Second Child After Infertility Treatment...

anayasree · Jan 10, 2019

Hi all,

I had my first child thru IVF. I am in my mid thirties and everyone around is asking me about second child. Forget about the society, I myself want to have a second child so much. But we dont have enough funds to go for another round of IVF. Chances of natural conception is very slim. In this situation how do I convince myself that having an only child is not that bad? I remember those days when I was waiting for the first IVF results with bated breath. It was a miracle I conceived with my first IVF itself. I used to think all I need was a baby, and I wouldnt ask God for more. Now I cant help think my kid wont have a sibling and feel sorry for myself. I should actually be feeling blessed with His mercy, as I really dont have any issue for now and my TTC struggles ended positively with a healthy baby. I also understand how selfish I must be. But I cant help it. I am not sure what I am looking for here. Both my husband and I are single kids, we live far away from parents, so it would be lovely if my kid had a sibling. Please tell me how to come out of this self pity, when I have everything else I could ask for.

Looking for ladies who had their first child thru some fertility treatment. How do you cope up with the thought that your child may never have a sibling? I dont want to hear things like second child may conceive naturally, etc. The chance of that happening is so low I dont even wanna hear anyone say it. It depresses me further.

ashneys · Jan 11, 2019

Speaking only from “having another kid” Point, if you guys are mentally open for adoption, your kid may have a sibling n you another child. I know this doesn’t suit everyone but just putting this option also out there.
I have some friends who have their first biological child n second adopted due to this same reason as well.

Financially speaking, will saving work ? Like how people put a fixed amount of money every month for Jewellery, house, etc. The only challenge is that it may take some time, maybe even a few years, but at the end you get what you want.
Don’t worry about the age gap or your age, as long as you are ‘pregnancy handling healthy’, you can do it at 40 too.

About coping with an only child, few ideas are:
you can convince yourself that this way you will give “the best” to your child.
N you will be there for the child as a friend too.
N many more pros you can come up with about a single child’s life.
N focus on not thinking another child rather focus on your only child. Think that you are taking the present time away or not giving your 100% for the child when you dwell on this.
Distract yourself whenever your mind goes back to it, write a ‘grateful’ diary n read it whenever you feel down.
People have different modes like movies, music, dance, running, meditation, outings, social gatherings, etc that works for each one to calm down, try yours as a way to calm too.

anayasree · Jan 11, 2019

Thank you so much for taking your time to reply. About adoption, we have talked about it. But there are some visa issues, so I am not sure.

Yeah, we could save, but my age and uncertainity that it would work doesnt help. Grateful diary is a good idea. Will try to implement it. Thanks again for your suggestions.