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Save The Mother ... Or The Wife ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Amulet, Jan 29, 2019.

  1. Jan 29, 2019 #1
    Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    That question was (allegedly) on a law school test in China, and the ones who chose wife got the wrong answer !!

    This video says that "eastern" cultures value their family higher than any new relationships (like marriage) they get into. The commentator goes on to advise the viewers to think hard before going ahead to marry a foreigner from Asia. Is this advice relevant to our American Born Children thinking about marrying a first generation desi immigrant ? I thought it was.

    Watch the video and tell us what you think.

     
    Amulet, Jan 29, 2019
    Amulet, Jan 29, 2019
    #1
    Sunshine04 likes this.
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  2. Jan 29, 2019 #2
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Not sure if you are looking for light-hearted responses only. The first response in a thread can be like that first follower a new leader gets. Key to set the trend. : )

    First off, the guy is so personable, I watched the entire video, even went back a few times. But why does he deliver it all walking? And, how they record it so steadily? GoPro?

    You have posed a good question and a good extrapolation of what he said. My opinion is that, in the Indian family scenario, any girl who is smart, educated, financially independent, in a satisfying career, to an extent knows what she wants from life in the next 5-10 years, such a girl (an American friend always corrects my 'girl' to 'woman'), such a woman should kiss a good number of frogs before deciding to marry.

    What I am saying is - the caution to avoid someone who holds family more important than spouse applies to any smart, educated and independent Indian-origin woman, living in India or elsewhere. It takes some maturity, experience and instinct to differentiate between a man who is close to his family and cares deeply about them versus a man for whom family will always come first.

    The question of whom will you save - mother or wife/gf, is silly. We need another set of questions, such as:
    you have only two tickets to a show, whom will you take.
    your mom wants you guys to have a baby soon, wife wants to wait
    will you sponsor wife's parents as easily as you would your parents for any expense
    …
     
    Rihana, Jan 29, 2019
    Rihana, Jan 29, 2019
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  3. Jan 29, 2019 #3
    Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    @Rihana.. Nice answer. Glad to have you come and set the trend. I would like ILites put out any sort of answer, even though this is not a Fridaywala topic. Answering your questions about tickets, baby, and expenses-sponsorship would be good.

    When I watch such stories, I'd always wonder how it applies to our situation, i.e., children playing with frogs. BTW, I changed my Avatar Pic.
    That poor man on the video thinks that his wife married him, because, having been divorced, she could easily downgrade her choice to a "foreigner".
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2019
    Amulet, Jan 29, 2019
    Amulet, Jan 29, 2019
    #3
    Rihana likes this.
  4. Jan 29, 2019 #4
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, the question is silly, even criminal.
    Answers from an Indian husband will be
    1 mom
    2 have a kid
    3 nope.
     
    Sunshine04, Jan 29, 2019
    Sunshine04, Jan 29, 2019
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  5. Jan 29, 2019 #5
    rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    I see fault from both sides

    For both, their culture is best. West may feel what is this family package, girl may feel no sentiments.

    Rest is personal choices to leave the relationship or workout..

    Coming to the law exam question. Man this is rediculous and unethical. It's like which eye want and just to screw up a person. The candidate may choose the option over their experiences, you can't judge it.

    And over a issue you can't imply as country's culture fault.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2019
    rachaputi, Jan 29, 2019
    rachaputi, Jan 29, 2019
    #5
  6. Jan 29, 2019 #6
    SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Ah the age old kwestin - who will you save ?
    A "singlish " version of a clever mum.
    1.jpg
     
    SunPa, Jan 29, 2019
    SunPa, Jan 29, 2019
    #6
    beautifullife30, sumalynux, Amica and 2 others like this.
  7. Jan 29, 2019 #7
    shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    4XKN7279.jpg
     
    shravs3, Jan 29, 2019
    shravs3, Jan 29, 2019
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  8. Feb 4, 2019 #8
    Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Parents don't treat all their children equally. In many cultures, parents invest in the first-born male child and expect him to provide ROI in their old age. The rest of the kids, especially female kids, are free to save their SOs from drowning. :neutral:
    .​
     
    Amica, Feb 4, 2019
    Amica, Feb 4, 2019
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    nandinimithun and Amulet like this.
  9. Feb 4, 2019 #9
    Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    @Amica, this is a uniquely desi-twist on the theme. Occasionally old parents find themselves having bet on the wrong horse, and lost.
    Even when parents only want emotional links, and not money-support in old age, treating children unequally could come back. Karma in the form of mistreated children's schadenfreude.

    what is Sanskrit for schadenfreude ?
    Schadenfreude is borrowed from German; it is a compound of Schaden, "damage, harm", and Freude, "joy". The German word was first mentioned in English texts in 1852 and 1867, and first used in English running text in 1895. In German, it was first attested in the 1740s.    ​
     
    Amulet, Feb 4, 2019
    Amulet, Feb 4, 2019
    #9
    Amica likes this.

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