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Secretiveness

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by smart_soul, Dec 18, 2009.

  1. smart_soul

    smart_soul Bronze IL'ite

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    Why do people keep things so secretive even with the closest of their friends?

    I recently came across one such situation where one of our closest friends(A) kept things absolutely secret from us. I came to know about it from some other sources(B) and I was/am still very disappointed, for we(A and me) talk for hours every week and meet very often. We are their well wishers and they know that. And there is no way that we would be jealous of them and they know that very well.

    Ladies.. pour your thoughts and experiences..
    • Was I considering them too close when they were not?
    • Was my expectation wrong?
    • Should I take this as a lesson to keep distance from them?
      Or what other such........
    SS
     
  2. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Smart Soul,
    Sorry to hear about this hurtful incident.

    Please first confirm the facts and make sure that source B has conveyed 100 % truth and is not spreading rumours knowingly or unknowingly.

    Sometimes when there is good news, people act weird and secretive probaby under pressure or wrong advice from spouse / friends / family members back home about jealousy or evil eye etc etc.

    Take this as a lesson and you also be careful. Sometimes when we tell everything about our personal life, we automatically assume that it is only fair that they are 100% transparent with us.

    But they might be getting the wrong idea that we are blabber mouths. So they will cut info from us fearing possible leaks. And people will talk to us only to gather info if they think that we are 100% open.

    Try to analize. You mention that you meet and talk very often. How much do you talk and how much does "A" talk. Is there equal transfer of information.

    Also it will do you good to reduce your expectations about people (close friends or relatives or sibling....anyone). Easier said than done. Everyone is selfish and everyone hides something or the other from others. We all are flawed.

    It hurts a lot when we find out that those we considered to be close friends never considered us to be close to them. Had one such experience a couple of years back. I know the pain. Not only with them, it is better to analyse your relationship with everyone around you once in a while to make sure there is equal emotional involvement.

    Maintain a cordial relationship with them. No use confronting them or distancing yourself from them or complaining abt them to mutual friends. They might think that you are jealous and that they were right in the first place.

    Instead act in a matured manner that they regret hiding this from you. You did enjoy your time with them for so long. So forgive them and move on but reduce your expectations. This confident and mature behaviour might change them and make your relationship stronger after sometime. Remember every relationship has ups and downs.

    Just my two cents.
    Good day dear.
     
  3. Pavarun

    Pavarun Silver IL'ite

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    Not knowing the specifics such as the magnitude of the change/news in A's life, are they equally close to you and B, if they used to share everything before and was this the first/only such incident etc it is very difficultto comment or draw conclusions. However there is nothing wrong in not wanting to share everything, even with close friends. I frequently do not share many aspects of my life with family (parents, in-laws, siblings, cousins etc) or friends. Life need not be an open book.
     
  4. roopahari

    roopahari New IL'ite

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    Hi Smart Soul,
    I totally agree with Epandian. I have been in your shoes, and know how it feels like. We learn to be wiser with experiences. Its not easy not having expectations from people. I don't know why close friends would think we would be jealous of them. Maybe its all about feeling insecure......
     

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