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Self appraisal for kids!

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by flysauc, Jan 11, 2013.

  1. flysauc

    flysauc Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Everyone!

    I have a 8 yr old son , who is bright and smart at the same time very easy going .
    We live in a strong indian dominated commuinty where self appraisal of their own kids is a norm and fashion too... Most of the parents always tries to tell each other how bright and smart their kids are, Its a constant competition right from activity classes to the kind of dress they wear or gadget their kids have.

    Me and my husband are never in the habit of going and telling people about how our child is or what awards he got in school (it doesn't come to us.... though we do applaud him personally on his achievement and encourage him a lot). We don't do the lobbying thing for him.

    My son of-late has been feeling very bad saying his parents never praise or tell good things about him in front of others ! We did try explaining him saying it doesn't matter ..... but he says "how does XYZ mom always praises about him in parties and tells all good things about him

    I am at loss of words in front of him ..... Please suggest. How do i explain it to him?
     
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  2. Absum

    Absum Silver IL'ite

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    I am impressed with you and your husband's outlook. It is not always easy to swim against the tide, and think for yourself. I think your ability to consider the typical behavior of your peers in a critical fashion is a valuable skill to have, and to pass on to your child.

    The first thing I would explain to your son (who also sounds like an intelligent and observant chap - clearly, he is following your example) is that there's a difference between bragging, and praising. Bragging is bad manners. No one likes a show off. There's a time and place to announce and celebrate our victories and achievements. Loudly proclaiming them to all and sundry at social events, out of context and without reason, is just boasting for its own sake.

    However, you should praise your son, and let him hear it, at the right times. Family and close friends would enjoy hearing about his achievements, and if they congratulate him personally for those (as opposed to congratulating you), your son's need to be recognized would be met. Explain to your son that you prefer to keep your family business private, and that broadcasting (even good) news indiscriminately does not appeal to you. However, reassure him that you are proud of him. You just choose not to show your pride like his peers' parents might, because modesty and humility are important qualities to develop, too.

    It is said that "pride comes before a fall". This is the risk that a person takes when he or she is not prudent with who knows his or her family business. In my opinion, it is better to exercise discretion about achievements, so that when things are perhaps not going so well, there is no pressure to continue revealing all, to all. It helps, also, if you keep quiet, to avoid the pitfalls of constant competition and one-upmanship. While it is good for children to compete in a healthy and productive way, it is not desirable for that competition to become the driving force that motivates them.

    One day, I am sure that your son will appreciate your consideration in this matter. Teenagers are notoriously private and tend to resent it when their parents crow about them to others. I think if you talk to him with respect and honesty now, he will understand your position. And if he still doesn't agree, that's okay. After all, there's nothing stopping him from telling people what he's done, and how proud you are of him.

    Good luck!

    P.S. If you really live in Hawaii, I am green with jealousy (except for my toes, which are blue with frostbite).
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2013
    4 people like this.
  3. flysauc

    flysauc Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Absum , U caught me on the Hawaaiii thingie.... :) Loved ur humour.

    Loved ur way of explaining it. It felt so good to know that we are on right track... coz somewhere i was feeling maybe i am not encouraging him the right way.

    I am just going to follow word by word and talk to him. Thanks once again
     
  4. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    if even the child is pointing out at your lack of praising him publicilythen you need to start NOW..........don't keep on & on about his accomplishments but make it a point to praise his one or two activities within his hearing...
     

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