I was just curious, so writing this to get an opinion. I have a relative who has put her 17 month old in school. A renowned school in Chennai. The school started in June. As per the school policy, the child will be taken from the parents from the car. No walking in, no holding hands for sometime till the child gets used to the new people. This child cries from drop off to pick up. I felt sad on hearing this. Is it not traumatic for a child to be pushed with a stranger suddenly? Has anyone had this experience Regards Uma
Actually it doesnt matter if they are not allowed into the premises There might be parking issues and/or safety issues involved or some other infrastructure problems too, you cannot blame the school for this policy. Whatever a parent does at the entrance, they can do the same in the car too. Or at home. So many students go in school bus too, the Goodbyes happen at home. In your relatives' case - instead of the teacher "taking" the child, I feel it is better that the child goes to the teacher on his own - the child needs to be persuaded to go to the class If the teacher "snatches" the child or the parent "leaves" before the kid enters the class - it is the teacher taking or the parent leaving the child "alone" Instead -> If the child leaves after saying bye - it is the child leaving, so he doesn't feel "left" alone as the child was the one who left. One solution for the initial days is to have someone else drive while one parent talks through the journey till they reach the school. Also, keep the goodbyes quick Keep smiling HR
Dear Hrastro, Thank you for your reply. What you are saying is correct. There needs to be some time for the teacher, the parent and the child to become comfortable. My concern was that, the child has never seen anyone going to school. He does not know what school is, as most children this age would not know. He still cannot talk. So I felt there should be a little time given for the child to know the teacher. I was not comfortable with the idea of the teacher just taking away the child on day 1 without any previous interaction.
17 months is a daycare, right? This is strange to me too but my niece and nephew went to preschool in Bangalore from age 3 onwards, where parents were not allowed into the building so the system might be different in India. Maybe the insurance and liability issues are different. If the child is going away from home for the first time then it will take time to get settled. In my area in the US except for Covid time the daycares for kids all have an open door policy. Parents are welcome to drop in any time without notice and they also encourage breastfeeding mothers if they want to come during the day.
If the child is still distressed, maybe during weekend, the parent can walk around the area and point out to the kid - thats your school, this is where you play, there are lots of toys inside and such encouraging words and maybe take the child to the park later Associate good things with the place
Dear Malstro, Thanks for your reply. It is not a daycare. It is a school. This school has no open policy. No cameras where parents can see what their child is doing. And at 17 months to handover the baby to a stranger can be traumatic for a child. Regards Uma
Dear Hrastro, Yes they can do that. I feel the child is too small to understand this At 3 when I send my kid to school, she did cry for a week. But she understood that she was going to school. I feel there is an age for everything. To get the child to feel comfortable, he should be sent to a day care and then progress to school.
I know that our motherly instincts will get triggered when we see this for a child! But why do we think that the mother of the child (or father for that matter) will not care about the child when as strangers we care so much? My observations from your OP: 1) It is a relative who has not asked for advice. 2) You have no control over their decisions AND you can not even reduce the child's trauma by advising something as they have not asked for advice. 3) You are curious, yes? So, the answer is - yes it is happening, a 17 months old child is being sent to school! Yes, That means there is a school for a 17 month toddlers! Yes, the schools have such policies Yes, the child goes through some trauma (I remember I cried more after he left when my son started play school!) But it is the parents decision and it is the parents who handle the trauma - each parent probably is trying MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE than the best they are capable of doing for their kids - so I would not question their decisions! I would question the rat race that we are all running! Where are we running? Why are we running? Is there an end to the rainbow? Or are there really just rats there? Keep smiling HR
Spouse & I, on our way to SIES school at Matunga. It i s day one . Parents allowed to drop the toddlers at the doorstep of the class room that is filled up with innocuous articles of various shapes and toys including tricycles. Wall surface with paintings of cartoon characters from Walt Disney including Micky Mouse, fruits and flowers and chimes. Inside at one corner there were board table low bench & desks . Few dynamic toddlers rush to either pick up the toys or tricycle. Many were crying looking at class room doorstep which is closed. Parents were sneak peeking through large side windows. Lobby was airy. Some toddlers seen hug each other exchanging toys. Some cry looking at each other. Young lady teacher trying her best to make them feel at home but voice of crying in varying amplitudes continued to be heard. An hour later the classroom doors opened. Many rushed in and out in confluence and our daughter was found rushing to us with open arms . Quite a spectacle which still stay in our memory. Contrasting with this in Japan the class room for toddler and kids is a huge hall. Mechanical devices in the shape of animals and real machines, mini play ground etc and innocuous tools filled all over the hall. Toddlers have freedom to and pickup what they want and play. On close circuit tv parents can watch their ward and experts study which kid has innate talent for what and those specially gifted kids are identified for training .
