, it is the toughest task that both of us don't wanna do) and I will feed break-fast to both.

    In the mean time, me and H will take the shower, have our b-fast, and get ready for work.
    H will drop both myself and son at our respective stops (office/school) and mom will settle at house with my DD.

    H will drop back son after his Pre-School and MIL will join the team to help with the kids. Both mom and MIL will feed both kids, and put them to sleep. After that MIL will leave. Mom will take some rest.

    In the eve, H will drive me back from the office.

    I will make tea for all of us. Then we all will spend some nice time together in our garden. Slowly myself and H will start working around the garden such as watering the plants, cleaning, etc..etc.. and kids will play. Mom and/or MIL will supervise them.

    At 6pm, either myself or H will bathe the kids again, put them night cloths, and get ourselves cleaned to spend a few minutes at our prayer room together.

    After that, mom will teach the elder son, where as H will take the little one for a walk in our terrace (his way of baby sitting) and I will start cooking the dinner.

    H will usually feed the son, I will feed the DD and mom will have early dinner with them together. Then, either me or mom will put the little one to sleep. Elder one will have some chat with me and H at the terrace while we have our dinner together. (we don't usually eat at the dining table). Then he will go to his room to sleep.

    Mom will watch her fav soap, we will settle in our bed-room with our TV or iphone for sometimes, but next to each other until we fall asleep. This is basically our daily routine of work at home.

    During week-ends

    I take extra time to teach my son on week-ends. I also apply oil on my kids and bathe them specifically.
    We cook special items and so many dishes on weekend. So, we both cook. There is no restriction as to who cook what. We just cook or help the other.
    I do the laundries, specially my cloths, kids' and mom's on Saturday.
    My husband does it for his cloths of Sunday.

    On Sundays, with less traffic, I do the driving as we go to the church in the morning. In the evenings we visit our relatives, friends or neighbors. Also, after church, we do grocery shopping together.

    As for bills, we pay it on-line most of the times, but if that is not possible then H will take care of it. (he maintains the file)

    As for kids' health, medicine and stuff, I am responsible for.

    H takes kids for park and beaches (if I don't go with them) and I take them to their friends' place, parties etc...

    As for kid's hair cutting and stuff, H is responsible.. But in his absence, I will take care of the work.

    Other than this, for any shopping, visits or party arrangements, we plan it together and take up the tasks as they come.
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Some things to keep in mind -

    There are chores, tasks and responsibilities that are 'invisible' or intangible. Not all tasks and responsibilities can be identified and measured.

    Financial planning, researching things like house buying, insurance. Thinking about child's higher education, socializing, keeping family members on track by reminding.

    Often women end up doing a lot of "managing" for the family. While all are helping, she is 'managing' things in her mind, often even while at work.

    It is not just about chores that take up physical time and effort, it is also about who is spending the mental time and energy on intangibles.

    For the tangibles, I suggest husband and wife actually make a list of what each does - daily, weekly, monthly, annual, at home, outside, on the way from work. Often, this reveals surprising facts.

    I thought packing for vacations was my 'chore' until I realized DH has to research rental car, book good hotel with microwave/fridge, and he has to figure out how to drive a new car in a new place at ungodly hour in new airport. I fell in love with 'packing' :)
     
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  4. brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

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    Waking my DS, Brushing,Bathing , putting cream and clothes are my DH's duty..

    Similarly at night brushing teeth, changing to night clothes and moisturizing are his duty(for my DS)..

    Apart from that we take turns every weekend in cleaning the bath rooms...

    My DH does make bed once in a while..

    He owns the primayr responsiblity of Groceries every weekend(i give the list). 90% of the time i do join him..But the onus is with him...
     
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  5. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    Just listing the daily routine chores.

    Hubby
    -------
    1. Put clothes in Washing Machine
    2. Put dishes in Dishwasher on weekends and on some weekdays when I am busy
    3. Vacuum the house
    4. Clean the garage
    5. Pick and Drop Kid to school
    6. All duties concerned with Finance.. like filing taxes, investments, insurance etc

    Me
    ----
    1. Cooking bkfast/lunch/dinner/snacks etc
    2. Clean the washroom / Toilets
    3. Dust the house
    4. Press the clothes and arrange in closet
    5. Kid studies / Hygiene


    The rest like purchasing groceries , planning vacation , kids health..etc.. we do it together..
     
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  6. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Well said, @Rihana.

    My DH keeps me carry free, stress free in our life and that's all it matters to me.

    What chores.....I am not worried about doing physical work at home. 'veedae sorgam, vasale vaigutham, avrae perumal' - It's my house, my family and he is my universe.
     
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  7. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    Lucky husband...avrae Perumal.... Hmmmm...
     
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  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    Wow! Your DH has no idea how lucky he is, maybe we should tell him!
     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    I really thought this is "My wife is an excellent woman.." thread. :oops: Unusual to see two positive threads on same day in Reln forum. :)

    I hope IndusLady won't mind this little detour, but can't resist to comment on your post, poovai.

    "Stress free" - what a beautiful compliment and state to be! We have that tranquility too.. not that it happened overnight. He keeps me stress free in some things, and likewise I. Rather than sharing chores, it is sharing responsibility and having full confidence in the other person's ability, commitment, judgement and sincerity of effort.

    It takes lot of confidence and sheer love to say 'veedae sorgam, vasale vaigutham, avrae perumal' - It's my house, my family and he is my universe.' To tell the truth, that is my modern-yet-traditional take too, but I don't announce it much. : )
     
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  10. preethiitech

    preethiitech Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    We don't have a clear listing of who does what..

    Dh , if around, helps to be around DD.. That is the most difficult work! Help to brush her teeth will by itself take more than half an hour, and a few tears and fights.. So he helps me to his best in that..:hide:

    Then I will do the cooking, cleaning, washing vessels.
    Laundry is done during weekends

    Shopping, Planning, Preparing for vacations we do together.

    Space to do what I want; when I want; and delegate if I want when I want to do so is our best strategy that works well.. Dh would just accept me and my thoughts!hugsmiley What more bie1
     
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