Setting Healthy Boundaries

Dear @Viswamitra

At a time when we have fresh incursions in Kashmir and border clashes at Garewal along LAC WITH China, I assumed from the title of the post that you have posted that it is a narrative on Boundary dispute India faces since independence with its nuclear-armed neighbours.

2. What a wonderful meaningful take on boundary sine qua non in relationship .
I agree that to lead a dignified life and to command respect, one must strive to set a tight boundaries or call it outer limits of tolerance . It means one can enlarge clients or friend’s circle subject to their liking and respecting his or her boundaries.

3. your post has generated wonderful musings each of which has to be studied to grasp; mere reading - it goes over my head. Yes. I read it couple of times which implored me to google for related information. I chanced upon the link*which interalia gives a blueprint as to how to go about setting one’s boundaries that keeps mental strength intact.

* How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples + PDF Worksheets

4. I have gone through the interesting feedbacks which has the effect of expanding one’s ideas and other possible angles to boundaries for self vis a vis kith and kin.

At certain times boundaries - read separating lines - gets blurred. That is when love is blind.

Boundary wall is solid. But when their garden and coconut trees spoil neighbours‘ foyer or facade the neighbours get embittered. My gardener goes to neighbour‘s to clear the mulch or foliage fallen there from our side and vice versa. With this understanding our friendship is on even keel!

This reminds me of Diplomats employed in embassies and consulates in other Nations where they would say “No” meaning yes and vice versa.

But parallels meet only at infinity!

But my mom would begin the sentence with yes though the following words she utters would tell the opposite. Late CM Kamaraj used to say “ஆகட்டும்- பார்க்கலாம்”(OK Let me See) wherever he means “ No”.

In certain circumstances ambivalence in expression is a great blessing or and saviour. One may have mixed feelings blurring the line between a Yes & No.

It is also applicable with equal force between spouses.

The
The future for your grandson is great. He is upcoming Diplomat.

 

Thank you Viswa for your nice explanation.
jayasala42

 

Dear Viswa,

Kudos to a well analysed, researched and erudite write up, which by no means is an easy task to understand, for rusted brainy folks like me. The only boundaries I have known were those of my cricket crazy fan- none but my DH who always crazily shouted day and night during any cricket match, between those fours or sixes!

Your write up has opened up new vistas in looking up at boundaries in personal relationships, friendships etc. But we the women have always been brain washed by our parents to be subservient, through out our lives, no questions asked, blindly obey, be it parents, teachers or DH or in laws. We never knew for a long time under what kind of an abusive relationship we were in because we never were made to realise our self worth or respect.
It’s only through experience in life, as we age, that we realised the value of boundaries and then slowly had the courage to say no. But by that time already much water had flown down the bridge.
Yes, the future generation is smart and know the boundaries right from the time of their birth! Thank you for a thought provoking write Up!

Agatha83

 

I liked this plain response and your views on the gulf between present and past generations about limitations and realisations of necessity of boundaries.

2. The idea of cricket boundary crossed my mind yet I left it as OP was not referring to sports. Person or group or club a kind of boundary is always needed for achieving goal or and carrying the agenda. The only exception seemed to be Political parties where disgruntled elements often cross boundaries seemingly fixed.
Thanks and Regards.

 

Dear Thyagarajan,

The only thing I knew about the word boundary was that of one I heard frequently during the running cricket commentaries, courtesy my DH, about which I have mentioned here. I never set boundaries for me, when it came to relationships, be it friends, in-laws, children or household helps. I was there for them , whenever they needed me, whatever may be the situation, resulting in losing my precious me time and in the process, making a laughing stock of me.

It was when I crossed the sixties, it was my DD who is settled abroad, during one of her visits home, made me realize what a pathetic sight I presented. At that time my bed ridden mom was having complete control of me , due to which I was losing my mental balance. With no therapist to guide me, I came out on my own from those tight clutches, people close to me were having on me.
People without any principle can cross all the boundaries, without having any fear of God or anything else! Hope I have clarified whatever doubt you had in your mind when you posted this comment here.
Viswa’s writing is of such high standards, that it needs a lot of brains and time and to understand it, even though he has presented it in a simple easy to understand language!

Agatha83

 

Yes. Yes. I agree in toto. @Viswa’s post as usual insightful , propels and impels one to google to find more of the nectar.
I had spent nearly twenty minutes or so with this post of His to have a semblance of understanding and referred to a link that describes ten methods of fixing boundaries in personal life.
Thanks and Regards.
God- His boundaries at infinity.