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Self Harming Behavior

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sweety127, Jun 30, 2023.

  1. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I had been visiting counselors and practicing meditation to soothe my distressed mind. While counseling did not help much, pranayama helped me a lot... However, of late, I observe that I get triggered by the slightest of provocations...I escalate it and end up hitting myself. Things turned out worse a few days back when I harmed myself and had injury marks because of that. My counselor says that it's because of extreme stress managing the home and hyperactive kids. She suggested I do a box relaxation technique but when I lose my temper, I could see a wave of emotion engulfing me within microseconds, and start harming myself. I am scared that this is the starting stage of depression...I don't have friends, I stay away from my parents. My life revolves around my kids and job. MIL and H stay with me and support me with day-to-day chores. But apart from that, I don't have anything to look forward to at the end of the day. No hobbies, no vacations literally nothing..I am not sure whether I will even sail through this inexplicable darkness that is slowly tormenting me
    Nothing is helping me...My H knows my state of mind to some extent and tries to reassure me..Is there any way out? Have you ladies ever been put in similar situations?
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I would recommend that you visit a psychiatrist. A therapist or counselor cannot do medical evaluations or prescribe medicines but a psychiatrist can, and might be the next step if your current therapies are not helping.
    In the meanwhile try to see if you can cultivate a small and simple hobby. Adult coloring books can be a good stress relief, for example. Or even just make a habit of taking a brisk walk everyday, at the same time.
     
    Ragavisang, KashmirFlower and hrastro like this.
  3. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    In addition to the advice by @MalStrom , Get your Blood tests done - Hormones, Blood Pressure, sugar levels and even eye checkup (not joking!) - sometimes these health issues reduce our abilities to react and respond rationally!
     
  4. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Your issue is deep. You may need medication and suppliments. First do, a blood work. Check vitamin D and thyroid etx..These issues alone can create issues like depression, anxiety, irritability etc. Start a multi vitamine. A healthy mind needs a healthy body. Address this issue first. If you still feels bad, consult clinical psychologist.Ayurvedic medicine like aswagandha can help to relax.

    Also, every day make efforts to have atleast 30 minutes of 'me time'. Do something that you enjoy. Go to bed relaxed and focus on good sleep. All the above combinations can help you.
     
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  5. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    @sweety127 I feel horrible for the hell you are going through. Are you sure it's not people you are surrounded by, not so much your kids?
     
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  6. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    op

    you are overwhelmed with work responsibilies and stressed. Try to outsource whatever you can. start writing journal or diary to vent out your frustration. take good sleep everyday, eat healthy food, meditate more. This shall pass. May be this is phase, stay strong.
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  7. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    Why no vacations and nothing to look forward to?

    If you don't give yourself opportunity to take breaks and do something fun, you will breakdown and no one is an exception.

    Taking medicine for this should be the last resort.
     
    SuiDhaaga likes this.
  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Dear @sweety127
    You only need to free up your mind and learn to hobnob. Ignore small things . Try to befriend and enlarge friends’ circle of good friends and well wishers. Without vacation millions of couples manage to enjoy life and wedded women riding & balancing two horses at the same time perfectly - I mean hearth and office.

    You seem to be an introvert. Be an extrovert for a while and observe what difference dies it cause to your demeanour. Radiate cheer & cordiality all around. Love yourself. Enjoy a hobby. Watch cartoons. Read comics.

    Nearing or around forty, do check up hormones level.

    Regards.
    God Bless.
     
    Ragavisang likes this.
  9. Ragavisang

    Ragavisang Gold IL'ite

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    Though it looks cliché , I want say this to you.

    "Watch your thoughts; they become words.
    Watch your words; they become actions.
    Watch your actions; they become habits.
    Watch your habits; they become character.
    Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
    Don’t beat yourself too much dear. As other Ilites suggested pl run all the tests to make sure everything is okay. Better go to a Psychiatrist who can prescribe medicine rather than psychologist who cannot. My personal experience with Psychiatrists were good. I don’t want to wallow in painful buried experience in my life but I can give you a gist. My story was more or less like Ayothi tamil movie , at the age of 18 I was around 500 kms away from hometown. Extremely attached with my dad ,whenever I cry of homesick Dad appears next day to my hostel. One weekend My dad came to see his little princess wth the fractured elbow for treatment suggested by doctor from hometown in the city where I was studying . It was a simple day surgery ( so he came with his friend who had personal work in the City) turned into a nightmare. It was a Sunday my non tamil speaking friend joined me that evening, but now hubby then my friend went with his dad on pilgrimage trip. So he was not around. That evening hell broke loose my dad was gone (heart attack) and I was alone I called my professor for help and some one arranged Ambulance and 500 kms drove with my dad hoping praying crying my dad would wake up somehow. But that unbearable pain caused severe trauma / depression and with the help of my friends and Psychiatrists and especially with the support of my husband I recovered some how . So my suggestion is please see a psychiatrist and my prayers are with you.
     
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  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel sorry for you and you have a disastrous self-worth. You don't think much of your value to the family. You need to work on your self-esteem and self-worth. Harming yourself is an indication that you don't value yourself well. From what you said above, I hope no one else is making you feel that way and it is your own making.

    You need to understand if the children are screaming and making the house clumsy, please understand that is normal and it has nothing to do with your upbringing or your parenting. Please take it off the table that it has nothing to do with you and it is normal for any child.

    At least write as many times as possible in a notebook that you are invaluable. This will work on your subconscious mind well. Affirmations work well in real life.

    If you have work related stress, please make sure that it is not carried home. It is common for anyone to make mistakes at work or even fail to meet the targets. Relax and take it easy even if you couldn't finish your daily routines at work.

    I am glad your family members help you perform chores at home. Even if their body lanugage question your self-harming attitude, please ignore it and keep reminding you, you are made for a purpose and you have a lot more to achieve in your life.

    Take the help of a Psychiatrist to discuss how and when you get triggered to self-harming mindset. Please discuss the history of your past life in detail and since when you started self-harming yourself. This will help you unfold the root cause of this problem. All negative emotions will be released either through medication or repeated discussions with the Psychiatrist. This ideal to consult a physician is because sometimes, family members may not be able to receive what you share with them well and help you recover.

    Please take all labs to ensure that your vitals are normal. If you are already taking medications for depression, please discuss it with your physician whether these medicines could cause more such tendencies to harm yourself.

    Depression is just a term for the mind that makes you thing you are not worth anything. Many of us either thing we are too small or too big even without any trigger. Don't worry about getting into depression as it is just a symptom of your mind crying for help. Please reaffirm again and again you are going to be alright multiple times a day.

    Please remember your children are precious and they need you to be happy always. Their childhood is not going to continue for long and it is an important task in your hands to make them enjoy their childhood.

    If vacation is never planned due to too much at home, plan one and move away for at least a week from your current envirnment. This might help. Make it a habit to go out with your husband and have dinner just two of you as frequently as possible.

    Develop a hobby that would help you focus on something else when you are overwhelmed with a trigger. Diverting the mind is a good practice for overcoming self-harming attitude.

    I wish you well and hopefully, you will enjoy your life to the fullest extent soon. Self-love is #1 priority for you at this point and then only your love for your family and children will materialize to the fullest extent.
     

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