Share What Worked For You To Love A Possible Future More Than Hate Your Certain Past

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SuiDhaaga, Jul 18, 2023.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    We all struggle with bad memories

    How do you move past the bad experiences and open your heart for possible, bright future

    Tagging @anika987 @Aarushi
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    By taking responsibility for my current actions. I used to be full of pity and self-righteous outrage at some real or perceived injustices from long ago. A good friend once rather bluntly told me to stop wallowing. Her words pricked me for a while but I did see the wisdom in them. I figured out a way of self-acknowledging the past without letting it overshadow the beautiful present and the incredibly kind and generous people in my life.

    I've found these two quotes useful and they show up in my FB feed with remarkable regularity. :hmmm:

    responsible.png

    healing.png
     
  3. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    I like the “ if you don’t heal you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you”

    when I get upset about past I try to tell myself to stop because God has given me a way out (whether it is my wishful thinking or whether it is Hand of God), certain facts remain true (cannot go into details about a person tight now)

    I’m sure many people struggle with this

    also when one door closes another door opens, but we look too long at the closed door we forget about the open doors
     
  4. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    This is exactly what I wanted to do. Open the door for the future.

    Ruminating about the past and my decisions again and again, I have lost the mind space in my brain to think of all the good things that ever happened to me. I wonder how can brain and thoughts work that way. Why is our brain getting attracted to the negativities of the past rather than the positives of the past?

    For every bad incident in my life, god has blessed me with four good things and still, I keep thinking about what incidents/situations went wrong, that did not go how I expected them to be, and end up getting frustrated. This frustration keeps accumulating and one fine day explodes in the form of anger.

    For some people, realization comes at the speck of a moment. For some, rigorous efforts are required to see a difference. I belong to the second category. So, for people like me how much ever we try, the change doesn't happen overnight. Therapy definitely works and so is breathing and meditation. Consistency is the key here. I tried AOL's happiness program and felt so much at peace and detoxified. For that one week, when I practiced all their techniques, I felt really good and under control. I thought that I am healed for life and it's going to be the next chapter in my life. But, Alas! When I returned back to my normal routine, I failed miserably when I stopped practicing their lessons. I am back to a much worse pit!!
     
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  5. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    When a catastrophe shattered our lives at home (in 2013 - I still have nightmares at the thought) - it went on for a full year!

    I promised myself on the 2nd day - that come what may, I will not lose courage.

    I decided that I will not expect others to help me with "unsaid" things - whatever I need, I will ask openly and if I dont get, no complaints, I will manage ! Friends and relatives helped by just being there.

    I started celebrating small victories and light-hearted joys and got our happiness back - slowly - it took us time, effort, commitment, patience and grace of God.

    I used to allot 1 hour everyday to worry - every single day - between 5am and 6am, I allowed myself to worry, think negative, wonder about adverse consequences if everything went wrong, what is the worst that could happen and let myself shed a few tears too.
    The rest of the day, I would go about my work, make things better - it was action oriented - I did not allow a single negative thought!
    I kept smiling, encouraging and was present in the present.

    It took us 6 months to see some positive results and 1 year for our lives to get back to normal.

    But even after 10 years, internally, we all still struggle to get over those memories, but I dont wallow.
    When I do remember, I give 10 seconds for the angst but then get over it. And I always thank God that all is well.

    Keep smiling
    HR
     
  6. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    AOL?

    I've heard of AOL groups when I go to logon page. Perhaps I shall search that

    AOL Happiness Program

    You are right, realization comes with rigorous efforts

    It is good that for one bad incident God blessed you with 4 good ones.

    My sadness blinds me to the good that God has blessed me with. Then i have to scold myself.

    Now I tell myself, "do you want to bleed on so-and-so person if God ever bought you together"

    It is a really tough battle indeed!
     
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  7. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    These nightmares never go away.

    Someone says time heals all wounds - I don't think he was ever a daughter-in-law, esp an Indus daughter-in-law (based on the horrible and sad experiences I read about about body being defiled, mind being played with, and soul being wounded by a male and his family who promised to take care of you )

    It is fortunate you had friends and relatives help just by being there.

    Wow, you set aside time for worry. I think that's a great idea! Just to get it all out.

    My anger and sadness seep in during the morning, and esp when I am doing heavy exercise.

    Setting aside time in morning for all the bad thoughts is good. i shall try that.
     
  8. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    @SuiDhaaga if you have the time and if the AOL center is in proximity you can definitely give it a try..Even Isha yoga centre also gives a similar course called, "Inner Engineering". But we have to be consistent and practice what we learn there for those 7 days.

    Time never heals any of our wounds. We just learn to live with it...The people in our life, our relationships play a very important role in helping us to make the pain bearable. But, if we are with the wrong set of people, salvation would become a distant dream. Our mind can never rest in peace. Its a well-known advice, "Stay away from toxic people". If your own family member be it wife, husband or PIL are toxic, then how could one stay away? We have to live with that toxicity till we gather enough courage to get out of it. But the price we need to pay for the exit is hefty and that is why many men and women are stuck in unhappy relationships. How could they even think of a bright future? Life appears gloomy and is lived for the sake of kids.

    We sometimes underestimate the power of our own imagination. Sometimes, I purposely start daydreaming when I start becoming gloomy and it also helps me to a certain extent to think about a brighter future.
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    After reading your post, I pat myself on the back and said "girl, you made it".

    Looking back, a decade ago.... I was at my deathbed following a foolish attempt to commit suicide!
    I became a burden to my FOO, after having lost everything I earned due to my blind trust on my spouse. I was jobless, had no penny in hand, but I had the fullest responsibility of taking care of my newborn son as a single mom that time.

    Fast forward to today, I am here, happily living with my family in a foreign land, settled in my career, have a social status and being able to support several members of my extended family.

    This journey was tough, but it made me an excellent sailor who could successfully handle a rough sea.

    What worked for me?

    Definitely I did not complain, I did not fall into the self pity mode and I did not look for sympathy. Instead, I accepted my situation. I accepted it wholeheartedly.

    I know life is not equal to everyone. But it is fair to all.
    Different people have different problems at different times. But their experiences will be the same.
    For some, a wonderful childhood, but a bad marriage. For others, a wonderful marriage but problems with their children. Some are blessed with excellent career, while others are blessed with a healthy life. Some has wealth, others have supportive relationships. Some have children and the happiness that come out of it, while others have happiness from something else.
    To each their own. But, everyone will have their own rainy days. Some chose to walk in it, while others just get wet.

    The moment you take responsibility of the problem in your life is the moment you can change anything in life. Because life is short. We don't have to wait until we are on our death bed to realize, how much of our precious life is wasted in negativity.

    When one door closes, look at the other door, widows and any other open holes in the house. You are the manager of your own thoughts. Do not let others, especially the toxic people in your life have influence in your own thought process!
     
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  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    This (i put in bold) struck me between the eyes

    I had to read it several times.

    I guess if we are in toxic situation we should daydream about good, instead of ruminating about how angry we are at people, and what they did, and how we would have put them in their place (even if it means escalating the situation)
     

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